Do the beautiful really have life easier?
WE see them on TV. We see them on the streets. We even have to live with some on a daily basis. The flawless skin, the perfect jawbones, the captivating smiles, not to mention the drop dead gorgeous bodies!
And then there’s the brawta – great morals, meekness, the kindness, the selflessness. They have it all.
Those blessed with beauty.
As women, we look on and hope their faces will break out and make them our equals! Because, we think, anyone who says being beautiful doesn’t make life easier must inhabit a utopia that most of us would be most interested in locating!
Yet, according to those deemed traditionally beautiful, there are times when beauty isn’t always a wonderful thing. In fact, there’s a flipside to it that many don’t take notice of.
Just last month, Hollywood actress Michelle Pfeiffer told Allure magazine that her beauty was more of a curse than a blessing. The blonde bombshell said she has to work harder to make people believe she can act and listed her film Frankie and Johnny, which she said was bashed by critics because she was too beautiful for the role she played.
“When I went to an audition I had to be better because I was beautiful. For the longest time I wouldn’t even talk about how being beautiful got in my way, because I felt by admitting it was like giving it power,” she said.
And said former Miss World, and hands down one of Jamaica’s most beautiful women Lisa Hanna, “You have to work harder than everyone else to prove yourself. Many people are of the opinion that you don’t have anything to contribute and you have to prove them wrong.”
Hanna noted too that opportunities might even have been denied those considered beautiful, because some people think that they should not get a certain position because others may feel their appointment was based on the way they look.
Then, she said, there is the situation where you think people like you for who you are inside, only to find out later that they only wanted to get close to you because of the ‘beautiful’ title – a term she refuses to use in describing herself, even though she’s the first face that pops to mind when we try to define beautiful.
“I definitely had to work much harder to achieve my goals,” she said. “Fortunately, once people get to my personality, they realise I am very simple and in no way arrogant.”
On the other hand, she believes doors have opened for her, with her outward appearance being a contributing factor.
“Doors open easier. I can take up the phone and call anyone in Jamaica and they will respond to me. But I make certain not to take advantage of that,” she said.
And though people may treat her differently, she still believes in standing in lines and waiting her turn, like everyone else.
Hanna admits to getting a lot of attention on the streets or when driving in her car, but this she feels is due not to the fact that she is beautiful, but because of the many programmes she has done on television.
“I don’t like attention. If people are running in one direction, I will run in the other. If I go to the theatre and seat is available at the front and back, I will opt to sit at the back. Contrary to what many people think I don’t like the limelight.”
And beauty for her is more than skin deep. “I embrace all kinds of beauty. I think it is how we as a people perceive beauty. We often only look at the outside. Some people look at the situation without looking at the heart of that situation. I am drawn to beauty that is pure – that applies to both people and situations. It could be a conversation, time with my son, scenery – anything that is memorable,” she explained.
Even before entering the Miss World beauty contest in 1993, Hanna never thought that her beauty outshone others’ and behaved no differently.
“I was always a ‘tom boy’ and still am. I taught karate and climbed trees. I will still climb a black mango tree or an apple tree!” she laughed. “But I don’t believe I was treated differently when I was growing up,” she said modestly.
Sara Lawrence
The Miss Jamaica World competition finds a local beauty and moulds her for the international beauty pageant, which seeks to identify the most beautiful woman in the world.
2006’s most beautiful – the reigning Miss Jamaica World, Sara Lawrence, says she cannot recall where opportunities had been made available to her before the pageant simply because she was beautiful.
“I don’t believe I am more beautiful than the normal woman,” she said. In fact, she doesn’t feel she is being or has been given ‘special’ treatment because of the way she looks.
“I don’t think of myself as drop dead gorgeous!” she said laughing. “Many people would come up to me and tell me I look better in person than on TV! I am not even sure they are complimenting me – but I guess so.”
