My parents don’t like my husband My parents don’t like my husband

LOVE triangles generally have their own set of complications, but the situation is even more untenable when you are torn between a spouse you want to spend the rest of your life with and a parent who is dead set against you walking down the aisle. For some, it has meant turning their backs on one so as to appease the other.

Evon Blair was just 22 years old when she was thrust into a situation where she had to choose between her mom and her husband. But after 48 years of marriage, it is very obvious that she made the right decision. Blair, who is married to noted clergyman and televangelist Ronald Blair, said her aunt with whom she lived at the time was very much against her nuptials and had the whole family withdraw their support for the blossoming love affair as well.

“She did not approve of me getting married because I was her supporter here, helping her with food and whatever,” Blair said of her aunt who convinced her mother in England that she was preparing to make a big mistake. “So between engagement and getting married, my mother, who was far away in England, stopped my wedding three times.”

When verbal disapproval failed to sway Blair from her decision to proceed with the wedding, her aunt, uncle-in-law and grandmother, who had committed to buying her the wedding cake, withdrew their offer and she also got a letter from her mom voicing her strong objection. Still not deterred, Blair continued with her plans.

“But three weeks before the wedding, they sent me a letter to say that if I go on with the wedding, they are going to come there and mash it up at the church,” she said.

As a result of the threat, Blair had to change the venue for the wedding from Manchester to Westmoreland.

“I just sent letters out and called who I could call to get the word around that the date is on, but the venue was changed,” she recalled.

While the event was well attended by her husband’s family, Blair recounted that only one of her distant cousins and his wife attended and a friend walked her down the aisle, as her father had stayed away as well.

It wasn’t until two years after that her mother finally visited Jamaica and upon being introduced to her husband, came to realise how wrong she had been in trying to interfere with her daughter’s happiness.

“Ronald is her son, and if I am not careful, she don’t even talk to me much,” Blair laughed. “She has apologised for what she did, because she didn’t know, she didn’t understand why my auntie was stopping this thing, so I got her on my side,” she said.

“The same auntie who tried to break up everything, my husband and I had to turn around and support both her and her husband until they both died,” Blair pointed out.

Sharnette Wilson found herself in a similar situation when she decided to marry the man of her dreams over 14 years ago. But while her mother and siblings were in support her choice, her father’s contempt for her husband was very obvious.

“When I met my husband, he was doing chicken farming and I was making a good salary, but daddy thought I was marrying down. Even though my husband-to-be was a Christian and a good man, he was against us. He found every opportunity he could to criticise us,” Wilson told All Woman.

“He felt I could do better, but I was determined that this man was the one for me, so I proceeded with my wedding plans,” she said.

Although her father came to the wedding, he refused to give her away and her brother had to do the honours instead. Even after the wedding, she said her father hardly exchanged words with her husband and when he did, the conversations were generally unpleasant. As a result, she said the relationship between her and her father was strained, to the point where she hardly spoke to him.

“He forced me to choose sides and I showed him that if he was going to force me to choose, I was going to choose my husband,” she said

Wilson, who was 34 years old at the time of marriage, has no regrets. Fortunately for her, the relationship between her father and her husband got better when he realised that she was being well taken care of by her spouse, although he was not as affluent as the other men daddy had picked out for her.

“He (my husband) is still my best friend. Not to say that we don’t have our challenges, but the love and respect is still there,” she said.

Wilson is especially happy about the decision she made when she considers the plight of two sisters in her community who were forbidden to marry the men of their choice by their mother and her husband. Both sisters are in their 40s with good jobs and material possessions, she said, but are still unmarried.

Thirty-five-year-old Carol B can relate to this and blames her mother for her current single status, since she refused to support her plans to marry her ex-boyfriend over 11 years ago.

“He wasn’t working at the time and I feel that is one of the reasons why she didn’t approve. But he was a really nice guy and we could sit and talk,” Carol said.

She said her mother also objected to her ex because he already had a child and was not a Christian.

“He eventually became a Christian and got married to his baby’s mother and they seem very happy. The worst part is that we live in the same district, so I have to see them and deal with this regret,” she said.

“Up to now I have not found anyone who is sincere and honest like him,” she pointed out.

Blair, who is mother to four daughters, advises women to seek God’s wisdom in choosing their spouses, and urges parents to be supportive of their children’s decisions in life.

“Once your child is mature and knows what they are about and you as a mother are praying and seeking the Lord, you can advise,” she said.

“I am saying to mothers and fathers, mothers in particular, support your daughters. As I said to one of my daughters, I will support you in whatever you are doing. Just make sure that your heart is saying the right thing and this is what you want,” she added.