Men should be

What they seem.

— Shakespeare, Othello

A man should really be what he seems, but that often proves to be impossible. The reasons are varied and often complex, for at times he tries to be all things to all people, and that we know is an exercise in futility. Many politicians have found that out the hard way, as they try to be all things to all people, try to please everybody all the time.

But remember, it was American showman PT Barnum who said, ‘You can fool some of the people some of the time, you can fool some of the people all of the time, you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.’ That saying is also attributed to US President Abraham Lincoln, who, of course, was a politician.

But that’s politics throughout the ages. The biggest challenge that men have is to be perfect in the eyes of women, to put forward that persona that pleases women all the time and not just some of the time. And remember, women seek perfection in men, every woman wants the perfect man, and every woman wants her man to be perfect. That’s why they keep moulding and changing them to achieve perfection.

That’s why many women treat men as their projects, to adjust him and make him into what she thinks is perfection. But what toll does this take on the man? How can a man be what he seems to be, as Othello said in the quote above? Simple, he gives her what she wants, he becomes all things to all women. But if what Barnum or Lincoln said is true, that task may prove to be impossible.

You can fool some of the women some of the time, you can fool some of the women all of the time, you can even fool all of the women some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the women all of the time.

But some men may think, “I don’t want to fool all of them all the time, just a few and I’ll be fine with that.” So he does his best to be perfect, puts on an act for her, isn’t what he seems to be, just to please the woman.

What, though, is the perfect man? We’ll see, right after these comments about what I had to say about
Sexual Herassment.

Hi Tony,

It seems that there were some women who made sexual harassment a way of getting cash from famous rich men. These women would flirt with the intended victims and accept invitations to their hotel rooms. Most victims were players on major league sports teams who were rich, and travel, leaving wives at home. Then the blackmail starts. Then there are those women who claim sexual assault that supposedly occurred decades ago and are now coming out of the woodwork and file lawsuits for big cash. What became of the statute of limitations?

– Pedro

Tony,

This sexual harassment, or as you aptly call it, sexual herassment, is tipped towards the women. What recourse does a man have who is wrongly accused of harassment? Even if proved to be innocent, the stain will be on him forever. That’s why I don’t talk to them, don’t look at them, don’t smile with them, don’t touch them and don’t hug them. Dem is too wicked.

– Robert

For centuries women have been looking for the perfect man, their knight in shining armour, and if they can’t find him, they fantasize about him and create wonderful images about him in their heads. We constantly hear women say, “I want a prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet.” Or at least we hear them say, ‘I want a good man, you can’t find a nice decent man for me?”

Rarely do we hear of men saying that they want a perfect woman. The irony is, those same women who clamour for the perfect man usually fall short themselves. What do they have to offer that perfect man? They seek perfection from men, but they are as flawed as a rotten tomato.

Just picture this scenario, the perfect man with a swarthy miserable hag of a woman. It just doesn’t add up. The comments would be, “What in heaven’s name is he doing with her?” If you want perfection in others, at least try to be perfect yourself.

The irony is, even if the man is perfect, or as near as perfect as can be, she invariably tries to change him. That’s the nature of women, and that’s just the way it is, how they are hard-wired, programmed. Women try to mould men to what they think he should be, her idea of perfection.

Do your own survey, don’t even ask pollster Don Anderson to help you, when have you heard women say that they want the perfect man, then compare it to how many times you’ve heard men say that they want the perfect woman. Maybe men just have low expectations, who knows? But someone once said, ‘High expectations are the root of all disappointment.’

But who is the perfect man? That’s easy, some women say, “The man who does everything that I want him to do.” And pray tell, what does that entail? For most women, the perfect man must have strong physical attributes, hence the cliché, ‘tall dark and handsome.’

As one man lamented to me recently, “Women do not really rate short men.” That may very well be true, for women over the centuries have always put more stock into men of height over men who are vertically challenged. So much so that if a short man is seen with a tall beautiful woman, the comments usually go, “Is how him manage to get her, him must have money.”

Yes, money is the great equaliser and does manage to add height and stature to diminutive men, and that’s a shame, but women and society can be cruel.

Still it was French artist Toulouse Lautrec who said, “The measure of greatness is not found on a yardstick.”

The perfect man has to be a provider, and when I say provider, I mean a man who can satisfy all her needs. “My perfect man must have a good source of income to spend on me.”

But even if he isn’t wealthy, although that adds to his perfection, he must be well off enough to live somewhere decent and drive a nice vehicle. I’ve mentioned that aspect before.

Interestingly, the real test of perfection comes in the domestication of the man. As far as some women are concerned, a domesticated man is the perfect man. He’s the man who has no issues with doing chores around the house, and if he falters on those duties, he’ll be judged more harshly that a convicted felon.

Domestication goes hand in glove with perfection, and the more dishes that the man washes, is the more perfect he becomes in her eyes. This is not my opinion, but has basis in fact plus the numerous comments that women make. In fact many years ago, I recall a sermon given by a pastor in St Thomas that addressed this, titled, ‘Do the dishes get some loving.’ I never forgot that strident sermon.

In effect, women place great stock on men doing dishes and will love them even more if they do so. So the more dishes that a man does, is the more perfect he’ll become in the woman’s eyes.

Sadly, in this scenario many men fall short on the perfection spectrum, for no way can a mere mortal of a man match a woman when it comes to household chores. For some women, it’s an obsession as they constantly try to keep the house looking as pristine as the cathedral in Vatican City. That’s their comfort zone, their strong suit, and is in contrast to a man tending to a newborn baby. Sure he may be able to do it for a while, but he certainly isn’t comfortable with it.”Here honey, take her, I can’t manage any more.” And yet, that’s what many women use to measure the scale of perfection in men.

“Oh, I married the perfect man, he makes the bed every morning, then he prepares breakfast, sweeps and mops the house when I’m out, and scrubs the toilet at night.” “Lady, that perfect man used to work with Manpower cleaning agency.”

It matters not what the man does in other areas, if it’s not related to domestic chores, then he’s not perfect. I have done my surveys, and I hear the same thing, so my findings can be verified and corroborated.

Here’s the twist though, even though the woman wishes for the perfect man to come along and sweep her off her feet and make passionate love to her, conditions apply. It is the complaint of many ‘perfect men’ who say that they’re not getting enough in the lovemaking department. “It was great at first, but after a while all I keep hearing are excuses why she can’t.”

“So even though the parson preach, do the dishes get some loving, I wash dish ‘til a fool, but not getting anything.”

That has been the plight of many men who fulfil all the rules of perfection, except that one. “She say that she can’t manage it so much.”

‘
You may not be the perfect man, but you are the perfect man for me, and there’s no one else I want but you.’ – Love quotes.

‘We come to love not by finding s perfect person, but by looking to see an imperfect person perfectly.’ – Sam Keen.

‘The perfect man is someone you love who also loves you.’ – Mildred Newman

So ladies, maybe you should be more realistic, lower the bar somewhat, and gentlemen, be yourself, do not strive to be perfect, for even that will not be enough. More time.

seidp1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Do not take this perfect man scenario lightly. Many men try to please their women but come up woefully short. Apart from this is the hidden shame of women heaping abuse upon men. It is a common but often under-reported situation referred to as the secret shame. Men who are constantly abused and bullied by their women. If the man dares to open his mouth, he is met with a flurry of blows from the woman. If he retaliates he will certainly be charged for assault. It’s a no-win situation for those men who are trapped in a vortex of despair. Even if he reports it to the authorities he loses, for it’ll be his words against hers. After all, how can a woman abuse a big strapping man? I shall explore this more in the future. The secret shame.