And not thinking of herself as drop dead gorgeous doesn’t mean she lacks self-confidence. In fact, after interacting with others it’s when her true beauty is revealed.
“I believe beauty is a combination of personality and physical beauty. It’s a mixture of both. I really don’t believe it’s just outer beauty,” she said.
She noted too that she has never been in a relationship where she felt that her mate chose her because of her looks.
Lawrence explained that her current relationship, though new, is with a lifelong friend, someone who knew her even in her high school days when she was “short and fat”. Back then she was 5’2″, compared to her present 5’10”.
“Remember that a relationship is a two way thing. I make sure the person I am choosing is not superficial but someone who looks beyond the outer beauty.”
She admits that being Miss Jamaica World has its drawbacks, in that many times she is invited to functions and has to decipher whether or not she has been invited in the capacity of the beautiful Miss Jamaica World, or simply Sara Lawrence.
Dorraine Samuels
For former beauty contestant and radio personality, Dorraine Samuels, doors have been opened that she feels may partially be due to the way she looks. And quite a looker she is, ask any Jamaican, and they’ll tell you that she is one of the more admired Jamaican beauties.
“I have been asked to ads, MC shows, so yes, I have had opportunities partly due to the way I look,” she said.
She noted that her beauty might be one of the factors that attracted her husband to her but confirmation she noted, would have to come directly from him.
Samuels was quick to point out that whether or not she is beautiful is really left up to others to judge. However, many compliments have been paid to her on the beauty of her skin and questions asked as to the secret to her youthfulness.
To which she always responds: “If I tell you it would not be a secret anymore!” “I don’t walk around considering myself more beautiful than anyone else,” she said humbly, admitting that this would place her in the category of the vain, something she would rather not be associated with.
True beauty
What really defines true beauty?
If we were to go with the Creator’s view – I Peter 3:3-4 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Of course the wise King Solomon had his own view too, celebrating the “fair, dove’s eyes, scarlet lips” version of things.
“You always hear the term ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’,” promoter of the Miss Jamaica pageant and proprietor of Spartan Heath Club, Haughton James said. “When you look at something and it is pleasing then the beauty (outward appearance) of it is obviously going to please us.
But at the same time, if you have a pleasing outside, but lack charisma and you walk into a room, nobody sees you. Whether that beauty is the glow of the skin, the shining in your eyes, whatever it may be, you also need charisma. And then with that charisma comes personality and intelligence,” James said.
He added: “Beauty though is not a matter of the shape of your nose, nor the colour of your eyes, it encompasses everything. Some people will judge person’s beauty by the type of looks they possess – whether the person is Oriental, Caucasian, African … what you need to do is judge against the same race. Different persons depict different types of looks but they can be beautiful. Look at it as type against type, then you will be able to pick out the true beauty.”
It’s pretty obvious
*A researcher at the University of Alberta has shown that parents are more likely to give better care and pay closer attention to good-looking children compared to unattractive ones. Dr Andrew Harrell presented his findings in 2005 based on an observational study of children and shopping cart safety.
Harrell’s team of researchers found that 1.2 per cent of the least attractive children were buckled in, compared with 13.3 per cent of the most attractive youngsters. The observers also noticed the less attractive children were allowed to wander further away and more often from their parents. He says the results are based on a parent’s instinctive Darwinian response: we’re unconsciously more likely to lavish attention on attractive children simply because they’re our best genetic material.
*A 1987 study by Judith Langlois, a psychology professor at the University of Texas published in Developmental Psychology showed that infants as young as two months prefer to look at pretty faces – an age when they probably haven’t had the chance to pick up many cultural cues about beauty.
* Two economists, Naci Mocan of the University of Colorado and Erdal Tekin of Georgia State University who tracked the life course of young people from high school through early adulthood, found that unattractive individuals commit more crime in comparison to average-looking ones, and very attractive individuals commit less crime in comparison to those who are average-looking.
