2020 Vision
There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which taken at the flood,
Leads on to fortune
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries
On such a full sea are we now afloat
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
— Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act IV, 3
In the voyage of our lives, we are bound in shallows and miseries, on such a full sea we are now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves. That’s quite a mouthful from the Bard in the quote above, but take time to read it carefully and hang on to the words. On the sea of life we must navigate our paths carefully, or get washed away in the currents.
It’s a new year, folks, and with it comes challenges aplenty, some new, others old, many will be recycled. Nevertheless they will pummel us like hail falling from the sky, so either you grab a sturdy umbrella to ward off the onslaught, get out of the deluge, or gather them up and make something useful.
Remember what they say: “If life serves you lemons, make lemonade.” Whatever you do, you’ve got to do something and not just stand there and get pounded by the hard ice that falls from the sky. It can be like hell, but if you’re going through hell, keep on going, you’ll emerge at the other end.
Well, challenges there are, and they’ve got to be dealt with. But to do so needs vision, and what better vision to have but perfect vision, which is 20/20?! So let’s see what that’s all about, right after these responses to ‘Don’t marry nuh old man’.
Hi Tony,
You are right in general, but there are always exceptions to every rule, and for us guys it’s the exception we count on. As we age, guys for the most part would prefer a younger woman to sleep with, and when his manhood no longer salutes, he can have joy in just looking at her and giving her pleasure in other ways. Women, of course, have different agendas in marrying an older man, but some just prefer an older guy over an inexperienced ‘bwoy’.
Father Time
Tony,
I don’t always agree with you, but sad to say your words ring true and I am living the sad experience of being with an old man. I married an older man when I was much younger because he was kind and gentle like my father. Now he’s 85 years old and I am just near 60. He is old, he is old, he is old in every way. I do love him, but as I would love my father. In fact, he could pass for my father. Sadly, he cannot do a thing and I am frustrated. What was I thinking?
Sad wife
They say that hindsight is 20/20. In other words, you can always look back and say what should have been done. “Cho, I should have bought that house when I got that promotion instead of gyal and party out the money.” Foresight is a bit different, for as we navigate the highways and byways of life, we have to make sure that we put our best foot forward and don’t misstep.
But as we venture out into this new year of 2020 — which is a leap year, so ladies, you can be bold in your approach to men — we can use the events of the past to guide us in what we do in the future. Use that 20/20 hindsight and forge a path for the future.
There are many areas of our lives that we can address, areas that may have proved problematic in the past year, and perhaps even before that. Let’s take relationships, which often prove challenging for many people.
What are you looking for — a good man, a good woman, a wealthy man, a beautiful woman? All seem to be the ideal persons that people desire, and yet, they often prove to be elusive. In the past, maybe you weren’t fortunate to land any of those, so it’s perhaps better to settle for a middle ground, be more realistic.
What’s a good man anyway? He’s the guy who does and says all the right things, treats you like a lady, never cheats on you, never abuses you and loves you unconditionally. The last time I checked, the man who came even close to that was crucified after being mercilessly flogged.
So burst that bubble, he doesn’t exist, and even if he does, do you deserve him, are you worthy? Sure, there are good men out there, but they sometimes end up with women who leave much to be desired — Harpies, Harridans from Hell.
So first off all, take a long look at yourself with 20/20 vision and see if you are worthy of such a man, the good man who you seek. The truth is, most people cannot truly see themselves, and that’s why 20/20 vision is so important.
On the male side now, many men want a beautiful woman to be by their side, as it’s always nice to have a pretty woman hanging on their arm. Eye candy, trophy. But if you look closely enough with 20/20 vision, you’ll see that beauty is not enough.
More men have been destroyed by beautiful women than by homely ones, as all that glitters is not gold, and very often the pretty package hides an ugly gift. Many beautiful women are so self-absorbed that they cannot see anything but themselves. It’s all about them, leaving no room for anyone else.
Perhaps it’s best to strike a compromise and seek someone who’s not drop dead gorgeous, but can ‘pass’ and has good attributes that a man can enjoy. It’s said that ugly women make the best lovers, as they’re so grateful to be in a relationship. Plus an ugly woman won’t cheat on you. If she does, yu really salt fi true.
Many women seek a wealthy man, but most never seem to get one. Instead of looking for a rich dude, a sugar daddy, why not find a decent man and together create wealth with him? Sadly, most women nowadays want a ready-made well-off man, but in the days of my parents, women helped men to achieve a secure future and built a life together, growing wealth between them. So many women nowadays want instant gratification, seeing men as they would see the lottery. They come into the relationship with nothing but you-know-what and expect the world from the man.
It was South African comedian Trevor Noah who said, “Remove sex from a relationship and you discover that most women have nothing more to offer. Remove money, and most will not see a reason to be there.”
And cynical as it may sound, it’s the reality that many people are faced with. The bottom line is, men want women to have sex with, and woman want security and to be taken care of.
If you know how many wives have told me, “If I never have sex with him again, I’ll be quite fine.”
“Oh, I just give it to him occasionally to keep him contented.”
While husbands have expressed to me, “Man, I want to have sex all the time.”
“Now that she stopped having sex with me, nothing is left, she’s like my room-mate now.”
So if the woman offers no sex, what’s the point of the relationship? What’s she going to offer — friendship, companionship, good conversation? Think about it, a man meets a woman and is interested in her, but she declares at the outset, “I’m a Christian who does not believe in sex for pleasure.” Do you really think that he’s going to stick around for a second date?
Conversely, if the man cannot provide her with material things, such as a place to live, car to drive, creature comforts, why should she stick around? “I’m a Christian man who doesn’t believe in material things.“
“The man poor like church mouse, him just come to me with him two long hand.”
In both instances, 20/20 vision is critical, for you’ve got to see clearly what you want and not be clouded by emotional cataracts. Are you just offering sex and nothing else, are you just offering material trappings only? If so, you’ll repeat your past mistakes and end up in the same crosses this year. Why not bring something else to the table, why not offer your true self? Women, take your eyes off other women’s men; men, stop trying to win women with money.
It’s often difficult, and life has no guarantees, but the only way that a turtle can move forward is if he sticks his neck out. There are other areas where 20/20 vision will come in handy, but that’s for another time.
Meanwhile, don’t make the same mistakes of last year, or you’ll constantly be in emotional turmoil, lonely, without anybody to call your own.
Don’t let the past errors cloud your vision for the future. Make 2020 be your year to have 20/20 vision.
More time.
seido1yard@gmail.com
Footnote: It’s a brand new year with a week almost gone already. Resolutions often disappear by the end of the month, so instead, set yourself realistic goals, take small steps, not big leaps. Don’t hold grudges, learn to forgive no matter how difficult it may seem. Show more patience, everyone isn’t as bright as you are, be tolerant of others. I wish for you a blessed new year, filled with good health and lots of love. I thank you for indulging me last year and hope that you’ll continue doing so this year. Have a great 2020.