Bad habits you should break this year
THERE is no single way in which women are socialised. And certainly, there are a number of cultural expectations spanning all spheres of life in their individual locales as well as the global context which would, whether by way of observation or lessons from their peers, influence their approach to various life events.
Sometimes these lessons encourage women to nurture unhealthy habits which can be very difficult to break. And we all have one or two that we could give up in order to improve our character.
Below psychotherapist Kevin Bailey shares some of the bad habits that you should break this year.
Stop believing you need a man to be truly happy
The truest, purest source of love that you can ever give yourself is that which is found within. “Happiness is an internal job; you choose to be happy, and so more women need to begin to embrace the value of self-love,” Bailey said. He noted that this is the first step to being comfortable in one’s skin and being confident about what moves to make.
Stop believing a man will be committed to you because you have a child for him
Local recording artiste Mr Lexx says it best: “Pickney naa hol’ man again”. Bailey notes that while some women believe that a child is the glue to a relationship, most men are not willing to remain with a woman simply because she has a child by him. In fact, sometimes the men offer no support at all to the child, and in the end the child is deprived of support financially, emotionally and psychologically.
Stop loving and valuing men more than yourself
“The most important person is you. You don’t want to neglect yourself or be so blinded by love for a man that you sacrifice your own happiness for him,” Bailey advised. He noted that you should always embrace yourself and seek support as is necessary.
Don’t try to be a superwoman
“You’re only one person, and it is important to note that no woman or man is perfect, so you don’t have to pretend. Don’t be bedazzled by the images and stories told in movies and glossy magazines,” Bailey warned. He said that it is important to know that you don’t have to do everything on your own, and you should never blame yourself for shortcomings; after all, you can only do so much.
Stop using your children as pawns in a relationship that has ended
“Children are not cards in a game. We need to get rid of this type of behaviour,” Bailey advised. He said that once the child’s/children’s father does not pose a danger to the child, he should have access. Additionally, the presence of both parents in a child’s life is very important to his/her development.
Refuse to embrace bitterness and resentment
“Your mantra for 2017 should be ‘forgive and live’,” Bailey encouraged. He advised that you will feel so much more at peace when you don’t have the burden of malice and anger consuming you.
Stop believing that you are inferior to a man
“It’s a lie. Women are not inferior to men, and you shouldn’t have to feel that way. God created us all as equals. Use your talents and other gifts acquired in life to achieve your purpose,” Bailey advised.
Stop comparing yourself to other women
“Life is not a competition. There is no perfect woman. Work on your weaknesses while maximising your strengths,” Bailey said. He pointed out that comparing more often than not encourages women to focus on flaws rather than on how to improve themselves.
Stop being envious
“Stop being envious or bitchy to other women; believe in the sisterhood,” Bailey advised. He said that a woman should collaborate with others rather than constantly finding a way to tear other women down.
Stop being so quick to get sexually involved
“Sharing yourself physically and emotionally with the opposite sex is a process that requires time,” Bailey advised. He said women should reconsider jumping into bed at the drop of a hat. Instead, try to get to know the man, understand his character, and see whether or not he is interested in commitment.
Stop being selfless all the time
Stop giving too much of yourself to your husbands, children, and boyfriends. You need to take time out to nurture yourself. Relax and make time for yourself.
Stop the impulsive spending
“If you spend without thinking, this is a very financially unhealthy practice — you want to reconsider spending impulsively,” Bailey advised. He said that you should consider making a list and a monthly budget and sticking to it, since many times those things bought on a whim are not important, and sometimes go unused.
Stop depending on men
A woman’s greatest strength is her independence, and so more women should try this year to find an avenue to achieve this to some degree. This is perhaps the most common tool that men use to control their women — their financial vulnerabilities.
Stop spending all your income
Be steadfast and dedicated about saving and investing for the future. Make sure that you have a plan for your future. Financial security is very important to achieve this.
Stop making assumptions in your relationship
Ask questions, seek clarification, and make requests. Assuming leads to disappointment, and we must remember that men aren’t mind readers.
Stop criticising your partner
There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, but it is also important for you to compliment your partner. Try not to comment only on his faults.
Don’t downplay your accomplishments
If you have done well, accept the congratulatory notes and cheers and stop downplaying your growth and success. You don’t need to brag, but accept that you have done well and feel good about it.
You made a mistake; it doesn’t define you
Leave 2016 and all its fears, doubts, and anxieties behind. Learn that you are strongest when you are aware of your mistakes, but strong enough not to dwell on them. Act in accordance with a new outlook, and embrace 2017!
