‘I love you’ a dangerous thing
THE conflict and wanton use of insulting words over money are the main drivers of the thousands of incidents of domestic violence across Jamaica, according to Deputy Superintendent of Police (DSP) Jacqueline Dillon.
“Money in the sense that persons make demands on their partners knowing that they don’t have the capacity to fulfil those demands. So, I take up a man who is a farmer and I know he could only afford to give me $5,000 per week but the moment I have a child I want $10,000 and $15,000, that is the bottom line,” Dillion, head of the response team manning domestic violence intervention centres (DVICs) islandwide, told the Jamaica Observer last Friday during an official tour of the South St Catherine DVIC at the Greater Portmore Police Station.
According to police data, 8,146 cases of domestic violence were reported across the island last year. Of that number, 1,324 cases were referred to the DVICs islandwide, which also recorded 1,720 intimate partner violence cases and 924 family violence cases, with more than 650 of those reports made by children.
Males are also reporting to the DVICs, with 743 cases between January and October 2022. Cases reported by females, however, continue to outstrip the males nearly three to one and stood at 2,201 by October 2022.
Currently there are 10 DVICs islandwide domiciled at police stations. Each DVIC is run by a trained cop offering intervention through counselling, referrals, law enforcement intervention, protection, follow-up, home visits, and other services, based on need.
Dillon pointed out that cases involving physical violence are not in the majority seen by DVIC staff.
“Most of what we are seeing is emotional abuse: ‘Yuh gut big; Yuh head big; Yuh black and ugly; Yuh breast dem drop dung; Yuh good fi nutten.’
“Words — our language, our mouth — is our greatest problem when it comes on to domestic violence because we haven’t learnt to communicate effectively without having to destroy people’s self-esteem. I could go from now to next year [in giving examples],” the senior cop said.
She also said a twisted view of love is at the heart of many of the fallouts between intimate partners.
“You see this thing about ‘I love you’? Love is a dangerous thing when you don’t understand what love means, because love doesn’t mean obsession, love doesn’t mean coercive thinking, love doesn’t mean coercive control,” she said passionately.
“Love means: ‘I love you and I will protect you, but I am not going to harm you.’ The love thing is a misconception among many persons. When they talk about love they mean s-e-x. People have to understand love and what it means,” DSP Dillon said.
“Me and my partner are in a relationship but if I move over there my partner must know; if I am going to the toilet my partner needs to know how long I am staying on the toilet; if I leave work my partner needs to know why it takes so long for me to reach home. Yes, you want to protect me but why do you need to be tracking me?” she asked to emphasise her argument.
“It’s obsession, and people don’t understand the difference between love and obsession. That is one of the major factors in relationships. It’s always about ‘I love him’ and ‘I love her’ and ‘I have to protect her’, but at the end of the day the protection can’t come when I am down the road talking to a co-worker and you come and the first thing you do is box me in the face because you don’t like the way I stand up talking to my co-worker,” DSP Dillon told the Observer.
Updating Linda Maguire, UNDP deputy director in Latin America and the Caribbean who was in Jamaica as part of a three-nation mission, Dillon said the centres — which operate beyond the boundaries of the parishes in which they are located — have helped rescue people from other countries, including The Bahamas, India and the United States, who are victims of domestic violence while here in Jamaica. Staff at the centres work with international law enforcement officers to resolve the issues.
There were 8,746 domestic violence cases reported across the island last year. A total 1,324 cases were referred to the DVICs compared to 1,145 in 2021.
In 2022 DVICs islandwide recorded 1,720 intimate partner violence cases and 924 family violence cases, with more than 650 reports made by children.
Maguire told the Observer on Friday that while she did not have statistics on hand to say how Jamaica squared off with other counties as far as incidents of domestic violence were concerned, the problem is bred by different issues.
“In some countries it’s as a result of toxic masculinity — what we expect of our men and boys, the culture of violence — and some of it is economics. In other parts of the region, and Latin America as well, we do see children in the centre — which is very, very sad,” she said.