Get thee a good husband,

And use him as he uses thee.

Shakespeare’s,

All’s Well that Ends Well, I, 1

THAT statement is often misinterpreted either on purpose or by sheer ignorance. I’m sure you’ve heard women say, “I’d love to get me a good husband”. Usually, my response to them is, “Really, whose?” What some of them meant was that they’d like to get a good man who would eventually become their husband, but for others, they really would like to get their hands, and any other body part, on some other woman’s husband. As for that part about using him as he uses thee, men use women for their looks and sex, while women use men for the money and security – so it is said.

For some reason, married men are in demand, and many women have no qualms about getting one for themselves. But can you really blame them? Married men seem to be appealing, not only to women, but to other sectors of society.

Can you believe my surprise when I saw an ad in the Sunday papers that stipulated that only married men should apply for a certain job? I wonder if the single-men lobby group staged a protest against that ad? And I wonder if an admittedly gay man who’s same-sex-married would be considered for employment?

So many questions, so many answers. All shall be revealed right after these responses to Manopause.

Hi Tony,

The difference between male menopause, also called andropause, in parts of Europe, and female menopause, is that the woman can no longer bear children, while the man can still produce. Also, as we age, we should continue to exercise to keep fit and strengthen the bones and muscles. This also applies to the sex organs. Women need to flex those muscles down there, while men need to flex those muscles up there. Use it or lose it.

Dick

Hey Teerob,

My husband is not only going through manopause, he’s not only paused, but has come to a dead stop, never to start again. Mark you, he’s much older than I am, but the 30-year difference didn’t matter then. It does now. Clearly he had a lusty youth, but all’s well that ends well. He’s a man that has paused forever. Sigh.

Yolanda

Tony,

Regarding your footnote on the buggery law and that guy’s interpretation, you’re kidding right? That guy doesn’t believe that his phone shouldn’t be bugged? Problem is, every youngster was born with a smartphone in his/her hand, and the only thing that’s smart is the phone.

Rhonda

It seems as if married men are really in demand and at the top of the priority list, as evidenced not only by the many women who want them, but also by the ads that have been published seeking men of that ilk. As I mentioned earlier, an ad appeared in the papers for a vacancy for a caretaker. Among the many criteria were: he must be male, between the ages of 30-50 years old, committed Christian, and married. Now what does being married have to do with getting a job as a caretaker? And isn’t that discrimination? I’m sure that if the ad had stipulated that he should be heterosexual, the gay lobbyists would howl in protest. And I’m sure if the ad said that only gay men need apply, it would also create quite a stir. So why the emphasis on married men only?

To take it further about married men in demand, I also saw this letter to the advice column titled, ‘I want a baby for a married man’. As you can see, a married man is a hot commodity not only by women, but by corporate Jamaica too.

What is the lure of the married man, and why is he such a premium catch? Some women simply say, “Just let a man put a ring on his finger and is then I want him”. One reason given is that married men are more stable, are more responsible and do not have commitment phobia.

Many corporate companies love those qualities in a man, and so if he’s married, he’s more likely to get the job over the man who’s single. Of course, many employers will not be as bold as that ad and stipulate that he must be married, but secretly, they will give the nod to the married guy and the single man won’t even know why he was turned down. “Why not, I have all my papers, diplomas and certificates?” “Yes, but you didn’t have the marriage certificate.”

Maybe there’s some feeling that single men are irresponsible, swinging bachelors who are always on the prowl for another conquest, always distracted by the next skirt tail, and generally have very little sense of responsibility. What is also true is that being married helps in politics, as voters tend to trust a man who’s married and has a stable family life, especially with children. Many campaign ads is the USA push this theme. “Vote for John Brown, a fine, respected family man, a pillar of the community, a churchgoer.” Then they show pictures of him with his wife and kids, all smiling.

Can you imagine if USA President Barack Obama was a single man? I don’t think he would have garnered so many votes, especially from the women. The White House just wouldn’t be the same without a First Lady.

Plus being married sort of dispels any rumours about a man’s sexuality. At least it used to. “You sure say him nuh…?” “No man, him is a decent, church-going, married man.” Well, that used to be the case long ago, for my gay resource persons tell me that there are more gay married men than single gay men.

Married men are reliable, as they have wives who depend on them, plus even more importantly, they have children to house, school and feed. When a corporate board interviews candidates for a job, they take those factors into consideration. After all, a man will usually treat his staff the same way he treats his wife and household.

Even the Mafia is purported to have taken this into consideration when they were appointing their underbosses. “A man who can’t control his wife cannot control other men,” said Marlon Brando in the movie, The Godfather. That’s right, a man is judged by the way he treats and handles his wife. If he’s a henpecked, subjugated, downtrodden husband, he will certainly not be a good manager. So it works both ways. Would you like to know that a man vying for the job of prime minister, commissioner of police, CEO of a major company, head parson of your church, was a single, ‘gyallis’ man or a man whose wife beats him all the time? Being married and stable usually tips the odds in their favour.

I have known mistresses who have left their married man lover because he became single, saying, “When he was married it was him, his wife and me. But now that he’s divorced and back on the street, I can’t compete with that.”

And yet, there are women who specialise in married men. They may not put out an ad like that company did, but it certainly is their strategy. These are young, attractive women who want no other man but a married man. Some are not so young and attractive and have very little choice but to live off other women’s men, while others make it their duty to specialise in husbands. The reasons are varied, and not far removed from those of the corporate world. Plus nobody wants a loser, so the thought is, if another woman wanted him enough to marry him, then he must have good qualities. It’s the same as applying for a job when you’re unemployed as opposed to applying when you’re already in a good job. It’s more likely that you’ll get the new job if you’re already working.

So apparently even a shared married man is a better catch than an available single man. “Single men are too much crosses, they hop from bed to bed and you can’t find them when you want them.” “My married man loves his wife and me and I can live with that. I know where he sleeps every night.”

The world has changed. Gone are the days when the single bachelor got all the girls. Now the women, and indeed the corporate world, are saying, Married Men Only. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote

I must comment on the Oscar Pistorius murder trial in South Africa that has me so incensed. This man got up out of his bed where he was sleeping with his girlfriend, walked to the bathroom, pumped four bullets through the bathroom door killing her without even calling out to see where she was. Then he’s cow bawling in court like a baby? Then again, what was a beautiful woman like that doing with him in the first place? If he had no legs and was dirt poor, would she be with him? All the reports say that he loved to fire guns and was an accident waiting to happen. Even an ex-girlfriend said so. It’s a terrible tragedy and I have no sympathy for him. I feel it for that poor girl, and her family. Then that USA football player, Rice, knocks out his fiancee, then she not only marries him the next day, but is defending him. Poor judgement or love? Both can be fatal.