THE MEN’S ISSUE: We grew up with just mom, and…
STATISTICS have shown that children raised by single mothers are less likely to become successful than those raised in nuclear homes — especially boys. Speaking during Parent Month last year, Minister of Education, Youth and Information Fayval Williams cited that 85 per cent of youth imprisoned have an absent father. Children raised without fathers, she noted, are more likely to drop out of school, be incarcerated, and end up in poverty.
“Children with actively involved fathers are 43 per cent more likely to earn A’s in school, and 33 per cent less likely to repeat a grade than those without active fathers,” she added.
But even with the odds stacked against them, many Jamaican men who were raised in matrifocal homes grew to become educated, upstanding members of society. These men share whether they think they missed out on any vital life lessons due to their fathers’ absence, or whether they are better off for it.
SD, 34, programmer:
Honestly, I think if my father was around I would have turned out more like him — a gambling, smoking womanizer. Even in my teenage years when I was rebelling against my mother, I think I just did the things I thought he would do, because that was my idea of him. My mother tried her best, but a woman can’t teach you how to really be a man. I’m happy I got a chance to attend an all-boys’ school, where they focused a lot on what an ideal man should be like, so I didn’t turn out too bad.
OR, 23, PR officer:
My father died when I was really young, and my mother never really moved on until I was about 16. My brother and I had to become men from a really young age, I guess. We understood how hard it was for my mom without him, so we tried not to make it any harder on her. We were well-mannered and well behaved. We got good grades and went straight home after school. She could leave us alone to go to work and just tell the neighbours to give an eye, and they never had a complaint. I always think that I would love to have known our father, but who knows what kind of boys we would have been without his death.
Junior, 28, medical doctor:
No, I don’t think I missed out on anything. I saw from early how hard mommy worked to make sure her children were well taken care of, and I always knew I was loved. It didn’t even occur to me that it was abnormal to not have my father around until adulthood. Many of my neighbours were also single mothers, so it was what I was used to seeing. Now I just hope to be a better example for my children in the future.
Ken, 39, driver:
Of course I missed out on a whole lot. I used to just sit on the verandah on Sunday waiting to see if he would stop by. I just wanted to see him. My mother used to try her best to cheer me up when he didn’t come, but it used to make me feel a way. As I got older and was trying to figure out the kind of man I wanted to be, I had to look around me for other role models, because by that time he stopped visiting completely. He died a few years ago and I felt like a stranger at his funeral.
Anthony, 27, entrepreneur:
Of course I missed out! I missed out on having a father. I don’t regret it though. He must regret it, not me. He is a worthless man. I just know I don’t want to be anything like him. One time I was drinking a certain beer and my mother said, ‘bwoy, you a really him pickney’ because that was the one he always drank. I stopped drinking it from that day.
