Do the right thing
This above all,
To thine own self be true,
And it must follow,
As the night the day,
Thou canst not then,
Be false to any man.
— Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1, 1
What absolutely sound advice that is, and one that we should all follow. But sadly, not all sage advice is heeded by people, as there’s always some reason, some excuse, why it can’t be appreciated. “Oh, I’d love to, but I’m afraid I’d hurt his feelings.”
So you suck it in, absorb all the punishment, heartache and pain, and don’t say a word. You’re then being true to the other person, putting them above you, and not being true to yourself.
But is it really easy to follow that principle and be true to yourself, especially the part where it says, ‘This above all?’ Isn’t that being selfish, putting yourself not only first, but above all? That means mother, father, pickney, friends, family, colleagues and strangers.
Well, it’s easy to put yourself above colleagues and strangers, as they are not really family, but when it comes to your blood relatives, especially your children, it may not be so easy.
Let me qualify that though, for today’s generation are of a different breed, and are only for themselves, but I’m referring to how things used to be back in the day. And yes, there are a few people who will put colleagues and strangers first, even as they put their parents and their children on the back burner.
But I’m talking about ‘normal’ people who conform to what is considered the natural order of human nature.
So, do the right thing, that’s where we’ll venture, right after these truthful responses to what I had to say about ‘Who lies more’.
Hi Tony,
I believe that it was Mark Twain who said, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” There are compulsive liars, people who lie all the time for no special reason, just out of habit. A British study proved that over a lifetime men tell an average of 100,000 lies, and women 65,000 lies. My question would be, are those only British people in the study, and do they normally admit openly to lying, as opposed to Jamaicans who may not? Do they count ‘white lies’ where those lies are not considered significant lies, and is there such a thing as a ‘black lie’, or any other colour lies?
Wickham
Ontario, Canada
Teerob,
You touched on a very tricky subject, that of who lies more: men or women? As far as I see it, there is no contest as far as the genders go, as men win hands down, as they always have to cover their tracks. That’s quantitative. But when it comes to the severity of the lies, women have that market covered. That’s qualitative. When women lie, it’s more serious than a hangman and is taken to the grave. You mentioned the paternity lie that often lasts forever.
Sharon
Who remembers the hit movie Do The Right Thing, by Spike Lee? It was a classic and resonated with many people who were exposed to the underbelly of race relations in the USA.
But do we always do the right thing when faced with difficult circumstances or adverse conditions, or do we cop out and take the easy way out, the path not less travelled?
As far as I see it, most people do not do the right thing, but instead act and speak through filters in order not to rock the boat, ruffle the feathers, please the crowd. My mom used to always say, “Just for a peaceful life.” God bless her soul.
But is it always possible, is it always the right thing to do, accommodating the transgressions of other people as they heap their angst on you, just for a peaceful life?
Hell no, for some people take your easygoing personality and patience for weakness, and take advantage of your good nature as they pile on the misery even more. Sometimes it’s best to just lash out in retaliation, just to make them stop. Unfortunately, it’s the only language that many Jamaicans understand.
Don’t you take my kindness for weakness,
Because I’m gentle doesn’t mean I’m not strong
The sweeter my love is while you have it
The more you’ll miss it when I’m gone
Don’t take for granted that I’m yours for keeps
No, don’t take my kindness for weakness.
— The Soul Children
The words from that song are so apt, and are experienced by so many people who do not do the right thing as they continue to put the other person first, above themselves, and suffer in silence. Deep down they know exactly what to do, but are reluctant, afraid, to make that decision.
Being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing, for it simply follows what the quote says, “Above all things, to thine own self be true.” To thine own self. This was brought even more to my attention a few weeks ago when a young lady expressed to me what she was going through in her relationship.
She’s one of those women who are extremely accommodating, and believes in not rubbing her man the wrong way, not going against the grain, not disturbing the warp and the woof of the carpet, but facilitates him in everything that he does.
As a result, he not only takes her for granted, but heaps on the negative acts on her like a ton of bricks as he’s totally lost respect for her. The sad reality is, some people only respect you more when you get on bad and retaliate. That’s why turning the other cheek cannot work in this day and age. All you’ll get are more slaps, but if you slap back once, the abuse will stop.
We’ve seen it before, where men have their spouses and treat them like doormats, modern-day slaves. When I asked one such lady why she tolerated the crap, her response was, “Because I love him.” Love? How can you love someone who is tantamount to a despot, a slave driver, a cruel warder in a prison?
But they do, and even though they know the right thing to do, they find all sorts of excuses not to. So back to my tale of the young lady who is long-suffering with her spouse of many years, and who continues to put him above all things, including herself.
When I asked why she remained in that terrible situation, she had no valid answer. The children are grown, she’s financially independent and could survive on her own. But many women have a soft spot for their men, and no matter how badly they treat them, they will always put them first.
Is this the case of the Stockholm syndrome? That’s when someone who is kidnapped and abused eventually sympathises and falls in love with their captor. The term was made popular when heiress Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army in the USA back in the 1960s. She eventually sympathised with her captors and fell in love with the leader.
I know of other women who are long-suffering at the hands of their men, not always physically, but emotionally. The men gave new meaning to the word womanising, even having outside children. Then horror of horrors, the men got sick and bedridden, having no use to themselves.
And yet, those same long-suffering wives put their husbands first, above all things, even as they take a back seat in their own lives and cater to them, hand and foot. That is admirable and shows real true love in spite of what went down in the past. Naturally there are some women who will never understand this and actually silently berate those women who care for the sick men who have fallen from physical grace.
“Damn fool, after the way he treated her, she still caring for him.”
I guess that’s the true meaning of Christian charity. Then on the flip side there are women who always put themselves first, above all things, and everything takes second, third and fourth place.
“I’m not taking any more stress from any man or pickney. I catered to them for many years, so it’s my time now.”
We’ve all seen it, where mothers cut and run to make a good life for themselves. They leave our shores and create a new life in foreign lands, really heeding the words, ‘Above all things, to thine own self be true.’
So it’s not as simple as it may seem, for as humans we have feelings and most of us are ruled by our emotions and not our heads. So our heads tell us to do the right thing, but our emotions override that command.
More time.
seido1yard@gmail.com
Footnote: Anyone who reads this newspaper will see the daily cartoons drawn by the genius Clovis, who always has his finger on the pulse of social issues. I’ve had the privilege of having Clovis illustrate my columns for decades, and I have never colluded with him or told him what to draw. I send in the column, which he interprets and does the cartoon. I’m always pleased when I see his handiwork on Sundays, bringing my column to life. Sadly, Clovis recently lost his significant other after a brief illness. He’s devastated, but we pray to give him strength. Even so, his cartoons continue every day with exceptional humour and wit. I got to know her over the past few years and she was a wonderful person, complementing the quiet, humble person that Clovis is. May she rest in peace, and we pray for Clovis to have strength in these challenging times.