These signs have mark’d me extraordinary;

And all the courses of my life,

Do show I am not in the roll

Of common men.

— Shakespeare

How many of you can say that about signs that have made you extraordinary? If so, then you’re certainly not in the same category as common men, but are special. Most times we see signs and choose to ignore them at our peril. Can you just imagine driving down the road and ignoring all the traffic signs? The consequences can be disastrous.

“My my, what a terrible accident, didn’t he see the signs?”

Those signs are put there for a reason — to protect us from danger — and yet many people choose to ignore them or don’t take them seriously.

“To tell you the truth, I saw the stop sign, but couldn’t bother to stop.”

At least those traffic signs are pretty obvious, well-defined, and plain as day. Unfortunately, the same does not apply to signs in relationships, although some can be obvious, in your face, and impossible to ignore.

But some are hidden in innuendo, shrouded in mystery, a riddle wrapped up in an enigma that only a skilled sleuth can detect, so subtle they are. Subtle signs of lost interest, that’s my spiel today, right after we see what these folks had to say about my take on ‘Man shortage’.

Hi Tony,

I don’t think that there’s a shortage of men. The fact is, both set standards for a relationship. Some women don’t want a homosexual man, while some men don’t want a lesbian woman. Either way, some don’t want to be tied to a marital relationship. Some men want a young lady/girl, to keep them young and active, while some women want all the bling bling, perks, adventures and financial gains that go with the package. Yeah, you’re probably right, there’s nothing going on but the rent.

POT

Teerob,

I was reading the ‘Man Shortage’ story and my take is that it’s the age rubric that causes the issue. Women want men slightly older, men will date from 18 to their age, so it becomes a mathematical dichotomy that gives the appearance of a gender imbalance. Good article.

Pardy

Some people have the forensic skills of a detective or an archaeologist who can decipher evidence from the slightest of clues and come to a definitive conclusion. Remember the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes?

“Mr Holmes, how did you solve that mystery?”

“Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.”

It may have been simple to him, but for the average man it’s exceedingly difficult.

Sadly, most people, and in this case I’m referring to men, have no such relationship-forensic skill, and are oblivious to the subtle signs which are there when a woman loses interest. Sometimes they do see them but live in denial, refusing to accept that their woman has lost interest in them.

This can be a deathly blow to a man’s ego; so many times he just goes along blithely, ignoring the fact that she’s lost interest. But this can have the same effect as the motorist who ignores traffic signs, or the ostrich who buries its head in the sand, hoping that the danger is not present. Wishing that it’s not there does not make it go away.

What are those signs though? Well, one obvious one is when she suddenly requests or demands more space. Why would she want space away from you? There was a time when she craved your company and couldn’t get enough of your presence. In fact, it was almost overbearing as she almost smothered you, never wanting to let you out of her sight, clingy.

But now, she wants space. That’s a sure sign that she’s losing interest. In contrast, this does not apply to men generally for most men always have a need for space, even at the beginning of the relationship — it’s in their nature. Hence the need for a man to have his own territory, a mancave they call it. For a woman who suddenly wants space though, it’s a sure sign that she’s losing interest.

“Honey, what’s bothering you?”

“I need some space; I feel smothered.”

Another sign is that she doesn’t miss you, which actually ties into the need-for-space syndrome. If you happen to go away on a trip for whatever reason — business or recreation — and she doesn’t even care how long you’re staying or when you’re coming back, that’s a sure sign that she’s lost interest in you.

“Honey, I’m going to Montego Bay.”

“Okay then, bye.”

“Not even a ‘When are you going, how long are you staying, when are you coming back?’ ”

Nothing. That’s a sure sign the interest has waned.

Worse, if you spent two weeks and she didn’t even give you a call, or take your call. That’s a subtle sign. As for men who get arrested and are incarcerated and their woman doesn’t even visit them during that time in lock-up, that’s another sign that she lost interest.

“Where’s your man?”

“Mi hear seh police lock him up from last month.”

“And you don’t go visit him?”

“I was busy.”

