What is man?
What is man
If his chief good and market of his time
Is but to sleep and feed?
— Shakespeare, Hamlet. IV, 4
And true, some men merely spend their lives sleeping and eating, and of course, womanising. At least that’s the perception, and the reality in many situations. But that’s not always the case, and therein lies the problem.
What is man though, what is expected of him, what fears lurk within his soul, what ambitions, what strengths, what weaknesses? A few weeks ago, I wrote about women’s woes, which are many, and naturally the ladies loved it. So I am behooved to address the men this week.
But for every yin there is a yang, for every black there is a white, and for every good there is a bad. Well, I do not know who is more good or bad, but what I do know is that men often get the crappy end of the stick, even as they get shafted in the process. Men are cursed, vilified, pilloried so much, at times with justification, but women always get sympathy. Women are always cursing and criticising men, but rarely do you hear men criticising women.
I saw this cartoon in a magazine where a frustrated husband hanged himself and left a suicide note on his chest. It then showed the wife reading the note and saying to the hanging body, “You misspelled ‘constant criticism’.”
They do say that it’s a man’s world, but is that really true? Maybe in some areas yes, but women get away with so much stuff that men don’t. Women even get away with murder, literally, for women are not executed, at least not in the Western world.
So what is man? We’ll find out right after we see what these readers had to say about my piece on ‘So many women’.
Hi Tony,
You said it well, brother. It’s every man’s dream to bed as many women as he can in his lifetime. Any man who says that’s not true is not being honest. Naturally, every man can’t fulfil this dream, but even when they settle down with one woman, they still harbour dreams and fantasies of other women. That’s why men will always look in admiration at other women. It’s a harmless way of fulfilling these fantasies. A mature man does not act on those though, but sticks to his woman.
Michael
Hey Tony,
The report of Hugh Hefner’s passing and your article brought back memories of my experience with Playboy magazines, which were tastefully done and left around the house on coffee tables in the living room. It changed a generation’s outlook on sex and was not something of which to be ashamed. The women featured were works of art and I even had centrefolds taped on the walls of my bedroom as a teenager. Those were progressive times and it seems we have regressed when it comes to displaying nudity and sex in general.
Dennis
Last weekend I went to visit a friend of mine who had suffered a series of strokes a few months ago. He used to be a giant of a man, not very tall, but heavy-set and powerfully built. He was a single father who was devoted to his children and worked hard to support them. Even after his first bout, he still tried to work, but it was difficult. Nevertheless, his spirit was still positive.
Prior to this recent visit I saw him about two months ago, but this last encounter was a shocker to me. The man who used to tip the scales at over 250 pounds had wasted away to skin and bones. I could not believe how emaciated he had become.
When he saw me he started to cry, and I had to do everything to hold back my tears and be strong for him. However, when I eventually left I let loose in my car. So moved I was by his situation. I thought again, what is man?
And yet, so much is expected of men who are so often misunderstood,. Whenever people ask me how I am, I always reply, “Maligned and misunderstood, but big as life and twice as beautiful.”
But men are often the unsung heroes of all of God’s creations. Sure there are some bad eggs, rotten tomatoes, spoilt fruits in the mix, but there are many good ones in the crop too. Someone sent me some information regarding the worth of men that often goes undocumented and unheralded, which made me think.
Some men make sacrifices just to put a smile on their parents’ face, and it’s almost a cliché that the first thing that many men do after they achieve financial success is buy a house for their momma.
When it comes to his lady, a man will spend all that he has, making sacrifices without saying a word, just to keep the woman he loves smiling. There are men who sacrifice their entire youth for their wives and children, by working round the clock, sometimes at different jobs, without any complaint.
I never heard my late father complain even once about anything, yet I’m sure he had his challenges, but we never knew. Whenever he was asked, “MG, how things?” His response was always positive, “Great man, life is good.”
Men bear a lot without singing the blues or whining about every little thing, and this song, “Nobody knows the troubles I feel, nobody knows my sorrow,” could apply to many stoic men. And guess who’s always on his case… his mother when he was younger… then his wife and boss when he gets older. The pressure never stops. His life involves compromising for the happiness of others. “I better keep my mouth shut for a peaceful life.”
But guess what, men are often damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If he goes out a lot, he’s careless and loves the street too much. “Is how you love run road so much? Keep quiet and stay home sometimes nuh.” But if he stays home too much, he’s a lazy couch potato. I have a friend of mine whose wife gets on his case if he even relaxes for a few minutes on the couch. “Go and find something to do around the house,” is her battle cry.
Some men just cannot win. If he listens to his mom too much, he’s dubbed a momma’s boy. Well, I won’t argue with that one, for some men won’t let go of the apron strings or the navel string either, as mother runs his life. And if he listens to his wife too much, he is her slave.
Pop quiz, are men slaves of their wives, unwittingly, unknowingly? Nothing is wrong with listening to your wife, for two heads are better than one, but even so you have to be careful, for the balance of power can shift over time. After a while she’ll be doing all the talking and you all the listening.
One ship cannot have two captains, lest the vessel falls into confusion and drifts across the ocean aimlessly. Still, you have to let her know that you respect her opinions and views without being condescending.
Even playtime can be confusing for men. Now, some men are naturally affectionate and playful, but if he displays too much of those traits he’s taken for a joker who never matures. “How you love ramp so much, you can’t grow up?”
So he decides to suppress this natural side of him and stays serious. Now he’s considered a stern, stiff, humourless man who is cold and insensitive. As for sensitivity, a man better not show too much of that, or he’ll be considered weak and snivelling. And remember, it’s anathema for a man to be weak. So hold back the tears, show no sensitivity, man up and beat your chest.
“How that man deh so sensitive and soft, look how him a cry cry!” Yes, men do have a difficult time, but it’s their lot. History is unkind to sensitive men, but very kind to seemingly strong men. Was it Stalin who asked, “Is it better to be loved or feared?” Men just have to go with the flow, take the punch on the chin, ride with it and do not flinch.
More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: I read that Kingston College (KC) and XLCR, were deemed the top schools for sports islandwide. KC is known for its sporting prowess over the years, but also for excelling in academics. So has XLCR which has produced giants in both fields in our country. The balance between sports and academics is very important, and both schools have managed this well. KC excels in multiple sports, ranging from track and field, football, cricket, table tennis, hockey, basketball, chess, swimming.
Sports is so important to a child’s life, and it’s because of KCs great and enviable sporting achievement why the school spirit is so high. Having the most wins in ‘Champs’ and Schools’ Challenge impacts positively on young boys’ lives. KC won three titles in football last year, and had excellent passes in CSEC, CXC and CAPE. Congrats to KC and XLCR for emerging top schools.