We begin our Investing in Love February series this week with a look at how compatible you and your partner are, moneywise.

With Valentine’s in the air, mixed in perhaps with feelings of malaise spawned by the ever-present pandemic, it might be hard for you to have any kind of perspective about the real state of your relationship. But, before you rush headlong into a permanent situation with a significant other because you’re tired of being alone in your apartment with a cat and a single packet of ketchup in the fridge, remember something. In much the same way that loneliness can precipitate misery, so, too, can getting involved with the wrong person. Wrong, meaning incompatible. And if you’re thinking about marriage, one of the areas of compatibility you should examine closely is money. After all, money conflicts are usually cited in the top reasons for divorce.

Before you make any decisions about giving the person in your life permanent status, read the financial compatibility indicator below and see if there are any warning signs that you both are not on common financial ground and whether you can talk about them openly and honestly and, importantly, resolve them while you are still dating.

Does your partner lie about money?

Even if they don’t outright lie, are they deliberately vague whenever you want to discuss money issues? Or do they flat-out refuse to talk about it? Money will play a significant role in your life together. Your finances are one of the pillars upon which your entire family life, your lifestyle, will be built, how your children will be educated, and so on. So, maybe they weren’t raised to discuss money openly, but is his or her parents’ relationship one you want to model yours off? Also, this has repercussions for the trust one party has for the other. If one partner obfuscates in this area, it can have the effect of the other party reciprocating. OK, you hide yours, then I’ll hide mine. Are they secretly supporting another family? Underprivileged relatives? Did you discover a secret bank account? This is how trust, a key ingredient for a healthy family unit, breaks down. Think about it: if they lie about money, what else will they lie about?

Is your partner constantly broke?

Don’t get me wrong: Life happens. Things sometimes don’t go according to plan and you can suffer a financial loss from which it’s difficult to get back on your feet again. This isn’t what we’re talking about here. The accumulation of assets is exactly for such a situation. Life knocks you down, then sell an investment piece of jewellery. If, after years of working, your significant other persistently does not have a single asset to their name — not one — then check it out. If it’s the woman, this could be a sign that saving isn’t a priority for her. Or she’s in a dead-end job that she has no interest in leaving. The same goes for if she can’t keep a job, frequently borrowing from you or expecting you to cover her bills. Frankly, it could be that she sees you as the one to shoulder the brunt of the financial burden: In other words, she’s a freeloader who isn’t invested in your values of building wealth.

Does your partner dictate financial behaviour?

If your partner is the one who always makes the decisions about how money is spent, you might be dating a manipulator. Do they always, always, insist on paying the bill when you go out on dates? If it’s the man and his excuse is that he’s old-fashioned, think about what this outdated way of thinking means in terms of what he sees as your long-term role in the relationship. If you are never allowed to treat him, what are the implications about not only how he regards your ability to be an equal partner who can contribute to building the relationship, but also what it says about his savings philosophy? Does he always have to throw money around to impress you? Flashy gifts and an expensive lifestyle are his calling cards? Or, conversely, does he invest recklessly and then just as recklessly blow the dividends on flights of fancy rather than reinvesting? He doesn’t have a healthy relationship with money, which likely means you’re in for a bumpy road ahead.

The bottom line

When you’re in the throes of erotic love, it can be easy to miss the red flags that your divergent money philosophies can throw up. Remember, these red flags can be found in both men and women. Don’t get confused by the haze of sentiment that the Valentine’s season often brings on. Keep your eyes open despite the red hearts, chocolates and candy when planning to build a future with someone, to be assured that you both enter a compatible union that is not only love-filled but also financially focused.