“Marry Sir, they have committed false report;

Moreover, they have spoken untruths;

Secondarily, they are slanders;

Sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady;

Thirdly, they have verified unjust things;

And to conclude, they are lying knaves.

— Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

WHAT a strident warning that man got about the dangers of lying and the people who lie about his intended bride? If he didn’t heed those cryptic, verbose and mellifluous words, he’d be a fool, for lying is perhaps one of the worst sins that exist. When smaddy lie pon yu, is a serious ting.

Is lying a sin? If not, it should be. Is lying a crime? If not, it should be. Well, I think that it’s both, for the Bible doth proclaim, ‘Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.’ And in legal jurisprudence, lying is referred to as perjury when done in courthouse, and is a most egregious crime, punishable by a very severe sentence.

So when you go to court and place your hand on the Bible and told to answer the question, “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?” be well advised to do so, for if discovered to be found guilty of perjury, your sentence could very well be as long as that of the thief or arsonist. That’s how serious the act of lying is looked upon.

Despite this, people still lie, men, women and children. But who lies the most, who has the act of spinning the yarn or telling tall tales, twisting, bending, fracturing the truth down to a science — men or women?

We’ll find out who, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Female financial upliftment’.

Hi Tony,

For a woman with wealth, and/or of position to marry a man below her station, he must have physical assets, he must be handsome with a well-sculpted body. He thinks he has struck the mother-lode in marrying a rich woman, and will reap the benefits of her wealth. He will be mistaken, and will soon find that she is the boss, and he is merely arm candy.

Susan

Sir Teerob,

The plain truth is, many men are intimidated by women who earn more than them, and will not step out of their lane to approach such women. On the other hand, there are women of means who actually seek out men way beneath their financial station and take them as partners. These men are bought and paid for, usually by wealthy women lacking in the looks department and have nothing to offer but their money.

Douglas

Now, people say that everyone lies — men women, children, politicians, lawyers, con men, scammers, et al. But let’s not be too selective by profession, but stick to the gender roles, specifically when it comes to relationships, where words and actions play such a huge part in the success or failure of the union.

The question is, who lies more — men or women — and why do they have to lie anyway? It’s been said that men lie more than women, as they are always up to some mischief, trickery, and chicanery to get as many women into bed as possible.

To do so without letting the other women find out about his misdeeds, he has to lie. So, if he’s involved with Sheila, but is also seeing Keisha on the side, he has to lie to both of them all the time in order to maintain the status quo.

“So where were you last night?”

“Um, playing dominoes with dem boys.”

“Is that perfume I smell on your clothes?”

“Yes dear, I was sampling some for your upcoming birthday.”

He had better make sure that he buys that brand for her birthday, for things would smell so bad for him if he doesn’t. Some men get around this by buying the same brand of perfume for both women to avoid any obtuse olfactory occurrence.

But others have to lie in order to juggle the relationships. It’s absolutely impossible to be involved in multiple dalliances and not lie, it goes with the territory. And because men are notorious for carrying on multiple relationships concurrently, they are deemed to corner the market on lying. So more relationships, more lying, it’s as simple as that.

But hold on to those lying lips for a moment, for the trick to being a successful liar is not to let the person being lied to, know that you’re lying. In other words, for the lie to succeed, it has to be credible and logical as a judge in courthouse.

We’ve all heard this, “As soon as you hear him talk yu know say him lying.” Yes, some men are known to be notorious liars and have no credibility. And that’s where the women come in, for it’s been said that women are so good at it, that no one knows that their pouty, plump, petulant lips are purveyors of perennial perpetual prevarications. Combine that with the disarming tears or the alluring, seductive smile, and the lies are masked like a stealth bomber, never to be detected.

Yes, men are perceived to have cornered the market on lying, only because they are so clumsy at it, that they mostly get caught and are exposed for the liars that they are.

“How do you know when the man is lying?”

“Easy, his lips are moving.”

Not so for the woman, who is so convincing with the lies that they go undetected, undisputed, unsolved for years, if not decades, sometimes forever. There are lies of commission, where the words actually come out, and lies of omission, where nothing is said, but the implication is the shrouded deception.

“I didn’t say that I didn’t do it, I just didn’t answer you when you asked if I did it, that’s all.”

Women, just like men, will be involved with another person and forced to lie about it. Unlike men though, they are delicately deceptive, skilful with their words, and leave no tell-tale signs like the cliché lipstick on the collar, or smelling of another man’s cologne that men have to always lie about.

Women are not clumsy when it comes to lying, and that’s why their lies often go undetected, making some men decree, “One thing is true, my woman nah tell me no lie.”

“Say that again.”

“My woman nah tell me no lie, she is a Christian woman.”

Sometimes some women actually lie to protect their men.

“Yes honey, you are fantastic in bed, and big too.”

And sometimes men lie to protect their women too.

“No dear, you haven’t gained any weight.”

But I’m not referring to those lies of protection, but the lies of deception.

“Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.” — Khaled Husseini.

“And after all, what is a lie? It’s the truth in masquerade.” — Lord Byron.

“Tell a lie once, and all your truths become questionable.”

“He who tells a lie is not sensible of how great a task he undertakes; for he must be forced to invent 20 more to maintain that one.” — Alexander Pope.

Oh yes, liars have to be inventive, creative and also have good memories. But back to the debate about who lies more — men or woman. Well, as indicated, the men are more easily caught, as they’re so clumsy at lying, but the women are so deceptive that they aren’t even thought of as being liars.

But here’s a deal breaker that may very well tip the scale — that of the lie of dubious paternity. That’s where the women swing the pendulum very far, hands down, and knock the ball clear out of the park. So many men have suffered from this lie, without even knowing that they were lied to for years, decades, a lifetime and beyond.

That must be the biggest lie of all, and women have it locked, no man can outdo that. The statistics are palpable, the pickney is not his and she’ll keep on saying that it is, as the biggest lie of all is heaped on him.

“Tell me the truth, is he my child?”

“Yes, I swear that he is your pickney.”

The DNA evidence and embassy roll-call blues dispel that lie, as over 35 per cent of men tested in Jamaica are NOT the fathers of their children. Some say that it’s higher than that, as that’s the mother of all lies from those mothers.

So who lies more — men or women? The jury is still out on that.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: So today is Father’s Day, big deal, big whoop, who cares anyway? Fathers have always got a bad rap, even those who try their best to be part of their children’s lives. Of course, there are many worthless fathers around, and they should be chastised, however there are many who do their best but are still cursed by the mothers. Some aren’t even allowed to voice an opinion regarding the welfare of the child, and are rebuffed and abused constantly. Then when the child turns out a rotten failure, they wonder why. There is an organisation here called Fathers Inc, I’m not sure if they’re still around, but if you heard the pleas, plights, and complaints from many fathers, you’d cringe. In the same way that more men are reporting domestic abuse by women, it’s the same way that more fathers should voice their plight.

Happy Father’s Day…. yeah, right.