And keep you in the rear of your affection,

Out of the shot and danger of desire,

The chariest maid is prodigal enough,

If she unmask her beauty to the moon.

— Shakespeare, Hamlet

The word “chariest” comes from “chary”, which means “cautiously or suspiciously reluctant to do something”. Then to add to that, as the quote above alludes to, “keep you in the rear of your affection, out of the shot and danger of desire”. In other words, nothing for you as ‘yu nah get nutten’.

There’s a definite reluctance to be accommodating to any affection, as she’s cautious, not willing to get involved in any desire for reasons only she can comprehend. To wit, she’s withholding any pleasures that she has from the man.

But why do women withhold sex? In a nutshell, because they can. But it goes deeper than that, for not because they can, means that they should, and why should they feel the need to do so anyway? Does that smack of vindictiveness and cruelty?

Nevertheless, they do, and many men have felt the icy coldness of women who choose to withhold sex from them. Did I say women… make that wives, for single women do not withhold sex from their boyfriends, neither do mistresses, that is the remit of wives.

We’ll find out why they withhold sex right after we see what these readers had to say about my take on ‘Marrying older women’.

Teerob,

You revert to di almshouse writing about women. Men choose a ‘younger model’ (use of the inanimate in relation to women is offensive and denigrating) because they are immature and underdeveloped, often incapable of meeting all the needs of a grown woman. That’s a gross generalisation, ’bout woman look older than their husbands…that’s because women are overworked looking after children and the house.

Klao

Hi Tony,

There is much truth in what you say, and one of those truths is that there are always exceptions to every rule. I would have no problem having relations with an older woman, say 10 years my senior, if she hides her age well, is healthy, has a great body and beautiful face and sexy as hell. I could go for a woman 10 years younger than me as well.

Cedric

We should all know by now that women withhold sex for various reasons, depriving the man, or locking shop, as they call it. But while some reasons may be obvious and clear-cut, there are others that are subtle, wrapped up in riddles for the man to try and figure out. He’s not getting nutten and doesn’t even know why.

I was having a very spirited discussion with a group of men regarding the subject of women withholding sex. They had diverse views based on their personal experiences and also those of their peers. The consensus, though, was that women thought that they held the power of sex in their hands (did I say hands) and could dole it out or withhold it whenever they felt like.

“It’s like giving out box lunch to a hungry man,” was how one guy put it. “Big mistake,” another guy said, “for if my woman withhold sex from me is street me gone.” For some reason, women seem to think that men want sex more than they do; in effect, they hold the bag of goodies and the man has to have it, as he drools, salivates, and lusts. Is this really so? Most societies, especially in the Western world, are sex-driven, consumed by eroticism, besotted with sensuality and sexuality, yet the hypocrisy is almost equal, if not overshadows all of that rampant and wanton sexual hedonism.

Men are driven by sex, they think it, they want it, they do it. Almost every healthy man has sex on his mind, and would have sex with as many women as he could if he could do so and get away with it. This goes across the board, from policeman to politician, pauper to preacher, cook to coach, if they could, they would.

What keeps most men in check are the shackles of societal morality, the vows of marriage, the laws of the land and conscience. It was Shakespeare who said, “Conscience makes cowards of us all.” So even though they may think it, they don’t act on it, for the moral, religious and legal strictures hold them in check.

That being said, many still buss out, and even parson prance off pulpit, ‘kin poopalick’ over the congregation and partake of what pleasures are in the pews. Many men have multiple women all over the place and numerous children with them. So the hypocrisy that I mentioned is that even though we are sex-driven, whenever a man acts upon his libido and liberates his loins, he is punished severely.

Women who committed adultery in years gone by were tarred and feathered and made to walk through the town in disgrace, jeered and ridiculed by the very same people who she cohabited with. Many coaches of female teams who were caught having sex with their charges were hauled before the courts and punished severely, even as some men looking on may say, “Man, those girls were tempting; I would if I could.” The crime is getting caught.

