From dating app to marriage: More Jamaicans finding love online
Six years ago, Othniel Brissett turned to online dating app Tinder after a previous relationship left him hurting.
“Originally I was doing it the traditional way and I had short and long term relationships. I got some hurt during the process and I was on a path where I just couldn’t bother anymore,” he told Observer Online. “I had just found out about (Tinder) and decided to give it a try.”
It ended up being the best decision of his life as, through Tinder, he met Cion Robinson, who had joined the dating app for the same reason as him.
“She was in a long relationship and she got hurt and the relationship ended in a violent way. So she went on it to find somebody to talk to and find friends,” he said.
After sharing a mutual swipe and matching, Othneil and Cion began a courtship and the rest, as they say, is history. They fell in love and got married.
“I never thought that when I went on Tinder I would have found love,” Othneil said, adding “Cion was on it also not knowing that she would have found love either.”
Othneil and Cion Brissett are among a growing number of couples in Jamaica who are making their way down the aisle and saying ‘I do’ after meeting through this once unconventional method of dating.
Dating and Relationship Coach, Kiffra G Codner said that the increasing prevalence of online dating is in line with the current lifestyle of the masses where daily tasks are often completed over the internet.
“More persons are turning to online dating as our lives have naturally transitioned into more things being done online – shopping for groceries, buying a motor vehicle, banking etc. It’s the norm to do things online,” Codner said.
The relationship expert pointed to the efficiency of online dating and the frustration with traditional dating and its lack of desired results as being among the reasons many people are going virtual to find love.
“It’s become more and more difficult to meet good prospects organically, in person,” she said. “It’s easier (with online dating), more convenient and you can start immediately; you get to decide the pace at which you go.”
But online dating is not all smooth sailing, and does come with its fair share of frustrations. This was the case for now-married Jeremy and Zelania Watkis, who had joined Tinder individually amid the COVID lockdowns when people were seeking human connection in an unprecedented time.
Zelania said she joined after seeing people talking about the app on her Twitter feed, while Jeremy said it was a means of socialising, even though Tinder was seen as a “hook-up” site.
Jeremy noted that he had deleted Tinder and rejoined before he found the love of his life.
“What I realise happens is that most (matches) never really turn to anything. You talk with someone and you message and message but (eventually) one person is not talking as much again and they’re gone. I had deleted the app and came back,” Jeremy said.
Zelania added: “For me it was horrible. Like the men on Tinder at the time, the selection was poor. I came off of it like four times and I went back on. When I came back on the fourth time I thought ‘three strikes’ I am out, and I came back a fourth time so it better be worth it’.
“So I had actually started talking to somebody before my husband and then it just didn’t pan out. As Jeremy explained, sometimes you are talking to somebody and you realise ‘oh no, we are on two different pages, you are just here for the hook up, I am here for the long haul’. The second person I met was Jeremy the fourth time around and that stuck,” she recounted.
-From Tinder to the Aisle-
In the meantime, Othniel Brissett told Observer Online that he and his wife Cion had developed a routine of messaging on Tinder daily and took sometime before exchanging telephone numbers.
“The conversation flowed as if we had known each other for a long time. And we talked like that for a few weeks before meeting face-to-face,” Othniel said.
“Before I met her, when I found her on Tinder I felt like she was out of my league, but I thought I would give it a try anyway. When we finally met— we met in a public place— and the first thing she said was ‘you short eeh?’ and from that, if there was any tenseness in that moment, her remark broke it because I had to laugh. And that basically just started us off on a good path,” he said, laughing at the memory.
The couple has been together for six years, and Othniel proposed in 2020. They did not get married until about two months ago to facilitate family members who were unable to travel during the pandemic.
The walk to the aisle progressed quicker for the Watkises who said they were together for a total of 16 months before getting married in January 2022 and welcoming a baby girl in 2023.
“We dated each other for about eight months and then we decided to go steady. So another eight months we courted and went on different dates and we would talk over the phone for hours. I always tell her that we have like a year’s worth of conversation within these couple months and we get to know each other in and out— what we like, what we don’t like,” Jeremy said.
“I was then pushed to make a decision. Zelania had a health scare and I had to step up and actually be there for her 100 per cent, supporting her and that caused us to be closer and get to know each other fully. Because when you see somebody in a down situation and you experience that with them you get an appreciation and love for the person,” he added.
-Length of dating does not affect marriage prospect-
Dating Coach Codner outlined that the fast-paced nature of online relationships is as a result of the fact that couples have to rely on the internet to communicate, which forces them to have deeper conversations, often leading to deeper connections.
“The quick progress is often due to the nature of online dating. You can go at your pace, and it’s pretty easy to connect as you choose since its all remote. The fact that all you have is the internet means that deeper and more meaningful conversations are likely to occur. Longer conversations may also take place to compensate for the lack of physical presence. Additionally, it’s easier for some to let their guard down with a stranger they haven’t met in real life, which facilitates greater sharing,” Codner said.
“The determinants of relationship success are far greater than whether you swiped right or met in the supermarket. What’s important is ensuring that there is an alignment with your values and morals; there is sexual, physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial maturity and compatibility; trust; open and honest communication; and your needs are being met,” the relationship coach added.
For those considering taking this option of finding love, Codner shared some dating tips to consider:
• Choose a reputable site that offers things like personality matching, has candidates who are looking for the same things you are, and suits your lifestyle and budget.
• Practice safety the same way you would in traditional dating – be mindful of the information you share, such as your address, and listen more than you speak, especially in the initial dating period.
• Do some snooping! Check online for more information about the person you have connected with by looking at their social media accounts. The last thing you want is to find out that the 32-year-old fitness model you’ve fallen for is actually a 60-year-old scammer from a third-world country.
• Video chat with someone before meeting them in person. You want to make sure you’re actually speaking to the person in the profile photos, plus add another layer of safety to your dating.
• Don’t give anyone financial help! It’s easy to want to help the person you’ve built this great connection with but very often with fake profiles and online scammers, they’ll ask for financial help because someone is sick or dead, or some other personal crisis has befallen them.
• Pay keen attention to the information shared with you to make sure there’s consistency with the ‘facts’ and actions. For example, a doctor isn’t likely to have all the time in the world to be texting you, nor should a successful, wealthy business owner be asking you for a ‘small’ loan.