By my life, this is my lady’s hand

These her very Cs, her Us, and her T,

And thus makes she her great Ps

Looking at it on the page, it spells out ‘C U T’

But if you read it aloud — her Cs, her Us, her Ts

It gets a little dirtier.

— Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

In that first quote, read the ‘and’ as an N, and in the second quote, a popp’rin pear is an archaic term for the penis. So, as you can see, there’s nothing new under the sun as the vagina, or C U ‘and’ T, and the penis have both been the subject of writers, poets, and other scribes who have a wry sense of humour and a gift for subtle wit.

Yes, the vagina has a history, although most people would rather not speak about it, unless they’re a gynaecologist or obstetrician. Does the word ‘unmentionable’ ring a bell?

What’s even more interesting is that most men would rather not talk about the history of the vagina, especially one that they’re currently involved with. No man wants to know that his woman’s vagina has a turbulent history. He’d rather not know about it as this may prove to be too much for his fragile ego to bear.

That’s why women either rewrite the history of their vagina — just as how some countries rewrite their history to make it look better — or they simply lie about it. Others just do not discuss it at all.

“I’d rather not speak about that personal subject if you don’t mind.”

As for penis envy, that’s a scientific theory that’s been bandied about for a very long time. We’ll see what that’s all about right after these responses regarding what I had to say about ‘How men compartmentalise’.

Hi Tony,

It seems that in men compartmentalisation comes naturally. It happens automatically when dealing with stressful situations. The mind chooses and switches, depending on the situation in hand. I had to separate stresses developed at my job from my home life, but I was not aware that I was compartmentalising. Now I know.

Frank

Hello Teerob,

It’s natural for men to compartmentalise, they have to do it as it’s the only way that they can deal with the women in their lives — real, imagined, or potential. A man can be with one woman, yet think about another and still act naturally. If he couldn’t compartmentalise he’d lose all focus with the woman who he’s with. That’s why men can juggle multiple women so easily, with no conscience, remorse, or guilt.

Claudine

The vagina has been the subject of so many discussions throughout history. It has been deemed mysterious, secretive, provocative, dangerous, intriguing, and alluring. So much so that young boys have been known to fall under its spell, never to recover, even when they grow up into manhood.

It has been the downfall of many great men and has also elevated many humble women to greatness.

“How she reach so far in life?”

“Ah, she has a vagina.”

Some people may not like to hear that, but it’s the plain truth. No wonder prostitution is the world’s greatest profession, because women know that men will pay premium price for the pleasure of punany, and also why many women with nothing else can control powerful men.

But even though it has so much allure, lure, and lore, most men do not like it when the one that they’re involved with has a colourful turbulent history. Just recently I heard this lady ask, “Why do men think that they own a woman’s vagina?” Hmm, food for thought. Yes, as soon as a man gets involved with a woman, he thinks that her vagina belongs to him.

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law, I possess it, and I am the law,” is the mantra of some men. So because they think that they own it, naturally they want to know that it’s kept properly, in pristine condition, just like a new car.

No man wants a car that has too much mileage on it, so similarly, the vagina that he “owns” should not have any history either. He doesn’t want to know that “his vagina” has travelled roads trod often by other men, but as the Star Trek line says, “…go where no man has gone before.”

His vagina must have no history, and that’s why many women are like used car salesmen who lie about the mileage on the cars in the lot.

“This one was hardly driven, and only on Sundays by an old lady to church.”

That salesman also has the privilege of reversing the odometer so that it shows less mileage than it really has accrued.

Not so with the vagina, therefore, women have to find innovative ways to alter history. One way is to simply lie about it.

“I only had one boyfriend before you, and we only had sex two times.”

No man wants to know that his woman’s vagina had more wear and tear on it than the tyres of a minibus that plies the Kingston to Negril route. Some women use other means, such as potions and concoctions, to bring back the firmness and newness of the vagina. I have seen and heard so many women on those call-in medical shows asking doctors how to regain the newness of the vagina.

Do not, for one minute, think that it’s only tummy tucks, booty boosters, hip enhancers, and breast augmentations that women go for. I kid you not, and the extent to which some women will go is mind-boggling. I have heard of Alum being used as a shrinking agent for you know where and actual surgical procedures to make the old appear new again and alter the history.

The vagina is extremely important in relationships as chronicled by these writers.

“Most men would no longer enjoy conversation with most women if they stopped bringing their vagina along.” — Mokokuma Mokhonuana.

“I bet you’re worried, I was worried, I was worried about what we think about vaginas, and even more worried that we didn’t think about them.” — Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues.

“No woman wants to feel that she belongs to a marginalised section of the society. She doesn’t want to be the second sex in existence after men. She doesn’t want to be treated as an object. No woman wants her breast or vagina to be her identity.” — Deeksha Sonia.

“She loves he, he loved her vagina.” — unkown blogger.

That’s why men desire it so and will fight for it, kill for it, and will even die for it. But despite all this, do women really like having it, despite its allure and appeal? Is it too much of a burden to bear? Some women suggest that, and there have been many theories about women wishing that they didn’t posses a vagina — penis envy.

Penis envy (German, penisheid) is a state theorised by Sigmund Freud regarding female psychosexual development in which young girls experience anxiety upon realising that they do not have a penis.

This may even go further, whereby many women would actually prefer to be men. We’ve seen this manifest itself more frequently nowadays as women assume the roles of men in these cross-gender transformations.

I wonder what Freud would have said if he was alive today?

“See, I told you so, women would prefer to have a penis rather than a vagina. Penis envy is real.”

Personally, I have to wonder. I believe that many women want what the penis offers — of being a man and getting to do what men do. But to actually possess a penis, I don’t think so, but I could be wrong.

After all, when you compare the two — the penis and the vagina — the penis doesn’t stand a chance, given the history of the vagina. Look how it has created civilisations, brought great men to their knees, created wealth, made men love women, put children through school, started wars, defused conflicts.

Now, what power on Earth can match that? The trick is to use it wisely, judiciously, and not reveal too much of its history. It was US President Theodore Roosevelt who said, “Walk softly and carry a big stick.” But it was a smart woman who said, “Tread quietly and reveal no history.”

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: The schoolboy football season was a good one, with many schools showing great promise. Of note is young Dujuan “Whisper” Richards of Kingston College, who has proven to be in a class by himself, scoring the most goals all season. What bothers me, though, is the huge influx of foreign imports on some teams. I don’t mind two or three foreign players but one Corporate Area school has an overabundance. In the Manning Cup final between Jamaica College (JC) and St Andrew Technical High School I was shocked to hear that JC had players from St Kitts, Grenada, Trinidad and Tobago, St Lucia, and perhaps other islands. Truly a Caribbean international all-star team. It’s not right or fair to the younger Jamaican players who can’t move up to the Manning Cup team.