Parlour talk

The next time you are getting your hair or nails done, strike up a conversation with the other women about the attributes they look for in the opposite sex. This frank conversation could get quite interesting, so please ensure that there are no children around. Dianne Thomas is director, communications and public relations, National Family Planning Board

Somewhere in the excited tell-all session, up the ante and narrow it down further to what they look for in a life partner. I’ll bet you that the responses will be that less rapid in their delivery. Indeed, it is a serious bit of introspection that all of us should undertake before getting into any kind of relationship.

I’ll tell you that I’ve had this heart-to-heart sit down conversation with many of my male and female friends who I know are sexually active, helping them to put serious thought into the kind of person with whom they foster a relationship. My reason for doing so is to give them a reality check.

A line of questioning for the males that has proven to be thought provoking is, “What if the woman becomes pregnant as a result of one of the liaisons?” And for the females, “What if you become pregnant? Wouldn’t you want the child, your child, to possess admirable qualities of both parents?” Let’s face it, it has to be more than the superficial ‘good hair’, ‘hot body’, ‘face looks cool’ or ‘cute bowed legs’. Sadly, far too often the time is not taken to get to really know the particular partner with some of our sisters not being in relationships long enough to ascertain the man’s birth name, left holding on to an alias like ‘Junior’, ‘Likkle Scatta’, or ‘Face Boy’.

It cannot be stressed enough that getting to know your partner is extremely important. Taking the time to learn about a partner’s past, their values and ambitions, their respect for sexual and reproductive health decisions, plans for establishing a family which include the use of contraceptives for fertility regulation, ability to provide support for achieving life goals, thoughts on the nurturing of children even if your relationship ends, are all serious topics that warrant discussion.

For consideration too is that the economics of looking after only yourself or for yourself and one child is far less arduous than trying to care for two or more offspring. Ultimately, the time taken to carefully plan your family size and the spacing of the births can ease tensions in any relationship.

To stoke the fiery debate, throw in some of the colourful comments you have (over)heard others declare. In preparation for this exercise you’ll need to mentally rank your own responses to see how the parlour posse’s list stacks up as against yours.