All the world’s a stage

And all the men and women merely players,

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages.

— Shakespeare

That quote by Shakespeare is perhaps one of his most profound, as it outlines the many stages of life: from infancy, mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms, to the whining schoolboy, to the lover with his mistress, the tough soldier, eventually culminating in the final stage that heralds second childishness and mere oblivion.

We all go through that, and as the saying goes: “Once a man, twice a child,” as the first and last stages suggest, complete with drooling, no teeth, and diapers, cared for by a wet nurse.

And yet, we haven’t got to embrace it, but instead, heed the advice of actor and director Clint Eastwood who’s still working, way up into his 90s. When asked what’s his secret, he replied, “Don’t let the old man in.” We all have an old man or woman waiting to take over our lives, but don’t let them in.

Sage advice from a man who seems to never stop. But stop we must, and before we stop, we slow down. The trick is, not to let it get the better of you, but recognise and appreciate the process.

Don’t call down age upon yourself, don’t hasten the process, but be aware, be very aware. A man must know his limitations. For some people it can be most daunting, as suddenly one day they wake up to the realisation that they’re no longer young. In other words, you know you’re old.

“But see ya, is when me get so old?”

We’ll see what happens, right after these responses about my spiel on ‘Change’.

Hi Tony,

I believe couples who are in very long relationships get there by going through changes. They go through physical and mental changes together, through positive and negative growth. There is compatibility, showing affection, and being intimate with each other through good times and bad.

Cedric

Hi Tony,

I certainly enjoyed your article about change. It brought out the many different personalities in the matter of change in individuals, male and female, and is a big help in analysing causes and perhaps solutions to conflicts caused by change. I have been living abroad for almost 30 years and find your articles refreshing.

O’neil W

I’ve explored the topic of age before but what I haven’t done is delve into the realisation of the process, the awareness (or lack of it) that age is upon you. One day you may look in the mirror and ask, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the prettiest of them all?” The response may very well be, “Yu too owl fi ask dem fool fool question deh.”

Some people will try to maintain their youth forever, and as the old saying goes, “don’t act dem age”. Nothing is wrong with trying to look youthful and sprightly, as long as you don’t look foolish trying to look and act like a 20-year-old when you’re in your 60s.

There is the term ‘age appropriate’, so don’t go out on the street wearing impy skimpy shorts when you’d look better in a more mature garment. But what are the signs that tell you that you’re getting old, or as we say in Jamaica, “yu owl” ?

I had to speak to some elders about this, and my findings were most instructive and insightful.

“When did you realise that you were old?” Well, the most pervasive responses referred to failing health. Yes, the health begins to decline, and all the ailments in the world seem to take set pon you.

The vision starts to get blurry, making some wish that they had longer arms to hold the reading material farther away from their eyes. Presbyopia it’s called, as the lens in the eyes aren’t as flexible as they used to be, so you have to adjust the distance manually. Either that or it’s cataracts.

Then there’s hearing loss.

“What did you say? Talk louder. Say what?”

Combine that with the aches and pains of arthritis and you know that you’re old, or getting there.

“Knee pain, hip pain, shoulder pain, neck pain, just walking is a problem.”

For men, that can be the least of their problems for the most serious health issue of all is the loss of their masculinity.

“The mind is willing but the flesh is weak… de bwoy cyah stand up again.”

That’s when you know you’re old.

As the distressed man cried uncontrollably in the column by Tony Dayal, “Woe is me, I have outlived my penis.” Realising that malady is one thing, but what’s even more shocking and traumatic is when the man thinks that he’s still young and virile, only to be told by his much younger spouse, “You’re old and pop down, you need a young man’s penis.”

Before all that though, many people realise that they’re old even before it gets to that stage. A man will approach a young lady with romance on his mind, only to be asked, “Yes Pops, how can I help you?”

“Pops, Pops, why she calling me Pops?”

This happens to the ladies too, who were once glamour queens and knockouts back in the day when they were young. All that is brought to a crashing reality when the young man who she thought was admiring her asks her, “Do you want some help with that, Mommy?”

Mommy, Pops, Dads, Elder, Uncle, Aunty, are the words that bring the stark reality home that you’re old. Heaven forbid that they refer to you as grandpa or grandma.

Another instance in which you know you’re old is when a group gathers to socialise and all they can talk about is health problems.

“Lord, mi gout acting up; every morning I wake up to pain.”

“I can’t find the right medication.”

You won’t hear young people having those discussions.

Carnival was a shining example of some folks not realising that they’re old, and then having that reality smack them right in the face. Many oldsters were seen dancing and prancing around in the streets in costumes that barely covered the layers of flab and cellulite associated with old age. Gravity can be unkind, and what used to be tight and firm now sags like a drooping, deflated balloon looking like two slippers hanging down the chest. Nothing is wrong with jumping Carnival, but costumes should be age appropriate.

You know you’re old when your children are now grown adults, even though some mothers still refer to their sons as their babies, even though they’re approaching 40 years old or more.

“Can you imagine, my son is 45, I must be really old then.”

Another indication is when the news reports say, “An elderly man, aged 62, fell into a gully and broke his legs.”

“You hear that, honey, elderly man 62. I’m 65, does that make me elderly?”

It suddenly dawns on you that you belong to the golden age group, the elderly, the geriatric.

Golden age. What a joke, what a misnomer as there’s nothing golden about growing old, is what I hear from older people.

“I have to get up and pee four times during the night, what’s golden about that?”

“Get up and pee during the night? Sometimes I don’t even bother to get up, I just pee.”

You know you’re old when your health insurance premiums skyrocket. This has caught many elderly people by surprise, and can lead to great stress and financial fever.

Just a few weeks ago a man in the USA killed his wife because he couldn’t afford to pay her hospital and medical bills. Growing old got to him and he couldn’t deal with it. This can lead some people to bouts of deep depression, compounded by loneliness, as most of their relatives, friends, contemporaries, past co-workers, or even partners have passed.

“Most of my classmates gone, my ex-staffers gone, my friends gone. Every week I go to funeral. I must be really old.”

Imagine meeting your schoolmate and he asks you, “What subject did you teach, Sir?”

Then there’s the aspect of outliving your money. It was Shakespeare who penned, “To let the wretched man who outlives his wealth.” Many folks have no pension, and didn’t plan for old age but still it crept up on them like a thief in the night and suddenly it dawns on them that they’re old and financially dependent.

“If I knew that I’d live so long I would have planned for it better.”

There was a time when children were referred to as “old-age pension” for parents. Not any more, for as old timers put it, “Dem deh nowadays pickney? Ha! Dem live offa you until dem up in dem 40s and cyah wait fi yu dead fi get more from yu.”

Yes, some children nowadays are takers, and will take and take from their parents without ever giving back anything. They feel entitled, and resent it when parents stop giving. They are selfish and ungrateful.

“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child,” said Shakespeare.

“Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.” — Walt Disney.

I thank those old timers who shared their stories with me. Growing old is to be respected.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Knowledge is power, but knowledge can also be fun. My wife and I take great pleasure in watching
Jeopardy on TV every day and try to answer as many questions as we can. We do manage to answer quite a few, even as we marvel at the depth of knowledge of the contestants. But even
Jeopardy has its flaws, and I was dismayed to see the question, “Who said, ‘Religion is the opium of the masses?’ ” The answer is Karl Marx, but it wasn’t opium that he said, but opiate. “Religion is the opiate of the masses.” Even the great
Jeopardy has its flaws. We pick up other gaffes from time to time but overall it’s an incredible programme that has us hooked.