Societal expectations and the pressure to ‘do it all’
Eighteen years! That’s a long time — at least, it sounds like it should be. But when you’re living life, truly engaged in it, time has a strange way of speeding up. I said to someone recently that 18 years is technically considered a generation. And then I paused, because I realised that’s exactly how long I’ve been sitting in Parliament.
It really does feel like yesterday.
I also thought back to another “18” in my life. I had just turned 18 in August 1993 and, just a few months later, I won Miss World in November. At that time, 18 years felt like forever — as I thought I had already lived through so much. I suppose, in my teenage mind, I believed I had. I’d already experienced the highs, the pressure, the spotlight. So naturally, when my parents kept trying to guide me, I’d feel a little resistant. I couldn’t understand why they still saw me as a child trying to find my way.
I know now that, to them, I had just been born the other day. But, to me, I was grown… independent… ready!
Still, I took their advice. I listened, even when I thought I didn’t need it. And, thank goodness I did.
Now, all these years later, I find myself on the other side of those conversations. Young women come up to me all the time; bright, brilliant, ambitious young women, and they say, “Lisa, I’m trying everything, but I still feel like I’m not doing enough.” Or, “I’m working so hard, but I don’t feel successful.” Or sometimes, “Everyone around me seems so sure of themselves, but I still don’t know what I really want.”
When they finish, I always ask them gently: “But you’ve just finished school. You’re still figuring it out. Have you truly found your passion?” Or, “Are you doing all of this because you think you have to live up to someone else’s expectations?”
Usually, there’s a long pause. A sigh. Sometimes even tears. Because the truth is, many of them don’t know yet. What they need to hear, what we all need to hear sometimes is this: “That’s okay to not have it all figured out.”
There is so much pressure on young women and men today to “do it all”. To be successful, stylish, socially active, emotionally intelligent, physically fit, spiritually grounded, well-travelled, and always… always… on top of things.
Society has created a version of human beings that must be part superhero, part saint, part CEO. And it’s exhausting.
We scroll through social media feeds filled with people who seem to have it all figured out. Flawless lives, thriving businesses, happy families, and picture-perfect routines. But what we don’t see are the struggles behind the scenes, the sleepless nights, the moments of doubt, the therapy sessions, the missed calls to our mothers. We see the highlight reel and we think we’re failing because our real lives don’t look the same.
For our women, it is what’s often called Superwoman Syndrome, the belief that you must succeed at everything, all the time, and never show signs of weakness. And it’s not just unfair, it’s unhealthy.
Add to that the quiet voice of Imposter Syndrome; that feeling that maybe you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not worthy of the opportunities in front of you, and the pressure becomes unbearable. You could be excelling in your career, leading a team, or running your own business, and still feel like a fraud, waiting for someone to ‘find you out’.
If I never write another article I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. More importantly, I want you to know that you don’t have to live your life trying to meet an impossible standard. You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to rest.
The truth is, life comes in seasons. Some seasons are for building. Some are for learning. Others are for healing, exploring, or simply being still. We don’t all bloom at the same time, and we’re not meant to.
When I was younger I had no idea that I’d one day spend nearly two decades in politics. I didn’t have a five-step plan for my life. I followed what felt meaningful. I listened to the whispers inside that said, “This matters.”
Yes, I worked hard, but I also stumbled, doubted, cried, and recalibrated along the way.
So to every young woman or young man who feels like you’re falling behind, or not doing enough, or hasn’t figured it out yet, hear me clearly: You are not behind! You are becoming!
You don’t need to wear every hat at once to be successful. You don’t need to prove your worth by burning yourself out. And you absolutely don’t need to have all the answers at 22, or even 32.
I will be 50 in August and I am still asking questions.
What you do need is permission to slow down, to reflect, to be intentional about what you want, rather than chasing what others expect of you.
Let’s also be honest about how deeply rooted this pressure is.
For generations, women have been conditioned to be everything to everyone, to carry, to care, to fix, to achieve. Now, we’re telling young women to go even further — lead companies, raise families, break glass ceilings, advocate for change, and look flawless while doing it, all without ever cracking under the pressure. And our men? That’s another kind of burden. They’re told to be strong, silent, unshakeable, to never show emotion, never cry. Different expectations, same suffocating silence.
That’s not empowerment. That’s impossible. Empowerment is giving yourself the grace to grow. It’s building a life that aligns with your values, not someone else’s version of success. It’s learning when to say “yes” and, just as powerfully, when to say “no.”
So here’s what I hope you’ll take away: You are enough. Not when you achieve more. Not when you finally “figure it all out”. You are enough right now, as you are in the middle of becoming.
Eighteen years goes by fast. The pressure might feel like it’s closing in, but your life is not a race. It’s not a competition. It’s a canvas. And every season, every choice, every stumble is part of the masterpiece.
Take your time. You’re doing just fine.
And, when it all feels like too much, put down the cape. You’re human, not a superhero. And that’s more than enough.