Time is very slow for those who wait,

Very fast for those who are scared,

Very long for those who celebrate,

And for those who love,

Time is eternal.

— Shakespeare

It’s been said that it’s not what you do but when you do it that really matters, so it’s really when you do that’s important. Timing is everything, and as that quote above suggests, it’s all relative, which is exactly what Einstein postulated many years ago, long after Shakespeare penned those words. I particularly liked that last line that said, ‘And for those who love, time is eternal.’

I would have changed it a bit though, tweaked it a little and said instead, ‘For those who make love, time is eternal.’ Oh yes, if you enjoy anything in life you’re not going to want it to end. If a movie is bad, you can’t wait until it’s finished and may even walk out before. But if it’s great, you never want it to end, but to go on and on and on.

“This is so great, I never want it to end.”

How many of you have said that while making love? Well, although the prudes and hypocrites may not like this theme, sex is an integral and important part of our lives. After all, it’s what got us here. But like most activities in life, sex also has a timetable.

Just as the Bible saying goes, ‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to sow and a time to reap.’ The same applies to sex, as you can’t just indulge in it willy nilly like that, you have to have a timetable. If not, you’ll be left out in the cold.

“Come baby, just a kiss.”

“No, this is not the right time.”

So that’s our theme today, ‘Sexual timetable’, right after these responses to my take on ‘Telephone love.’

Teerob,

I agree with you, ‘people are prisoners to their phones.’ My phone is an open book, nothing to hide. You have left out the possible cancer-causing component of the cellphone to the body. That could be worth exploring. Thanks for your awesome insight.

PT

Hey Tony,

Telephone lovers are very real, and I know many people who are hooked to their devices. I also know a young lady who actually has a telephone love service where men call her and they indulge in sex talk over the phone. By day she’s a respectable corporate office worker, but by night she’s a telephone sex worker. Can you imagine that, right here in Jamaica? She earns good money too.

Patricia

There’s a time and place for everything, and if you have the time, I’ll find the place. That’s the thinking of many people who want to indulge in mankind’s favourite pastime — sex, or making love, if you please. It’s been said that if a woman takes sex out of the relationship, she has nothing else to offer to hold the man, and if the man takes money out of the relationship, the woman has no interest in him.

Wow! Those are troubling words, and I’m sure that many people, especially women, will take offence to them.

“What are you saying, if I don’t bring sex to the relationship, the man won’t want me?”

Harsh as it may sound, it’s absolutely true. Don’t just take my word for it.

“Remove sex from a relationship and you will discover that a lot of people have nothing to offer.”

“My boyfriend said that if we remove sex between us then there’s no reason to be together.”

Now, I’m not talking about older people who are past it and settled in their ways. I’m referring to younger, eager, healthy people who are intent on having a viable relationship. When the man meets the woman and starts to court her, what do you think his interest and ultimate goal is? To have sex with her.

If, after a few weeks or months of courting — ie running up and down, taking her out, buying her dinner and gifts and being on his best behaviour — there is no sex on her agenda, what do you think he’s going to do? He’ll be outta there faster than a bat out of hell.

Just imagine, on that first date she declares, “Let me tell you up front, I’m not into the sex thing at all.”

‘Toot toot tootsie goodbye, toot toot tootsie don’t cry,’ are the words from the song. The man would have no further interest in her.

On the other hand, if, after a few dates, she realises that the dude hasn’t got 10 cents to rub together, and is only full of mouth, what do you think she’s going to do? “See you later alligator, in a while crocodile,” would be her parting song.

So in essence, it’s quid pro quo, they both offer something in return. The man’s desires and interest are heightened with the promise of a sexual encounter, and her interest is piqued at the aspect of how much money he has. Sexless women do not get men, and poor men do not get quality women. Whether you like to hear it or not, it’s a fact.

“I don’t believe in sex.”

“I’m the CEO of a fortune 500 company.”

“Why didn’t you say so? My beliefs can change ”

Now, on to the sexual timetable. People can’t have sex just like two animals rutting in the jungle. Well, maybe some can, but for most others, they go through a ritual song and dance first. If she jumps into bed with him on the first date, he may think her loose, an easy lay, that she’s a free drink on the house and no man goes thirsty. He’ll not take her seriously.

And if he presses for sex on the first date, she may think that he’s forward and only has one thing on his mind. She’ll be turned off.

“I tell you, first time I took her out, she let off. She too easy.”

“Imagine, after the first date he wanted to have sex. Bright and out of order.”

So, that’s when the sexual timetable comes into play. For some couples, the relationship is consummated after two to three months of dating. For others it may be shorter or even longer, but there is a timetable. That way both parties are satisfied that there’s some seriousness to the relationship and both are comfortable.

Even in marriage there is a sexual timetable, for the marriage is only legal after it is consummated, after the couple has had sexual relations. That should be the other way around; sex first, marriage after. What if both are sexually incompatible, what if she hates sex, what if he’s impotent? Would you buy a car without taking it for a test run first? I have explored this before and I remain firm in my stance on the matter. You can’t buy puss inna bag.

This time frame may vary, but it can’t be too long, as the man’s patience may grow thin.

“Twelve months now and nutten nah gwaan, wha she tek big man fah?”

The irony is though, a man’s timetable and a woman’s are totally different, and what he may feel is too long a time, is very short for her. This lady who I know complained that her husband wants to make love every night, and if one night she doesn’t accommodate him, he gets sulky, moody and angry at her, saying that he’s being deprived for too long.

“Imagine, if one night pass and nothing happen, the man vex and cuss me.”

Yes, women and men have different timetables as established, but what is true is that it’s far better that the man has a more robust timetable than the woman. At least, if she says no, he can just roll over and go to sleep. But can you imagine if her timetable is like that of a frequent flier, regular and every day? Most men couldn’t handle that pressure, and may not be able to respond to her demands. And remember, hell hath no fury like a woman spurned.

“Big strong man like you can’t handle the work, big and so-so.”

Now, based on the sexual timetable, what time in the relationship does either party decide to step out and sample something new? It doesn’t always happen, but the experts say that after five years or so of being involved is when the outside clock starts ticking.

Women will say, “I just got tired of him.” And men will say, “I just wanted to experience a new timetable, a different joyride.” Here are some quotes about sexual timetable.

“Sex, the only thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” — John Barrymore.

“But I have learned that you can’t just create your own timetable and it will come true.” — Emily Giffen

“Take care of the minutes, and the hours will take care of themselves.” — Lord Chesterfield

Yes, timing is everything, and it’s not how you do it but when you do it. Just make sure that you bide your time, then strike when the iron is hot.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Sometimes we have to wonder about the agenda that some schools have. Case in point is the story of the student from Immaculate High who was asked to leave the institution because ‘her grades were not satisfactory’ in one CAPE subject. The story has been carried in the news and on Dionne Jackson Miller’s programme. The girl has eight CXC passes, four CAPE passes including the one that she’s deemed to be not satisfactory in. She is a model student, involved in many school activities, including extracurricular. And yet she’s not been allowed to matriculate to upper sixth form because of one subject. How can this be fair, right or just? That’s why Jamaicans will take to the streets to protest injustice, real or perceived.