CONVERSATIONS about sexual gratification are gradually becoming commonplace among consenting adults, but for some it’s still a taboo issue that is held close to the chest and oftentimes never addressed.

For many men and women sex is a staple in their unions, but the satisfaction of reaching an orgasm is never had.

During a round-table interview with Your Health Your Wealth, Sade Buckeridge, owner and operator of Fetish Secretz, pointed out that sexual dysfunction is very common among her customers and many adults were not exposed to sexual education in school. Consequently, basic information, as well as sexual communication between them and their partners is lacking.

Buckeridge said that, combined with stigma and judgement based on social circles can cause individuals to not function to their fullest sexual potential.

“Sex is so much more than penetration and whether you have a big penis or a a tight vagina. We don’t know how to communicate sexually with our partners and we don’t have enough candid communication with ourselves and our partners. People need to be open about what they want, what they like, what they don’t like,” she said.

And so, apart from Buckeridge’s vast collection of toys, stimulants, games, and other adult novelty items, she is big on sexual education and offers those classes to the public and her customers so they can understand their bodies and use the products to aid sexual function.

“I’ve met women in class that have been in relationships for five, 10, 15 years having sex with their partner and have never had an orgasm. You’re not being true to yourself, your relationship, or your partner if you’re not saying, ‘Listen, can we try this?’ in a way that’s comfortable for you. Find spaces you can learn, read books, do research. I wouldn’t advise porn as that doesn’t teach you anything about sex in the real world.

“There are many sexual zones and erogenous spots in our body that people don’t know. The classes teach clients what’s happening in their body, around them in their space, and how to navigate it. Self pleasure or masturbation is a good thing, so I encourage people to do it, to learn about themselves so they can tell their partner how to please them and have better satisfaction as our sexual health and wellness is important for our overall health and well-being and should not be stigmatised,” Buckeridge said.

The classes address several issues relating to sexual function in both men and women and range from teaching couples about squirting and utilising appropriate toys to teaching menopausal women and new mothers how to continue enjoying sex.

“Once you go through menopause or reach a certain age you don’t lubricate as much. I’ll offer certain lubricants they can use. After childbearing some women want to tighten their pelvic muscles, so we have kegel classes where we teach you how to use the Ben Wa balls or kegels,” she said. “We also have dilators for some women who are just naturally tight. A lot of people think a tight vagina makes sex more pleasurable and that’s not always the case.”

Buckeridge also has class for women with diabetes who may have lost sensation in the clitoris. She advises such clients on certain clitoral stimulators they can use to experience what she terms “euphoric orgasms”.

For men experiencing impotence or erectile dysfunction, Buckeridge assists with items such as a penis pump or stimulants, but was quick to add that a referral from a medical doctor must be presented before she sells any stimulant.

Obstetrician-gynaecologist (ob-gyn) Dr Daryl Daley also mentioned that the penis pump and the P Shot can help erectile dysfunction. He added that dildos can help increase pelvic floor tone and strength if supervised physiotherapy is done before and the patient knows how to do the exercises properly.

Another ob-gyn, Dr Ryan Halsall, said sex toys can help women explore more, find out more, and be come comfortable with their bodies, which, in turn, helps them to relax and enjoy sex more.

Further, ob-gyn Dr Jordan Hardie said some women with orgasmic dysfunction can benefit from sexual aid/toys.

“Increased arousal can improve vaginal lubrication if there are no disorders, such as vaginal infection or hormonal disorders, present,” Dr Hardie said.

Buckeridge also offers solace to men who believe women use toys to replace them, and a safe space/group-sharing class where women and men are able to speak freely about their insecurities, their fetishes, and even motherhood and how to prioritise their sex life.

“Women don’t get addicted to sex toys as they only use it when they need a quick release and not for emotional connections, therefore it can’t replace you,” she said. “Whatever your needs are we have classes to help – arousal dysfunction, desire dysfunction, orgasmic dysfunction – we can help. We are big on sexual education and helping people with their sexual health. Our mantra is privacy at all times…people started to trust me, trust the brand. A lot of men put away their pride and come and talk about their insecurities and issues with body positivity,” she said.

Moreover, safe sex is also a big priority for Buckeridge, and she works in tandem with several sexual health agencies to further advocacy in this regard.

“We teach people how to clean sex toys as well. Sometimes we have people with multiple partners who want to share the same toy with all. I like to maintain a healthy sex life, and sexual health and wellness is a big thing for me. So I want everyone to have fun, but be healthy and safe having fun,” she said.

On that note, Buckeridge, through her store, will be hosting a Sip & Paint event today where couples can shop pleasure products at discounted prices, enjoy wine, and paint an exotic but sophisticated image.

“Get to visit the bondage room, learn more about sexuality. We want everyone to have a good sexual health and wellness and to improve female body positivity, so a lot of sex education will take place. You and your partner will get to paint an exotic image. When it comes in to sex people think the worse things. I don’t want to give them that so it will be sophisticated. I want to give them a momen,t and once you paint, you go home with your canvass,” she said.

On Valentine’s Day, Buckeridge will host a Sip & Shop event where customers can choose from the variety of novelty items available.

“A lot of times we hear about sex toys and everybody just thinks about a vibrator, but you have to think about the foreplay and role play aspect of it. Think about the lingerie for both men and women, think about the novelty items, think about the bubble bath, the rose petals – the softer side of things,” she said.

To learn more about Buckeridge’s offerings or to register for both events, individuals may visit her store at Suite 12, 9-11 Phoenix Avenue. You can also follow her on Instagram @fetishsecretz_llc or visit her website: fetishsecretz.com.