Shattered dreams – Part 1
SABRINA was uneasy. Her 16th birthday was approaching, but it was the one time in her life that she wished she was not getting older.
The words rested on her mind as she recalled the introduction. She knew her mother did not want to do it but she had no choice. Living in the ghetto, her future was already determined and there was nothing she could do about it.
She wasn’t the only one who noticed the curves of her hips and how well she was blossoming. So, the day her mom Miss Ida took her to the hairdresser to have her hair permed, she knew preparations were being made.
She could no longer hide beneath the baggy clothes. All her life she behaved like the boys, but as she began to bloom, they began to make silly comments about her body that she was uncomfortable with. “Sabrina, yuh breast dem nice, meck wi play show an’ tell. You show me dem an’ mi tell you what mi have”. This was usually followed by a fit of laughter and Sabrina would get mad and walk away.
Now, as she sits dreading the next two days, she knows that the Bullet Head will have her come Saturday at the dance. Everyone respects Bullet Head. As area don, he takes care of everyone in the community. In return, what he says goes.
Bullet Head doesn’t assert himself by flaunting or brandishing his weapon. He is quiet, but as they say, ‘silent river runs deep’. Everyone thought he was a joke until he got into an argument with another don from an adjoining community. In broad daylight, he went straight up to the man and shot him in the head at close range, then walked coolly away. No one underestimated him again. That day, no one was sorry for Bingo.
They all thought he got what he deserved. So even when the police came to investigate, no one spoke up because they feared they too would meet that fate. And every now and then the older people in the community would utter, “that’s why you haffi meck sleeping dogs lie”. That’s how Bullet Head gained his respect. And the truth is, from that day on, the community has been quite peaceful.
“Sabrina!”
Sabrina looks up to see Miss Ida rushing towards her with two heavy bags. Somehow Sabrina had no energy to get up from the step. She did not know how long she had sat there soaking in the warmth of the evening sun. All she knew was that it felt good.
“Sabrina, yuh nuh hear mi call yuh chile?”
She got up and walked lazily towards the gate. “Mi bring nuff tings fi yuh chile, him gi mi $10,000 fi go shapping and girl, yuh ago be hat pan yuh birthday. Him sey mi fi fix yuh up nice”.
The day she’d met him she felt cold. He held her hands and began to caress them gently as he exposed a mouthful of teeth. “Mi wi teck good care a yuh,” he whispered in her ear and Sabrina grimaced at the thought.
Now as she hears her mom, she can only make a half-hearted protest. “But mamma mi tell yuh mi nuh like him.”
“Sabrina, wi talk bout dis already. We poor and yuh wuklis puppa lef yuh fram yuh was two.
A mi alone struggle fi raise yuh till yu reach dis far. Mi want di bes fi yuh. An’ a yuh sey yuh want fi go a big university. Yu know mi can’t afford it. So if yu can get di help yuh teck it. Plus mi nuh have nowhere else fi go. An if yuh nuh go, him ago kill we. Mi si it happen to Maas George granddaughter. On bullet to har skull, jus because she never waan go. So yuh hush up an come try on dem clothes ya.”
“Yes mam,” Sabrina replied sulkily, as she took one of the bags.
Her mother was clearly excited and Sabrina knew that it was the thought of being well taken care of. But even so, the gloom still hung over her head.
Saturday came fast, too fast. Sabrina hardly had time to gather her thoughts and as the sun died beyond the horizon, she began to brace herself for the night. Music pumped through the streets as she inched closer to the dance. Her hair blew freely in the wind and it seemed that her hips and her hair had some agreement because with each step, each swing from her hips, her hair bounced gracefully.
She was dressed in a slender red dress that hugged each delicate curve of her body, complete with a dazzling pair of heels. Her earrings dangled in the breeze and though she was uneasy about the night, she had to admit to herself she did feel sexy.
It seemed all eyes were on her as she reached the dance. Her friends ran up to her with pure excitement. “Sabrina, you look hot!” She blushed, but when one of the guys said, “Bullet Head a go mash a works tonight,” the smile faded from her face. Everyone in the community knew what to expect. And now that Bullet Head was single again, he was sure to have her whether she wanted to or not.
Sabrina tried to push the thought from her head and enjoy herself, but later in the night when someone caressed her buttocks from behind, and she swung around in her defence, she stopped in her tracks when she came face to face with Bullet Head.
He invited her to dance with him, and she reluctantly went. The rest of the evening, she was treated like a princess and as Sabrina spent more time with him she began to admit that he wasn’t so bad after all. Later in the night as the music wound down to slow jams and they huddled together on the dance floor, Sabrina felt sensations rush through her body that were new to her. She knew they felt strange, but good.
Later that night she found herself huddled in a corner with Bullet Head and with the heat of the moment, she did not hesitate when his hands begun to roam her body and up her skirt. Sabrina liked it and she begun to think he was not as bad as she initially thought. But later that night, when he roughly took her innocence, and her screams ripped through the night, she quickly found out why he was called Bullet Head.