Fatherless females
My noble father,
I do perceive here a divided duty,
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To you I am bound for life and education,
My life and education both do learn me
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How to respect you,
You are the lord of my duty
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I am hitherto your daughter.
— Shakespeare
Those were some sweet words said by that daughter to her father as she presented her future husband to him. She was saying that even though he was her father who she loved, respected and was grateful to, she now has a husband who will be her main focus. “I do perceive here a divided duty.”
That’s basically the same thing that the
Bible says about children taking a spouse and giving their priority to them over their parents.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24
The same applies to a daughter. But what happens when a woman grows up without a father? We have heard so much about boys having no fathers in their lives and the negative impact that it has on their development.
Well, the same applies to girls who grow up without a father in their lives. It’s not spoken of as much as the situation with the boys, but the impact of fatherless females is as great, if not even more profound.
We’ll find out more, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Men need women’.
Hi Tony,
Yes, men do need women, but what a price they have to pay just for some female companionship! They have to tell a ton of lies just to get an ounce of truth from them. They have to tell them how much they love them, just to get some sex. They have to put up with their misery and nagging, just to get some attention and meals; and they have to withhold their emotions just to not appear to be weak. What a heavy price to pay.
Michael
Hey Teerob,
Of course, men need women, after all, where would a man be without a woman to tell him what to do? Where would a man be without having a woman tell him how to dress, how to act in public, how to eat properly? Where would a man be without a woman telling him how to drive? I tell you where, he’d be liberated.
Django
Everyone talks about daddy’s girl and women with daddy issues, but rarely do we hear of the impact that absent fathers have on daughters. A research paper showed that girls who grew up without fathers experienced puberty earlier than girls who did, and actually had earlier menstrual cycles.
“According to research, girls who grow up without a father in the household tend to hit puberty earlier than girls with a present father, with studies showing a link between father absence and earlier onset of puberty, particularly in breast development and pubic hair growth.”
But there’s much more than those factors that men should take heed of. In fact, the research outlines a list of dangerous characteristics of women without a father figure. That lack of paternal stability can be most damaging.
It begins by stating, “A woman who grew up without a father figure or a strong father figure often carries unresolved issues that can make her difficult, unstable and dangerous to deal with in a relationship.”
In the very same way that boys need that authority of a father to stabilise and shape their lives, so does a girl. The difference is though, a woman who didn’t grow up with that father figure may grow up having no respect for authority from any man.
She had no guiding force in her life, no man to show or influence her in a positive way, so when a man eventually comes into her sphere to start a relationship he’s met with resentment, hostility or lack of respect from her.
“Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?”
It’s the first time in her life that she’s experiencing that sort of authority from a man, and because it’s alien to her, she often lashes out.
Without a stable father figure, she often lacks emotional stability. We’ve often seen women with dramatic mood swings, erratic and unstable behaviour.
“Man, as soon as I open my mouth she fly off the handle.”
Of course, there are some women who may display those volatile characteristics who didn’t get them from having no father figure, but in general, females who grew up without fathers tend to display that sort of temperament.
Another drawback from having no father figure is a strong need for validation, the research says. Because she grew up without masculine love and approval, she constantly seeks validation from men, making her clingy, insecure and always seeking attention. Men always have to tell her how great she looks, how beautiful she is, how smart she is, how fantastic her clothes are, as that is the fuel that feeds her aura.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”
That also comes with deep-seated trust issues, as she may have difficulty trusting men. After all, her father wasn’t there from the beginning, or abandoned her when she was young, so in her mind, that’s how all men are.
“You men are all the same; my father left me and my mother and you’ll do the same to me.”
Many of those women who grew up without fathers are fiercely independent, priding themselves on doing everything on their own, and in effect having no need of men.
“I grew up with no man in my life from I was little, so I can continue that trend.”
You may have heard the term, ‘women love bad men,’ and indeed I have touched on it before, but the research suggests that many women without father figures gravitate towards toxic, unreliable and abusive men and avoid stable, good men, just because they love the drama.
Oh yes, ‘Good guys finish last’, ‘Nice guys only win in the movies’, ‘Great guys never get good women’ are phrases, songs and sayings that we’ve heard before. Well, they started out from women who had no fathers.
A mother’s love is so essential for the welfare and upbringing of a child, but so is the influence of a father, even though Father’s Day nuh get nuh rating, but a suh it guh. It’s been chronicled how important a father’s influence is on a boy’s life. Even now I still remember my father’s voice in my head, giving me advice, reassuring me, and guiding me through the perilous challenges of life.
I still remember he and I tinkering in the engine of my first car on the weekends and the bonding that occurred then. It’s special. Many boys emulate their fathers, but the influence of a father on the life of a young girl can also be priceless. She may not be aware of it, but that strong, masculine figure and influence play such an important part in her life.
Her father and her may not dabble around in car engines, getting all greased up, or play rough and tumble sports together, but there are so many other things that contribute to her development.
“It was my father who taught me to value myself.” — Dawn French.
“A girl’s first true love is her father.” — Marisol Santiago
“When my father didn’t have my hand, he had my back.” — Linda Poindexter.
Many women tend to marry men who are like their fathers. At weddings, it’s the father who gives away the bride, but there is also a danger of women substituting their fathers with their husbands. In effect, she marries a man but also sees him as the father that she never had. That not only emotionally stresses her, but puts undue challenges on the husband who has to fill the roles of not only spouse, but father as well. He cannot be both.
Do you remember the song, Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross?
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence,
My father would leave behind
And dance with my mother and me
And then spin me around ’till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
How I’d love love love
To dance with my father again.
Sometimes men get involved with fatherless women and experience all that I’ve outlined, and perhaps even more. It’s difficult for some men to understand all the challenges, and often impossible to tolerate. But in many cases it stems from a deep-rooted factor, that of females who had no fathers.
At no point in their lives were they ever referred to as daddy’s little girl, or had someone to love, admire, and respect and say, “That’s my father, my hero.”
More time.
seido1yard@gmail.com
Footnote: Bringing up a daughter is arguably far more challenging than bringing up a son, especially when done by a single father. Yet it’s been done with great success by various men. I personally know of a few. In two cases these men were abandoned by their women and forced to bring up their daughters single-handedly. In the first scenario, this late, prominent media personality’s wife just up and left because of circumstances that she thought she couldn’t tolerate. I can understand her leaving the man, but to leave her two infant daughters was mystifying. Nevertheless, that man admirably raised his daughters until they became successful adults. In the second case, this man’s wife left the household for a younger man, but the husband successfully raised the children by himself. Those fathers are special.
