My catastrophic fortieth birthday
Last month, on the day I turned 40, I discovered that my boyfriend had a baby mother. The baby, he confessed was born last year. I have been beside myself with grief. I swear that this happened to poor, childless me because I am 40. So I went to visit my family doctor. I know that she is in her 40s but she looks thirtyish.
“Doc, I am now 40. The year has not started out so good for me. I feel as if turning 40 is a sort of bad sign. I know that I will have to deal with my feelings for the boyfriend, but what must I expect in terms of my body?’
She smiled, then said:
Jayne, if you don’t want to grow old you will have to die young! Turning 40 is not the end of the world you know. It is more of a psychological defining moment than anything else. When we were growing up we never thought about aging.
Forty was viewed as old people’s land.
It is interesting to note that in many circles an unmarried 40 year-old man is viewed as a ” good catch” while a woman of the same age is viewed as a spinster – one left on the shelf. Because of this we women tend to view our lives as BF (before 40) and AF (after 40). That is one of the main problems with turning 40.
Expectations of the body must be viewed in terms of what you start with, she explained. I have found that women who begin this stage of life with unfulfilled dreams and aspirations, somehow set themselves up for disappointments if they are not aware of their feelings. This sets off a cycle of anxiety and depression.
At this time health issues such as infertility appear. It is a fact that as we age and especially after age 35, it becomes more difficult to conceive. Coupled with that is the issue of menopause. Although this does not occur until about age 51, peri-menopausal symptoms may occur. These include irregular periods, irritability, lumpy breasts.
Sex may not interest you as much because of decreasing hormone levels which cause decreased sex drive and vaginal dryness. Then again there are some women who swear that their sex lives took off in the AF period because they decided to “please themselves however and with whomever they cared.”
Another health issue is weight gain especially around the tummy. This at times appears to be a sort of losing battle – of the tummy bulge that is. That is a result of a slowing of the metabolic rate. It could also be the result of dietary indiscretions. Of course that tummy bulge puts you at risk for developing diabetes, hypertension and breast cancer.
Another challenge is the skin. It may become dry and thin – with the appearance of what I like to call “character lines”. Otherwise known as wrinkles.
You may notice that you have to hold reading material away from you.
Grey hairs begin to appear at the hairline and other places. And yes, you may become a little forgetful.
So what to do?
View life in the present. Sure you may be 40 – but there is no guarantee that you will turn 41. While you contemplate your life, think about moisturisers, sunscreen, streaking of the hair, bifocal contact lenses, diet and exercise, natural hormone supplementation and forgetting about that man.” Jayne Baker is a freelance writer.