It’s a miserable time. I pay exorbitant fees to a man who ticks boxes on a form as an engineer’s report (ER) on my car. Is it a devious move by the tax man? No! Last year it cost me over $3,000, but I held my peace. It’s now some $6,000, so I am angry; a heat wave is on, my dog Dawande died, mate Dawanya is sad, and I work in steamy conditions; maybe I am losing it, but with my plants quailing, fruits falling force-ripe like my niece, my shower hot, I am prickly as to pay a fee which is 150 per cent higher than 2013 for a grown man to walk round my car, turn lights on off, open the bonnet, and kick the tyres is outrageous. With tax I get a notice and can appeal, but with these privateers no notice and no choice as I can’t get insurance at this firm without this ER. I may switch insurers.

No one complains, so am I the only one to be ripped-off? A motorist is the easy person to soak; Cabinet does it and firms follow. Why does my car, insured every year, need an ER every year? If a car is out of the system for years, has an accident, or a second-hand vehicle enters from abroad, fine; but why one which pays out year after year? We pay for a driver’s permit, a roadworthy test, an emblem on my windshield to ward-off duppy, thirsty traffic cops and insurance. Does this mock exam procedure replace the Traffic Authority’s? Why not create a “pink copy” of the official checklist and use this rather than this unconscionable inconvenient process? This is unacceptable!

Peeps tell me this ER is not in the JCF/ITA orders and not law. The link of the firms who do this ER to some insurers should be investigated pronto! Peeps say it is a multimillion-dollar, white-collar rip-off. The Blue Book or Black Book from the UK or America who make cars have values of every make and model in good, normal or poor state free of cost. I am disgusted at the ad hoc fees firms which enable a legal process can invoke by stealth. Let’s name and shame them! An ER may be justified, but not always, and some firms do not need it, so check and choose your insurer wisely.

What is a genuine ER? This is done by qualified people on material, equipment, rolling stock. They determine condition, cause of breakdown, expert witness in a dispute, change of owner, or disaster may trigger one. To buy a house then discover a structural problem or mould, asbestos, rising damp means you should have had an ER from professionals with liability cover. The ER on a car is a useless haircut for motorists. The ER is also used at a macro level and that, by American Society of Civil Engineers (ASCE), is a good scorecard on the state of infrastructure. Can Dr Vin Lawrence get our engineers to do one here by parish? Most American infrastructure is rated “D”, not good; how might ours rate? Let’s try it. Some cars may need an ER but not routinely. If a vehicle clocks 150,000 miles in the year on our pot-holed roads, maybe. Otherwise, let’s protest, avoid insurers who insist with no cause; name and shame them!

Years ago, I wrote about excess bank charges, MP Fitz Jackson bruited it in the House two years ago with no good outcome. In the UK, I can have unconscionable bank charges, perquisites, cards you did not ask for and mis-sold insurance products refunded by filling a form in any shopping mall or moneyhotline.co.uk, why not here? Barclay’s, RBS, Citigroup JP Morgan were just fined £4 billion for fixing FX and currency rates by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA). Firms are not angels. We still pussyfoot and Parliament sets up wasteful inquiries while a financial ombudsman or FCA could sort it all. We are vulnerable to scams, as a few dollars added to a bill or removed from a bank account are imperceptible but yield millions to robber firms, so financial illiterates like us need protection.

Are officials aware of this ER cess? I checked the tax office and the guard said it wasn’t him; he did not think it was anyone in the round ice cream cone building. But he said “some biz’nis worse dan govament”. I asked if he had any leaks to pass on, but he had to check visitors and did not like prison. Rats! I will not be the next star of WikiLeaks. In the absence of an ombudsman or FCA, can the Consumer Affairs Commission get us the cash we paid for ERs in the past five years? Even illiterate motorists can fight back.

A slice of gay cake

The Equalities Commission of Northern Ireland brought a case and the Belfast court found a Christian-owned Irish family bakery which refused to ice a cake with Bert, Ernie and a pro-gay marriage slogan by Queerspace, guilty of discrimination. This is the only country in the UK where gay marriage is not legal and, like Jamaica, it has one foot in the 21st century and one back in Leviticus.

We here need a proactive Equalities Commission to curb discrimination, even name-calling “blackie, coolie, white gal, chynie nyam dog” which we do with impunity. A Jamaican will chase a gay man out of his shop, bar, restaurant, and abuse him. One judge ran my client out of court as he had no jacket on. He could not afford to sue, but an Equalities Commission would have acted for him.

This cake matter is political as gay people do not usually go out of the way the show up passive Christians. But, like here, the fight for a gay state is live in Northern Ireland. The baker was guilty not for what he did, but the why. People ask for all sorts of nonsense on a cake — even phallic images and ‘out-there’ messages for a bachelor party — and it is granted. He knew the men were gay and acted on this, not on the transaction before him.

Did you know Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are gay icons? In my day they were brothers and pals, but like the word gay it is captured by the gay state. Our group The Gaylads would catch hell now.

People in business should not discriminate on their personal belief. I may not drink alcohol, but I cannot refuse to serve those who do. I may be Sharia, but cannot refuse to sell a lady because she is not wearing a headscarf. Jew, Christian, Satanist, Muslim, Obeah man in my shop; all equal under our law. God will choose. Stay conscious, my friend.

Dr Franklin Johnston is a strategist, project manager and advises the minister of education. Send comments to: franklinjohnstontoo@gmail.com