What type of spouse will you be?
IF asked what would constitute an ideal mate many could easily rattle off answers. But do we have the qualities we would like to see in a partner, qualities that would make a marriage last?
If you are contemplating marriage, what kind of mate will you be? Since you may be planning to enter what is expected to be a lasting arrangement, it is critical that you know yourself first before attempting to know another, as broken marriages break the soul.
Marriage doesn’t change your personality
Many mistake a change in status with a change in personality. Marriage doesn’t do the latter. And there are certain qualities that are red lights for marriage and some are green. Do you find it hard to accept when you have made a mistake? Do you find you are always on the defensive? Do you find yourself to be proud, unforgiving and overly sensitive, a sad person or one who is a stickler for getting everything right? If your answer is I do, you may really not be the ideal candidate to say “I do” on the day. This is because these bad qualities will stick with you after marriage.
Ask someone you trust
Though having two eyes, we can’t fully see ourselves unless we get the help of a rear-view mirror, for example. Similarly, it is not easy to see who we truly are as individuals. In this regard, if you are contemplating marriage, why not ask for frank comments and suggestions from a trusted parent or friend. The aim is to improve on the bad qualities before you take the step to be one with another person.
Work hard to change, where needed
Marriage is hard work, so, too, is working on yourself before marriage.
Being kind, loving, patient, peaceful, mild, joyful, faithful, forgiving, understanding, and able to control oneself as well as compromise, are excellent qualities for marriage. They don’t come overnight and may take years of conscious effort to achieve.
Singleness affords much legroom to work on self for marriage. You can bank on that, because when you do it’s an investment that’s bound to pay off rich dividends in the future, especially if the mate you will have is also working on self.
Different areas of change
While the qualities mentioned above may be standard for people to work on when single, some areas may be gender-specific.
A female, for example, may need to recognise that true and lasting beauty comes more from within than outside, and while not neglecting the latter, may consider paying more attention to inner beauty. Men, on the other hand, may need to work on how they view and treat women, doing so in a kind and respectful way. In fact, they may need to rid themselves of a domineering attitude and ideologies that women are to be objectified. Learning to shoulder responsibilities and being humble are also critical areas for a man.
At the end of the day, check to see if you may need to change yourself before changing your marital status.
Warrick Lattibeaudiere, PhD, a minister of religion for the past 23 years, lectures full-time in the School of Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Technology, Jamaica, where he is also director of the Language, Teaching and Research Centre. E-mail him at wglatts@yahoo.com