Showing up and performing at you best after a loss
IT’S been a while, but life has been “life-ing”, which brings me to this article. In January of this year, I lost my mother to stage four colon cancer. She wasn’t just any mother; she was my rock, my prayer warrior, my support system, and truly the best mother a girl could ever ask for. Losing her felt like my world was turned completely upside down. That’s what grief does. Grief, often defined as the deep sorrow caused by loss, can feel overwhelming and all-consuming, shaking the very foundation of your life, and for the last few months that is exactly what had happened to me.
Amid this pain, one question kept haunting me: How can I still show up and perform at my best while grieving? The honest answer? I’m still figuring it out, step by step. But one thing I know for sure is that grief is a part of life, it’s not the end of it, but it truly is that rough part of life that we have to deal with. Slowly, as we take the time to pick up the pieces, we begin to heal. It’s not easy. Some days it feels impossible to focus or give your utmost. But after disappearing from the world for a while, I slowly found my footing and began to live again. And I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my family, friends, and church community. They were my lifeline.
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So, how do you perform and push forward amid grief? Here are the steps that have helped me maintain my standards and keep moving forward:
1) Take the time to grieve. There’s no “right” formula for grieving. You have to give yourself the space and grace to feel everything — because the truth is, nothing in life truly prepares you for the moment you lose a parent. Even if you expect it, it still hits differently. Allow yourself to mourn in your own time, and don’t feel rushed to “get over it.”
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2) Seek therapy if needed. Therapy comes in many forms. For some, it’s sitting with a psychologist. For others, it’s leaning on close friends, finding solace in art or sports, or simply engaging in something that soothes the soul. Find what works for you please just don’t keep it bottled up.
3) Look back on your plans and goals for the year. When you feel ready, revisit your goals. This exercise can help you refocus and remind you of the things you once set out to achieve. It’s like a gentle nudge to get back in the game, one step at a time.
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4) Take baby steps and keep pushing. It’s not going to be easy, especially if you had a mom like mine who was with you every step of the way. But you can take it day by day. The important thing is to keep moving, even when it feels like you’re walking through quicksand. Trust me: you’ll get there.
5) Surround yourself with the right people. Grief is not something you should navigate alone. Lean into your circle whether it’s family, friends, co-workers, or your church. Let them hold you up when you can’t hold yourself. Accept the love and support they offer, because it truly makes all the difference.
6) Create new rituals or traditions to honour your loved one. One thing that brought me peace was finding ways to keep my mom’s memory alive. For me, it was finding back the passion to write. Maybe for you, it’s lighting a candle, cooking the person’s favourite meal, or starting a tradition that they would’ve loved. It’s a way of keeping them close, even as you move forward.
7) Practice gratitude, even in the midst of pain. This might sound impossible, but focusing on small blessings can create a shift in your mindset. Be grateful for the moments you shared with your loved one, for the lessons they taught you, and for the people still in your life who love you.
How can organizations support team members through grief?
Picture this: not only must you find the strength to show up for yourself, but you also have to show up at work and deliver your best. Balancing personal struggles while maintaining professional performance can feel overwhelming, yet it’s a reality many face every day. It’s about digging deep, finding resilience, and pushing forward despite the challenges. Organisations play a critical role in helping their team members navigate grief while maintaining their performance. Here are some key ways, based on my experience, organisations can offer support:
1) Flexible policies: Allow employees time off to grieve and adjust. Having clear bereavement policies demonstrates compassion and understanding during a difficult time.
2) Emotional support resources: Provide access to counselling services or employee assistance programs. Encourage team members to seek support if needed.
3) Create a supportive work culture: Foster an environment where employees feel comfortable sharing their challenges. Regular check-ins from managers or HR can help grieving employees feel valued and heard.
4) Temporary adjustments: Adjust workloads or reassign tasks during the initial grieving period. This helps alleviate pressure while allowing employees to stay engaged at their own pace.
5) Training for managers: Equip supervisors with the tools to recognise and address the needs of grieving employees sensitively and effectively.
Grief is a part of life, but it’s not a permanent stopping point. Losing my mom has been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced, but I know she wouldn’t want me to stay stuck. She’d want me to keep striving, keep pushing, and keep living. And so, little by little, I am.
To anyone walking through the fog of grief, here’s what I want to tell you: take your time, lean on your people, and know that the light will find you again. You are stronger than you think, and your story is far from over.
In loving memory of my mom Ivy “Esther” Bradshaw.
Khalice Bradshaw-Davis, MSc, BSc, Diploma is an industrial and organisational psychologist, career coach and counsellor. E-mail organisationalpsychologist@gmail.com.
