Second chances
Relationships are always so pleasurable in the beginning. You feel the butterflies and the jitters, you daydream more than you breathe, and you become totally consumed by the thoughts of a future with this individual.
But reality is, it won’t always be like that. Arguments will flare, disagreements will take over, and even dislike will blossom. And these emotions are perfectly normal. But some couples don’t realise this, and move to the stage of taking a break or breaking up. But for you to reap, you have to spend time to sow and to nurture. Fact is, once that partner of yours is faithful and not abusive, you can work it out. Because something that is broken can be repaired and treasured.
Here are three steps you can take to initiate these second chances, using the analogy of a garden.
Step 1: Pull out all weeds
You can’t work on issues if your issues are fighting you. You need to retreat and heal the open wounds before you can jump back onto the battlefield. What I mean is this, go on a time-out where you spend time with you alone. While on this break, both partners need to look within and see where they went wrong. Pull out every weed. If it is verbal warfare – pull it out, if it is lying – pull it out. You have to pull out the thorns and weeds and completely start over.
Step 2: Plant new seeds
So once the break is over and both partners have spent the time meditating, looking at their own faults and have healed and are ready to go again, then do so on a clean slate. Do not bring up the past. The past is there to teach, not judge. Leave the past where it belongs. In essence, I am saying start a new relationship and this time, slow the game down and spend the necessary time to carefully plant new traits in your relationship.
Step 3: Try new ways of nurturing
It could be that before, you did give the relationship the best care but it fell apart. Don’t be afraid to try new things so your new relationship won’t look too much like the last. For example, if it is that your partner doesn’t like when you are demanding things beyond his means, try to be more compassionate. So before you use anger, use love. It is simply a choice. If you love someone, you’ll try not to hurt them, you’ll use instead your discretion and compassion. In essence, you transform yourself into being selfless.
