O that a lady

Of one man refused,

Should of another

Therefore be abused.

— Shakespeare

ONE man dropped her like a hot potato, kicked her to the kerb, and another man picked her up, but abused her. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. The physical abuse of women is more than the talk of the town nowadays. In fact, it has taken on pandemic proportions. But is this a new phenomenon, or have men been beating women for centuries but it’s now coming to the fore because the women are speaking up?

What is universally true is that it’s a weak man who beats a woman, and even Shakespeare said, “Women may fall when there’s no strength in men.” Very often you’ll hear a woman who’s beaten say, “Is me one you have strength for eh? Why you don’t guh fight a man?” That’s because he won’t, he can’t, he shan’t.

Men who beat women are essentially cowards, and it’s an irrefutable fact that bullies are cowards who only pick on the weak. Stand up to a bully and see how quickly he backs off. That’s because he doesn’t want a fight he cannot fight, but instead takes pleasure in intimidating others who can’t fight back.

Now, we have established that men beat women and have chronicled the sad saga of domestic abuse. But many justify it. That’s our beat today, right after these responses to my take on ‘First impressions’.

Hi Tony,

I wonder if on a first date where the woman is telling the man that her bills are coming due can be a good thing for the man? She is upfront with her intentions and the man is lucky that she didn’t pretend otherwise to impress him with a good show of a first and deceitful impression, only to discover her true selfish intentions after the relationship starts to cement. For me, the best first impression is the true and honest impression.

Carl

Hey Tony,

There was a time when first impressions were accurate barometers, a gauge by which someone could be assessed. Not any more, for just like this fake world that we live in, first impressions nowadays are also fake. Just use those dating sites for example and you’ll see the lies that people put forth about themselves, pretending to be what they are not. They spout this false first impression to lure the unsuspecting victim, but in most cases the truth emerges and they are found out. That fake first impression cannot stand the test of time.

Colleen

Now, it’s a fact that men beat women and the experts have done all the research, explored all the parameters, tabulated the data and showered us with the sad tales of domestic abuse. We are not alone, for this scourge is a universal phenomenon. I won’t even get into the ultimate conclusion where men actually kill women, for that’s another story.

Right now I’m focusing on the corporal crime, not the capital one, for beating a woman can be classified as corporal punishment. Clearly it must give the man some degree of pleasure to rain down blows on a woman. He feels good to inflict pain on her, and surely you’ll never hear him say, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.”

So it’s best to go to the source and get it straight from the ass’s mouth, (yes ass, not horse) why they justify their actions. One dark reason is basic insecurity and low self-esteem often initiated from a terrible childhood where the man was beaten constantly by his mother. This builds up a resentment towards women so he lashes out at any female, especially those who are very close to him.

Many men beat because of perhaps a failed manhood. He cannot perform adequately sexually so he takes it out on the woman.

“Is you kill me nature! Ever since yu get fat de bwoy dead.”

So he beats her to compensate for his failed manhood. Compound this with his low self-esteem and he beats her more regularly than a boxer who has scheduled title fights.

“Every week I drop lick pon her to make her know who’s in charge.”

There are some men who view it as a rite of passage: It’s their right, as they write a history of blows with rights and lefts to the woman’s face and body. For some it’s euphoric.

“To tell the truth, after I beat her I feel nice in me spirit and I can sleep good afterwards.”

How can a man beat a woman and then fall asleep after, not to mention make love to her afterwards?

But there’s a twist. Some men say that she actually expects that blows will be administered, and that if they don’t she’ll think that he doesn’t care for her.

“If he didn’t love me he wouldn’t beat me.”

‘Baby, I’m a want you, baby I’m a need you,

You’re the only one I care enough to

Hurt about.’

Words from the song Baby I’m a want you, by Bread. But I’m sure that they didn’t mean that sort of hurt — the physical kind — but more the emotional pain that often goes with relationships. Then comes the retaliatory beating that men also justify.

“She spiteful and backchat too much, so I’m forced to beat her to shut her up.”

Well, he can try to justify all he wants, he is still wrong to lay hands on the woman.

But I will add a caveat. As they say, conditions apply for there are some women who are so infuriating that it takes a very strong man with the patience of Job to not shot her a box to shut her up. I have witnessed how some women deal with their men, and I marvel at the man’s restraint.

“What a man patient and calm. Him mussi tek Valium.”

“Look how she hangle him, look how she cuss him, how she provoke him, how she scream up inna him face, and the man simply just walk away.”

There’s an old saying: “Some woman make even parson cuss!”

That’s why some otherwise cool, calm, unassuming, meek, mild men will just suddenly snap one day, erupt like a dormant volcano.

“Look how parson beat up him wife! What could have caused him to snap like that?”

Apart from the backchatting, nagging woman though, there are some women who are downright provoking and go out of their way to infuriate their men, basically inviting the men to hit them. It’s not just nagging, it’s a deluge, a torrent, an avalanche of verbal assault, usually interlaced with the words: “Lick me, tump me, kick me if yu think you bad, you spineless simpleton.”

At that point, after experiencing the verbal onslaught, the man’s justification was, “I couldn’t take her taunting anymore. I reached my breaking point, so I had to beat her.” What’s weirdly ironic is that very often the beating does not make her shut up or stop, for after a few weeks she’s back to her old inveigling, intolerable, insufferable insolence again, as if she’s inviting a further furious fusillade, flurry of blows.

All this seems weird eh, like it’s out of some fantasy fairy tale, but it’s all true, and truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Some men just see it as the norm to beat women to keep them in line.

“If I don’t clap her regularly she won’t respect me as a man. I have to show her who’s the boss.”

That’s his norm, it’s what he grew up seeing his father do regularly, and you know the old cliché about children living what they learn.

Then there are men who beat their women out of sheer suspicion.

“I know that she always up to something, so I beat her to let her think that I know.”

It was Confucius who said, “Man should beat his wife every week. He won’t know why, but she will.”

Well, I won’t swear that it was Confucius, but it does sound like something that he would have said, or perhaps some other Oriental oracle creating mischief.

Of course, there are some men who beat women as a form of foreplay, a prelude to sex. “To tell the truth, when I beat her I get so aroused that the sex is out of this world.” That may turn on some women, but how long can she endure the batteration?

I have heard the cries of women, I have heard the horror stories and pleas for help. I also heard from men who beat women and I am utterly amazed at how they justify their actions. Isn’t it better to make love to a woman rather than beat her? But, that’s just me.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Boys’ and Girls’ Champs came and went with a blaze of glory, and I was extremely happy to see our young athletes displaying their prowess. What was even more extraordinary was the resilience and fortitude exhibited by the youngsters despite the uncertainty due to the novel coronavirus. Interestingly, out of the many hundreds of athletes and officials who were tested for the virus, only nine proved to be positive. My alma mater, defending champions KC, didn’t win, but JC did well to break their 10-year drought to win. Edwin Allen copped their seventh-straight title on the girls’ side. What really moved me was to see when one of the Clayton twins false started and was disqualified, and her heartbroken sister went on to win the race. Kudos to the organisers, athletes, officials, JAAA and to the Government for giving the green light. Good broadcast job, TVJ.