If circumstances lead me, I will find

Where truth is hid,

Though it were hid indeed

Within the centre.

– Shakespeare,Hamlet II, 2

So much has been said and written about sex by therapists, the rapists, doctors, poets, and laymen. Even by priests, who never indulged but deem themselves experts. It’s like learning to swim by reading a book. No wonder so many myths still exist, and I wonder if this will ever change.

Still, it’s among my favourite pastimes, and every chance I get I dive headlong into research about this subject. Even with all the information that’s available nowadays, there are still many people who continue to cling to the myths that abound.

This is so apparent when you read the advice columns or listen to the sex programmes that deal with this ticklish subject.

What will it take to educate people and dispel these myths and fairy tales about sex? And, do they really want to be told the real truth or prefer to be comfortable in the safety of these myths and half-truths?

We’ll jump in head first into this tasty— prudes would say, tasteless subject — right after these responses to ‘Happy anniversary’.

Hi Tony,

It was so heart-warming to read your article about anniversaries and how people celebrate them in their own special way. What was even more moving was when you mentioned your friends’ anniversary and how it reminded you of your parents. It’s so refreshing to see couples experiencing happy, meaningful marriages nowadays, in spite of how the world has changed. I am married for 35 years now to a wonderful man. And yes, he’s also my best friend.

Donna

Hey Tony,

Regarding your footnote, I agree wholeheartedly with you about not making Usain Bolt a national hero. A hero is described as a person, who in the face of danger, combats adversity through impressive feats of ingenuity, bravery, strength, often sacrificing his or her personal concerns. Bolt may be the greatest sprinter of all time (up to now), but he doesn’t fit the description of national hero. As for Bob Marley, he certainly promoted Jamaica and reggae music on the world stage and was a musical icon. I would consider him more a folk hero than a national hero.

Marcus

There is this TV series called Masters of Sex that chronicles the work of sex therapist pioneers Masters and Johnson. It shows how difficult a time they had debunking the sexual myths of the day.

They had such an uphill task doing so, as people were fixed in their ways about sex, and especially back in the 60s, sex was never ever spoken about or shown in mainstream media. Here we are in 2016 and sex myths still swirl around, and no matter how the authorities try to educate people, the ignorance still pervades. “The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance be thine,” said Shakespeare.

One big myth is that bigger is better. This fallacy has plagued men for centuries, leading them to try all sorts of enlargement methods to make their manhood…well, be a bigger manhood. It has also led some men to depression and even suicide as they felt inadequate.

The research says that this is not true and, in fact, more women complain about their men being too large than being too small. “I just can’t manage that huge invasion on a nightly basis.” Between you and me, I can live with the large complaint rather than the small one. After all, reputation is important in life.

Still, even when faced with overwhelming scientific research, many men still feel inadequate and would rather be bigger. But then again, maybe this research was done merely to appease men who weren’t up to the equine proportions that they wished they were. What would you rather have, a cigarette or a cigar?

Another myth is that men prefer sex more than women. So many men subscribe to this myth, mostly husbands. Maybe she’s just tired of having sex with the husband. The fact is, women enjoy sex as much as men do, but are often constrained by society and bound by hypocritical morality.

If a man expresses that he loves sex and wants it all the time, he is heralded as a hero, slapped on the back and called a stud. “Gwaan Dougie, the village ram, nuff gyal inna bungle.” But if a woman dares to say this or is discovered to have a healthy sexual appetite, she’s vilified, ridiculed, scorned and despised. “Slut! How she want it so often; she have white liver?”

Another sex myth is that doing it standing up will ensure that the woman doesn’t get pregnant. The silly theory is that sperm would find it difficult to swim upward and therefore wouldn’t be able to fertilise the egg. Listen, salmon swim miles upstream against raging currents to spawn, so sperm have no trouble traversing a few inches of fallopian tubes. Sperms are gravity-defying.

The same is also said about having sex in the sea, as salt water is thought to kill sperm. Well, yu salt if yu believe that, as it’s not true. Where do you think whales and dolphins procreate?

Then there’s the myth about early withdrawal, or coitus interruptus as the therapists call it. The only time coitus interruptus prevented pregnancy is if the girl’s father came home early, barged in and stopped you before you got to start.

Just like in banks, there are penalties for early withdrawal, and that penalty is usually an unwanted pregnancy. You can pull out faster than a drag racing car, but you still won’t be fast enough, as many surprised parents have found out.

Even up to this day there is the sex myth that says that sex with a virgin is a cure for sexually transmitted diseases. What absolute asinine rubbish, yet, still believed by many men, educated and not so educated.

The myth of endurance still exists, and the various concoctions are there to prolong the ephemeral erections of men. No woman wants a 100 metre sprinter who finishes in 10 seconds. But no woman wants a marathon man either. “It’s been almost two hours now, yu can stop now.” Just like in banking and economics, there are diminishing returns. It’s not how long you make it, but how you make is long, is the old adage.

Of course, the myth of alcohol increasing sexual pleasure is just that, a myth. No woman wants a drunken, besotted, reeking of rum, drooling man trying to romance her. It was Shakespeare’s Macbeth who said about alcohol, “It increases the desire, but diminishes the performance.”

Having threesomes or foursomes to spice up marriages is also a myth that often has devastating consequences. In many instances, one person falls heavily for another, which leads to huge problems down the road. It may start out exciting at first, but as time goes by, emotions get confused and the crosses crash.

Also, sex cannot hold or bind someone. This is a myth that both men and women believe. So many women think that even if they do nothing else, if they have frequent sex with the man he’ll never leave. Men think so too, thinking that even if he treats the woman badly, if he ‘services her regularly’, she’ll never leave him.

This myth has been dispelled all the time, leaving many people befuddled and bewildered. “I never thought that he could leave me after all the sex I gave him.” In contrast, maybe that’s why some women don’t give it up too frequently, saying, “You can’t give them too often, or he’ll get tired of you. You gotta keep them wanting.”

Then what about the myth that old people don’t enjoy sex? Not true. So even though the thought of your parents or grandparents enjoying wild times may be repugnant to you, give them a break, as they still enjoy that activity. Just try not to see it, or the image will never leave you — I’m told. “Grandpa, Grandma, OMG!”

And is sex addiction a myth or fantasy? Can there be too much of a good thing? When you read the advice columns you’ll see what I’m talking about, as the myths don’t ever seem to go away.

Is this because there are those who are against the teaching of sex education in schools? Let’s dispel the myths. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote:

I must touch on the subject of football, a sport that most Jamaicans hold so dear. And yet we continue to be frustrated and let down by the non-performance of the senior Reggae Boyz team. In fact, we seem to be reversing. Gone are the days when we were undefeated over 50 consecutive times at the stadium, aptly called then, The Office. Now we lose with embarrassing regularity to all and sundry. There is no structure, no will, no passion, and we barely scored only two goals in six qualifying matches. A terrible record. We are a country of gifted athletes, but we need direction when it comes to our football. We cannot keep on doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result. Thank God for our track and field athletes who give us so much pride and joy.