Relationship rules that must be followed
THERE are certain spoken and unspoken rules in relationships; rules that when obeyed, will make your union blossom.
Christopher Lai, author of the e-book The Lai Detector, which provides men with insights on how to approach women, said while the rules may not exist in writing, they should be imprinted in your psyche.
“There are certain things that should be understood and respected in a relationship,” said Lai, who also received a special award for Best Writing on a Blog at the recent Caribbean Blog Awards.
“They may not be written but you have to understand that, for example, you cannot accept certain messages after certain hours or be too friendly with a person of the opposite sex, and that issues the two of you may have are between you and your spouse.”
Lai said as the relationship progresses, the rules will be verbalised and more will develop over time.
“Because initially when everybody starts out, they want to be this cool type of person, but as time progresses and the issues come up you will mention them, because you don’t want a repeat of these issues,” he said.
Tesha Walker-Brown, counselling psychologist and student service manager at Caribbean Maritime Institute, said these rules are in fact boundaries.
“Some of the boundaries that are set should be set by both partners, not necessarily one person putting up a standard and saying, ‘This is what I want from you’. But both persons should come together to ensure that those boundaries are clearly outlined and that they are agreed on by both parties,” Walker-Brown said.
“Rules and boundaries are set up depending on what works best for persons in their relationship. Without rules or boundaries, anything goes. If you have rules they will be able to direct you. If there are none, then any wind will blow you wherever. So it’s good to establish boundaries/rules.
Five major rules/boundaries in relationships are:
1. There should be no outside liaisons
This is a definite no-no. You want to know that your partner commits to you and that you do the same.
2. Allow personal space
Allowing each person their personal space is important. The woman needs to ensure that she gives her man enough space for him to be with his friends and vice versa. You want to give space, but you want to give healthy space.
3. The better money manager should be in charge of the finances
You want to ensure that the person who is better at managing the money is the one doing the managing. It doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman. Otherwise, it could create a problem and a whole lot of friction if the money is placed in the hands of the one who is ‘free in spending’, or if both persons decide that they are going to do their own thing.
4. Be a team when disciplining children
Ensure that rules are set so that when it comes to discipline or anything regarding the children, both parties work together. What poses a challenge is when one person wants to do it this way and the other wants to do it another way. You might not be in agreement with what is being done, but don’t let the children know this.
5. Respect each other’s relationship with God
There will be many days when you are going to feel down and as if everything is crashing in and you need that go-to person — that higher power. Ensure that your spouse maintains their relationship and that you maintain your relationship with God and that you bring the family to a place of worship together.
