Moving on, moving out and ghosting former loves

NEW years have a way of putting things into perspective and helping us to see what we are better off without. Some of us might have discovered that we need to leave a bad habit or toxic trait in the past, while others would have found that our relationships are heading nowhere and we need to cut our losses and move on.

But how? Getting into a relationship is easy, but getting out of one can get messy. The unspoken expectation that a relationship will last forever can keep a bad one on the shelf way past its expiration date. One or both persons might recognise that things have gone sour, but the fear of hurting the other person might cause them to second guess trying to break up.

If your list of new year’s resolutions looks a bit like ‘new year, new me, new boo’ but your current partner is standing in the way of your goals, you might want to borrow some inspiration from the following people. They share what works for them when trying to end a relationship:

Tameka, 28, loctician:

It depends on how long we have been together. If we were just getting to know each other and I pick up some bad vibes, but he doesn’t know where I live or work or anything like that, then I just go ghost — no communication whatsoever. I’ll block him if he is persistent. If we had something going for a while then I would owe him an explanation before I go ghost, I suppose.

Tiffany, 30, cashier:

I just stop pushing it and get really lame. He will give up eventually.

Brian, 35, teacher:

It depends on her and what kind of relationship it was. Some girls can handle a mature conversation about why things are not working out, especially if they were not emotionally invested to begin with, but others can’t. In that case you just have to take time to ease out of that one. Worst case scenario is if she starts getting more attached when you want to leave, so you have to start being a douche to make her want to leave you.

Teana, 27, copywriter:

From my experience, men cannot take it when you tell them that you want to leave. Even if they were not that into you, telling them that just makes them hunger and thirst after even the ground you walk on. They literally become obsessed with you when you don’t want them. You just have to show them some ugly colours and start being very demanding. Let them think they’re leaving you.

Sean, 31, barber:

Sometimes you get a clean break but sometimes you just have to move on by yourself and find somebody new while the old person works through their feelings on the side. Not that you go out of your way to cheat, but even after you break up an ex will keep popping up in your life for some time until they get the closure that they want.

Sharon, 34, entrepreneur:

I’m not one to rush to end relationships. I will give you a million second chances, but when I say I’m done, I’m done. I had an ex who cheated on me then decided to stalk me to make me take him back. I blocked him on social media so he turned up at my house. I called my landlord on him, so he parked outside my workplace the next day. He walked me down begging to talk but it was like no one was there. He asked friends to talk to me, I cut them off. That is how I end relationships.

Nicholas, 29, radiographer:

The worst way I ever had to end a relationship was to let her see me with a new girl. I tried my best to be gentle and kind of ease her off but she kept calling me and crying and coming over for ‘closure’, which was basically sex with crocodile tears afterwards. When I got tired of how things were dragging on, I asked one of my female friends to come over the same night I knew she would so she saw her inside and assumed I’d moved on. It hurt me to do that to her but I couldn’t see another way out.