Side chick rules
Chamberlain: It seems the marriage with
His brother’s wife
Has crept too near his conscience.
Lord Say: No, his conscience
Has crept too near another lady.
— Shakespeare, Henry VIII, 11,2
And that other lady is none other than the side chick, the nemesis of the first lady, the wife, or the main squeeze. She comes by many names — mistress, other woman, matey, girl on the side, plus some others that are not fit for airplay. Be offended if you will, but women have been referred to by many names throughout the centuries, some flattering, others not so cute.
So the terms, wench, broad, other half, main squeeze, wifey, chick and many more, all apply to the fairer sex. I didn’t make them up, but merely use them as reference.
The term chick has been used to describe women for eons and it’s usually meant to describe young women, for we very well couldn’t call a 70-year-old woman a chick. To take it further, there is the main chick, or the first lady, and the secondary chick, the woman on the side. She is not the wife, or the main chick, but the side chick, and there are certain rules that she must abide by or the consequences will be dire.
We’ll see just what these are right after these letters responding to ‘Guys do what the girls do’.
Hi Teerob,
Welcome to the new world order, brother; a world where the lines of demarcation are erased, the sexes are conjoined and the gender roles are blurred. Gone are the days when males and females are confined to the rules and roles that were laid down by our forefathers.
Now, women are not only wearing pants, but full suits as well, complete with hat and tie. The men have crossed the threshold, and have taken on the role of feminine gender in many areas. Not only do they dress as women, but they take on their persona. Now it’s hard to differentiate. Yes, are guys doing what the girls do, and still not be a lady?
Janice
Hello Tony,
Regarding your footnote, in North America there is a group of women called soccer moms. These women take their sons or daughters to soccer practice and games and yell at them with instructions while the kids are playing. There are also hockey dads who do the same thing and yell at the coach and referees during games, sometimes to the point of violence. I have no answer to why these otherwise normal parents got that way with their kids and sports, but it appears that it’s not confined to North America.
Peter
Paramus, NJ
USA
There is a Jamaican lady called Wally British who dispenses advice on the Internet and she’s absolutely brilliant in her delivery. Not only that, but she shares the same views as I do, regarding relationships and how to deal with them.
Her latest spiel dealt with the issue of the side chick, who somehow seems to be the bane of all wives, or first ladies. Even so, there are rules of engagement when it comes to dealing with the whole side chick phenomenon. Now, I’m sure that some people will empathise, if not sympathise with the side chick, for after all, you may just be a side chick yourself.
Side chicks always justify their existence and their relevance. But the bottom line is, the side chick must know her place, and the first lady must know what to do to keep the side chick at bay. “Listen, just get this straight, I am the first lady, I have the name… you’re just the side chick.”
One reason that the side chick exists is because the first lady has got too complacent. So many wives fall into this category, as they feel that having married the man, they have him lock, stock, and barrel, and can now relax, let down her guard and act any and any way.
Many things that she used to do, she now stops. But lo and behold, nature abhors a vacuum, and the side chick enters to fill this void, for in the same way a shark can smell a drop of blood from miles away in the ocean, the side chick can sense discord and problems in a relationship.
The man may think that it’s he who sought out the side chick, but that’s far from the truth. Side chicks are as common as fluxy mangoes in the rainy season, and having no man of their own, they seek out the first lady’s man like a heat-seeking missile. Just like the siren that lures sailors to their doom, the side chick sings her sweet songs of seduction, and the man is powerless, falling into her arms, and worse, into her hands.
One piece of advice to the first lady is, don’t let your man leave you in the bed. You should get up before him, and see to it that he has a nice breakfast or at least a little hot tea before he leaves the house.
At this point some women are going to say, “Rubbish, let him fix his own breakfast, I am no household helper.” But I am here to tell you that it’s wives who talk like that who have problems with the side chick. I know quite a few, and I tell them how their men feel, but nothing can convince them to behave otherwise. Yet they cry how their men are wayward.
It’s sage advice, for the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and a hungry man is not only angry inside, but will satisfy this hunger elsewhere, usually at the home of the side chick.
Believe it or not, but there are first ladies who hate to cook, or cannot cook, and I guarantee that where a man eats is where he’s going to linger. The same principle applies to animals, as it’s a basic tenet of nature to go where the food source is. He will find a side chick who cooks, and that’s where he’ll lay his head.
The side chick will come as a friend, seeking advice from the first lady, and giving it too, but the first lady should never entertain this. Run har. It’s a trick to get close and steal the man. This ruse, this ploy, this deception has endured for centuries, as the so-called friend, cum confidante, eventually eases the first lady out of the picture and steals the man away. It’s now a cliché, “My man ran off with my best friend….. boo hoo.” Boo hoo indeed, yu shudda seen it coming.
What is even worse is to have arguments with the side chick. This occurs so often, sometimes in public, where the first lady is seen outa street having a ding dong quarrel with the side chick. How infra dig, how beneath her station, how classless to stoop to that level like a common sketel.
That should never be done, as the first lady has now lowered herself. After all, the side chick is not of the class of the first lady, and should not pass her place. “Look pon de two ooman dem a quarrel inna de street…one is parson wife too…what a disgrace.”
Don’t nag. It’s advice as old as the hills, yet many women still fail to heed it. That’s the surest way to drive a man to a side chick, for side chicks do not nag. There is no ning nang, ying yang, nengy nengy in the man’s ears coming from a side chick’s mouth, but only peace and tranquility.
Most importantly, the first lady has to be creative in the bedroom, for that’s where the side chick lets loose. Not only will she go above and beyond the call of duty, but below as well, and will even invent new stuff in order to wrest the man from the first lady. Sadly, that’s where many first ladies lose their men, for they either stop having sex with him, or just do it as a duty.
There’s this joke about this young man who complained to his elder that his girlfriend wanted sex constantly and he couldn’t cope.
“What should I do?” he asked.
“Simple, just marry her, that’ll put a stop to that,” said the wise man. That’s where the side chick takes up the slack and fills the void.
All this is not new, and neither did I make it up, for even smart ladies say the same thing. The side chick is real, and her name is Legion, for they are many. But it’s up to the first lady to stick to the rules, and keep her away.
More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: When you take away culture, that’s the beginning of the end of civilisation.The arts are so important even though they are often intangible and perhaps cannot buy food or pay the rent, as people like to say. Poetry, drama, literature, art, sculpture, music, museums, all enrich and enhance our lives.
Just last week we attended the opera at Carib Cinema that’s broadcast live from The Metropolitan in the USA and The National Theatre of Britain and watched Shakespeare’s brilliant drama, Othello. It was such a joy to see this masterpiece come to life and done in a contemporary setting, which only shows the relevance of Shakespeare’s writing, even in this modern world. Perhaps Shakespeare’s plays, or the opera may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but try it, even once, and I know you’ll enjoy it. Broaden your horizons.