The pull of the married man

POACHING married men is definitely no longer taboo. An increasing number of women are taking this major step, unbothered by the stigma that comes along with it.

Kimberly had just turned 30 when she found her love. Unmarried, childless and in a good-paying job, she said all the money she earned just could not fill the void brought on by her loneliness. Jealous of the way the men she knew talked about their wives, and of the way her girlfriends talked about their mates, she caved to Fabian who was married with two teenagers, but who complained bitterly about the way his wife treated him

For Kimberly, her married man is responsible, great at managing situations, and understands a woman’s needs in the bedroom and out.

“I just wish I could have my cake and eat it,” she said. “The man is everything. I am not proud of what I am doing and I pray his family doesn’t find out before I can get my act together.”

Dana’s intentions were different. An equally successful 27-year-old, she developed an interest in men who were taken at age 18. She said there is something alluring and irresistibly sexy about a man who is taken.

“They always know what to say and how to comfort you. I remember one offering to kiss my broken heart. I just feel protected and safe.”

She said that knowing she is not the only woman wanting the man also excites her.

Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill said single women are often attracted to men who are taken because they have more experience maintaining long-term, committed relationships than single men.

“He provides a sense of security especially to a young woman who never had a strong, functional father figure in her life,” he explained.

He said among other reasons single women are attracted to these men is the fact that they tend to have good social standing in their communities.

“He is ambitious, usually a better listener, and is experienced in lovemaking,” Dr McGill said.

“Women who are seeking a ready-made, secure base and a safe haven will be attracted to married men, especially if they have had several failed relationships.”