Confronting the other woman
Have you ever witnessed a downright brawl, a cat fight? Not a pretty picture, is it? But women often feel the need to have a showdown at the OK Corral, to fight for their man and establish their proprietorship.
Who wins in these things? Is it the irate wife? I don’t think so. That, my friends, is the classic Pyrrhic victory – you lose as much as you may gain. Although I cannot think how anyone, wife or no wife, could think that she has gained from such a scene.
There is nothing more infra dig than a fight over a man. Sure, the man may, out of some perverse sense of machismo, love it, but, invariably, he doesn’t, because it is downright embarrassing. You can guess what I am going to say, but I am going to say it anyway.
Number one, if your man is being unfaithful, your quarrel is with him, not the other woman. You and he are in a relationship. The other woman is on the side, meaning you don’t belittle yourself by gouging out her eyes, smashing up her car or pushing her down. Number two, all that will bring you is a charge of assault and battery. The truth is two wrongs don’t make a right; never have and never will.
Can you imagine a well-to-do, uptown wife going to a posh, New Kingston office to “trace” off the other woman? This happens far too often. They rant and rave, create a scene, while the other woman stays inside and the employers call security.
I once knew a girl whose husband was a repeated adulterer and abuser. She was a well-educated professional, and so was he. They made the big mistake of sharing an office. The first thing he did was sleep with her secretary. Well, I the secretary got it into her head that it was she who ran things, so she started “bitching” the wife behind her back, in front of the other employees.
Eventually, wifey realised that something was amiss, after many scowls and hissing of teeth. The husband, being a coward and knowing where his bread was buttered, eventually sent the secretary packing, but can you imagine having to face the staff every day, when everyone knew what was going on?
And you would think she would have learnt her lesson. Not at all, she went back for more. The saga continued for many, many more years. Another time, our girl was driving up to Liguanea, spied her husband with a chick onboard. What did she do? Followed him to Mee Mee’s Restaurant (when it was still operating), blocked his vehicle and let fly a tirade. She asked the other woman “Why don’t’ you leave my husband? You are nothing but a.” Yes, she threw the kitchen sink at them both. He turned scarlet. Did he eventually leave the other woman? I am not sure.
I do know, however, that one morning at about 5:30 am, a woman turned up at their matrimonial home, sat on the horn and then proceeded to let her know where he had spent most of the night (He had literally just returned home). That couple was trip. They, eventually, did break up after many more altercations, including his pregnant wife ramming the back of the other woman’s car. I believe he even kicked her a few times.
I say this, folks, because I believe that that type of destructive relationship is nothing but possession. Also it makes this confrontation business look quite ludicrous.
If you have to confront the other woman to get your man’s attention, something is very, very wrong, and, in doing that, you lose something. I endorse Calypso Rose’s philosophy. I would rather die with my dignity than let the other woman know how much I am hurting. And, if it reaches that stage, she can have him. These things have a way of spiralling out of control until someone may be even facing murder charges.
If your man respects you, he won’t let you get a glimpse of his indiscretions, if he has any. I am not naïve to believe that a man will never stray. The temptations are great and men are not the strongest sex when it comes to fidelity. Besides which, we women don’t give them a chance to be good.
This one-up-manship with women has become so bitter that newspapers, florists and undertakers are very wary about how they take business. Remember a few years ago when there was a spate of death announcements of women very much alive, of wreaths and undertakers turning up at peoples’ offices and homes.
We need to stop and think. If any man we want makes us resort to such measures, what is that telling us about the relationship? Anything you have to imprison to keep will eventually fly the coop. A caged animal will snarl and claw his way out to freedom, at the first opportunity.
Life is much too short to be literally fighting to keep a man. He should want you so much that you both want to stay together.
Joy Crawford is a freelance writer.