That’s another one, she’s always busy. Early on in the relationship she was never too busy for her man, but now? Suddenly she’s more occupied than a beaver building a dam, and has no time for her man.

She gets involved in every activity under the sun, from Kiwanis meetings, church business, working long hours at the office, visiting senior citizens, PTA meetings. There are not enough hours in the day that she does not fill as she flits from one activity to the next, making truth of the old saying, “Busy as a bee.” Yes, but she can’t find time for the man, though.

This, of course, morphs into the next subtle sign, that of the man not being her priority. Everything else takes centre stage over the man — her job, her friends, the children, even the dog takes priority as she’ll feed that animal before she feeds the man.

And let’s not forget the cellphone, as she spends more time on that instrument than workers at a call centre. I still remember my good bredrin telling me, “Oh I wish I was a cellphone, as I’d get so much more interest from my wife.” First thing in the morning, she caresses the phone; while in the bathroom the phone is omnipresent; even while eating the phone is being checked; and last thing at night, the phone.

She pays more attention to the phone than she does to the man. It’s a common and subtle sign that she’s lost interest in the man.

“How she caress and fondle that phone makes me feel jealous, but I can’t compete.”

Then, of course, there’s the very obvious one, the lack of libido, the disinterest in intimacy, the loss of lust, the rebuffing of romance. That’s a sure sign that she’s lost interest in her man, as all of her physical needs have evaporated, and her sexual appetite disappears..

I say “her man” for in many situations she still has those needs and desires, but for someone else. It’s just that she has lost interest in her man but has refocused on another.

“I’ve just lost all feelings for him, but my skin ketch a fire when Joe comes around.”

Many men have suffered through this, and it’s a sure indication that she’s lost interest in the man. It’s perhaps the singular most significant indication that a woman has lost interest. The fact is, it never started out like that, but as time passed and interest waned, so does sexuality on her part. It’s a very common complaint of countless men.

“My woman don’t want me anymore.”

Some women may divert this interest elsewhere and may actually flirt with other men, even as she stops showing affection to her man. Ask yourself this question: When was the last time your woman showed you any affection, not necessarily sex, but just basic affection like a kiss or a hug?

Some men will see those signs and try their best to either ignore them or overturn them by stepping up their game, buying her gifts, taking her out more, showing more love, but in most cases it’s a done deal; that horse has bolted, never to return.

When a woman has lost interest in a man it’s best to accept it, as it’s a one-way street with no turning back. No matter how hard you try, it can’t be rekindled. It’s like trying to revive a dead horse, an exercise in futility.

Still, sometimes it’s cause and effect as these quotes suggest.

‘You ignored me, I lost interest, and it’s as simple as that.’

‘Nothing loses my interest faster than someone lying to me.’

‘Being ignored causes women to lose interest. The person ignoring her becomes less attractive both physically and mentally.’

‘Seeing someone lose interest in you is probably one of the worst feelings ever.’

So, perhaps it’s the man’s fault, eh? That may very well be true, but the fact remains, sometimes women simply lose interest for reasons they don’t even know, and that’s the way it is.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Kingston College have won the coveted Manning Cup, the symbol of urban schoolboy football supremacy, for the 17th time now. This is their third title in the last six outings, with 92 goals — the most scored by a team in any season, Manning or daCosta Cup. Quite a remarkable achievement for the famed Purples. Congratulations to the team, Coach Vassel Reynolds, Principal Dave Myrie, management staff headed by Donovan Germaine, support staff, old boys, for this achievement. The team put on a classic display of football in the final, dispatching St Catherine High three goals to one. After a challenging seasone KC motto rings true, ‘The brave may fall but never yield’. Fortis. I must commend St Catherine High for putting up a good fight and never giving up, even after being three goals down.

I still do not endorse the new format of the Walker and Ben Francis cups. How can teams that came second or third get nothing, yet losing teams that finished at the bottom of the pile play for a trophy then brag about winning silverware? It’s a loser’s trophy and should be so named, the Consolation Cup. It makes a mockery of past winners who had to compete against the top four teams. Mr Walker and Mr Francis deserve better.