The subtle ways he’s testing you

IN addition to all the other things that a good relationship requires, one of the lesser known and less spoken about is sneakiness. And by sneakiness I mean that character trait that assists you in subtly moulding that significant other of yours into the person you want them to be, or developing grounds to dismiss them entirely.

The level of sneakiness of course, depends on the individual and what that person feels he/she can confidently get away with.

One of the ways we men like to be that kind of sneaky is to test the women we’re with. There are many tests and while I may not know them all – not yet at least – I’ve decided to let you women in on five of the small-scale tests that men give you, without you knowing.

Needless to say, it is in your interest to pass these tests, and they are strictly pass/fail by the way, so pay attention if you want to avoid varying levels of relationship reprisals.

1. Should your boyfriend suddenly develop a quiet, reserved disposition, when he normally holds up the lion’s share of the conversation when the two of you hang out, then you are being tested. While this may not be applicable where he is dealing with some emotional stuff like the death of a relative or something like that, if your man does this then he is testing you to see if you can entertain him in the event that he really doesn’t feel like being himself.

If you are naturally an outgoing person then this should be an easy A, but if not, then you need to stay up-to-date on things that interest him and things he finds funny. That way you’ll be prepared.

2. Point number 1 now leads us to test number 2, which is when he stops making the first move when typically he always does. When he does this he is testing to see if you want his body as much as he wants yours. The fact is that when it comes to making the first move, some women are about as active as a dead goldfish in frozen water. And if your man all of a sudden stops making the first move, he’s subtly saying that he’s not going to take your laziness anymore and it’s now up to you to make something happen. And if you lazy ladies don’t know how, then you need to ask somebody ’cause failing this test repeatedly can breed resentment.

3. In the same vein, if during the courtship period your boyfriend is on his P’s and Q’s for the most part and then suddenly does something a little uncharacteristic, this could be a test. For example, if the two of you are talking on the phone for weeks without interruptions then he suddenly starts to blast his favourite kind of music in the background, this could be another compatibility test.

It probably is that he likes to blast his music that loud on any given day and had been putting off doing that when you both spoke on the phone in those first few weeks. Chances are he’s comfortable now and wants to know if you’re okay with this side of his personality, or if he’s going to have to alter it in some way.

4. Money and how it gets spent is always a major issue in relationships and men want to know that we will get as good as we give when it comes to the spending on dates and gifts and what not. The more extreme guy will test a woman by taking her out (somewhere around the 15th date) and ‘accidentally’ forget his wallet and watch as the situation works itself out. The less extreme guy watches to see if you offer to take him out at any time, or if you offer to pick up part or all of the cheque after you’ve gone out. It is very important that you pass this test because failure is grounds for dismissal.

5. Relationships can fall into informal routines sometimes, for example if the two of you go to the movies every Friday night because you did that for the first couple of weeks of dating. A man might decide to test your reaction to his breaking that informal date night to go hang with his friends. He wants to see if you understand how important his friends are in his life. His friends will be the ones who pick him up, dust him off and tell him they never liked you anyway if you leave, so he has to keep them at the top of his priority list – at least until the ring is on your finger. If you blow up over the broken date you fail. Do yourself a favour and try not to fail. – Javier