Cute guys were uniformly less likely than averages to have committed seven crimes including burglary and selling drugs, while the unhandsome were consistently more likely to have broken the law. And very attractive high school girls were less likely to commit crimes, while those rated unattractive were more likely to have done so.
*Other studies have shown that unattractive men and women are less likely to be hired, and that they earn less money than those better-looking. Mocan and Tekin also report that more attractive students have better grades and more polished social skills, and they graduate with a greater chance of staying out of trouble.Blessing or curse?
Lisa Hanna:
“Beauty when perceived the right way is a blessing. I am troubled by young people growing up with a distortion of beauty, for example with the bleaching syndrome and how the eyebrows are done, things like that. Some young women are so distorted that you see it in their eating habits and even in the way they dress. I believe that before you start looking at who you are, you have to spend time with yourself. Ask yourself – what am I blessed with? And work on those,” she noted. “Jamaicans are beautiful people, you can see it in a smile.”
Sara Lawrence:
“It is definitely a blessing! But beauty is not just a pretty face but a wonderful personality on a whole. This will take you a lot of places. I have come to know this by the people I interact with. When you spend time talking to them you realise just how beautiful they are!” she said.
Added she: “But it can also be a curse! If you are beautiful and you have the perception that you are better than others are or above others – that’s when it becomes a curse. If you have this perception, you are cursed because you are dead wrong!”
Dorraine Samuels:
“Beauty is really a blessing that comes directly from God.”
Surviving a world where beauty comes first
I think I first noticed that I looked different from my sister when I was about seven and my mother’s boss took us in front of her daughters and they started comparing us. My mother was their housekeeper, and while she washed, these women got the two of us -seven and six at the time, and commented on how strange it was that she was so pretty, and I was not.
That’s the first time I can remember feeling strange and I still remember every detail of that day.
Later, I grew to notice things I’d ignored before. I hadn’t minded before when daddy called me ‘Mouth’, until years later when I realised that it was in reference to my thick lips, ironically an exact replica of his; I didn’t really care that my grandmother called me ‘Blackie’ – except for the times when she would withhold toys I favoured and save them for my sister; and the comments from relatives, friends, schoolmates didn’t really become a problem until the second year in high school, when my face started to break out. I became less attractive, UGLIER.
Let’s just say the seven years of high school passed in a blur, and all I can remember of the experience were specific instances that hurt so much, that the memories never fade. I will never talk about those incidents with anyone.
As an adult the differences are more emphasised and too much for this small space. There were men who seemed to like me, and their feelings immediately shifted once they met my sister – my first intimate boyfriend admitted that he liked my sister first, but dated me because she didn’t like him.
People refuse to believe that we’re related, and it’s the comments that hurt most, seconded by the ability of persons we encounter to act like I don’t exist whenever we’re together. I still remember this incident on a bus to St Ann, when the conductor decided to put my sister in the front seat beside the driver, and when she told him we were travelling together, he looked at me, head to toe, and told her no, I didn’t have the “front appearance”.
I don’t understand when people say that being beautiful doesn’t open doors for them or make them more successful. I’ve experienced it firsthand. I’ve seen my sister succeed, whether it’s in getting men to like her and getting people to do favours for her, just because of how she looks. And I’ve experienced firsthand where I’ve gotten the opposite.
Today my sister and I have practically no relationship because I have to be apart from her to feel good about myself. We don’t see each other, even though we both live in the same parish and for my own sanity, I just keep away from her. I don’t introduce boyfriends to her and I try to live life independent of her. It hurts less that way. It’s not that I don’t love her, or even that I’m jealous, it’s just that Jamaican people can be very unkind when they have something better to compare you with.
I’m still dealing with being different – with being the ugly sister. Years of university and of church has done nothing to change my perception of how this world works. I dream of being beautiful. I dream of what life would be, if God had just allowed me to have a nose that wasn’t so broad, lips that weren’t so big, and a body that wasn’t so ill-proportioned.
-Princess 🙂