Maybe even the arresting officer, the lawyer, the judge, and jury have committed worse sex acts than the accused, but they still punish him.

“Tis one thing to be tempted, Escalus, another thing to fall, I not deny. The jury passing on the prisoner’s life may, in the sworn twelve, have a thief or two guiltier than him they try.” — Shakespeare.

I say all that to say this: Women are aware of the sexuality of libidinous men; therefore, it’s only logical that they use this knowledge to their advantage, use it against men and, in effect, deprive them of what they find pleasure in.

So one reason why they withhold sex is to punish the man.

“Since him love it so much, I just take it away and make him suffer.”

As one man countered, “The trick is, do not let them hold the advantage; if she withhold it, so be it, move on.”

Another man expressed, “Let her lock shop, many shops are outta road, and cheaper too.”

But hold on, that means that if she withholds sex from the man she doesn’t like it as much as the man, for if she did, by withholding it, wouldn’t she be punishing herself too, in effect cutting off her nose to spite her face?

The point is, if women loved sex as much as men do, then it should follow that the man should be the one to punish her by withholding sex from her.

“I gwine to make her suffer; no sex with her for a month.”

Hahahahaha, in what universe, maybe she’d welcome the break. That simply does not work.

Another subtle reason why women withhold sex is memory. Women tend to hold on to memories more than elephants do, and one day, out of the blue, sex will be withheld because of some distant memory in her head.

The irony is that memory doesn’t even have to involve her current man, but may stem from some past experience from a previous relationship. As the old saying goes, “She fry the new man in the old man oil.”

Some women admit that it’s not a conscious effort on their part to withhold sex, but when their brain is not right, then all thoughts of sexual activity evaporates. Now that’s where men differ, for as far as a man is concerned, there is no link between mood, bad feeling, and sex. Unless, of course, his sports team loses, then he cannot have sex that night. In fact, someone even coined a phrase for that connection between a woman’s brain and her feelings for sex, ‘FINE’ (freak, insecure, neurotic, emotional).

Now, before you go off on a rant and cuss me, I’m merely echoing the sentiments of the many men who I spoke with on the subject. So when a woman says that she’s fine, in effect she’s all those things defined, or at least some of them.

Withholding sex is a woman’s prerogative; it’s her trump card, her ace in the deck, her leverage, her weapon of mass distraction. For some, though, it’s not a conscious effort, but driven by FINE.

“I just can’t do it when I’m feeling this way.”

And as one man asked, “How come women always have some emotional crosses going on in their head?”

When a woman stops having feelings for the man, she also withholds sex. Again, this is not a conscious effort on her part, but she simply has no desire for the man. Sure, she may try and fake it by giving him a piece now and then, but in the long run the lack of desire will supersede any effort of ‘pity sex’.

American singer Carol King sang.

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time

There’s something wrong here there can be no denying

One of us is changing

Or maybe we just stop trying

And it’s too late baby, now it’s too late

Though we really did try to make it

Something inside has died

And I just can’t fake it.

Many men have come to realise this and have accepted it, while others feel aggrieved and upset that their woman doesn’t desire them anymore. As one man said, “It’s not the lack of sex that bothers me, but the fact that she doesn’t want me anymore.”

All that being said, withholding sex from a man is a female prerogative, for if a man dares to try that with a woman his name would be out on the streets in the most unflattering way.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: The Olympics has come and gone and various opinions have been expressed about our performance. We can be a cruel, unforgiving, and ungrateful people. Our athletes have brought us fame and glory for many years, and they still do, but as soon as any of them falter due to injury or mishaps, the barbs of condemnation are hurled at them. No one goes to the Olympics to fail, and sports can be uncertain. When we were outshining other countries on the track, how do you think those countries felt? Now that we didn’t do as well as we used to, the criticisms begin. We won one gold, three silver, and two bronze medals, yet people are cursing. Despite our so-called poor showing, we placed eighth on the track and field table in front of numerous big countries. Over 200 countries participated in the Olympics. Shame on those who vilify our wonderful athletes. Shame on you!