She’s beautiful

And therefore to be woo’d;

She is woman,

Therefore to be won.

— Shakespeare, 1 Henry, VI,V,3

Men will always go after women, woo them, wine and dine them, and then eventually win them. Or so they think, for the argument is still up in the air regarding who really wins who. Sure, it’s the man who appears to do all the calling, the chasing, the wooing, the spending, but in the end, it’s the woman who gets what and who she wants in the final stretch. My late father always said, “It’s better you fall into a woman’s arms, than into her hands.”

What I find different though, is that women are always talking about a good man, a really good man, a man who is almost perfect in every way. He must be her knight in shining armour, and must also shine at night too, if you catch my drift. Their list of demands is almost impossible to fulfil. But do these women set the same ideals for themselves? If and when they get this great man, will they be great too, to match his standards?

Men, on the other hand, tend to be different, as they don’t go around demanding the perfect woman. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the term, Miss Right, but I’m sure that you’ve all heard the term, Mr Right.

Even so, there must be some standard by which men determine what type of woman they want. She may not be a princess who comes riding in sidesaddle on a white steed, but she had better be good, really good, or he won’t want her as a keeper.

And that’s our quest today, a really good woman.

Hi Teerob,

Enjoyed your article on Asexuals. No sex, never experienced orgasm and wanting to die from the sheer pleasure of it? Unimaginable.

‘Sexual’

Hi Tony,

I don’t believe that it is a choice for an asexual person not to have sex, if there is absolutely no desire for them to do so. There is a part of the brain in those persons that controls emotion and behaviour, and I believe that part of the brain in those persons just do not function the way that it should. It is not something that can be medically corrected. It’s too bad that they may never feel the emotional and physical joy and pleasure from making love.

Trevor

Hey Tony,

So there are people who don’t like or want sex? So what? I don’t see the big deal. There are more important things in life. All that sex does is cause problems between people.

Heather

So many men refer to their spouses as, My Better Half, The Good Woman, The Sweet Woman, My Joy, and other terms of endearment. This is usually after many years of being together, after they have settled down, lived together or got married. Very rarely do you hear men using those terms to describe a woman in a short-term relationship.

He has to make sure what her qualities are before he makes any comment. It’s also rare that you hear men going around saying that they’re looking for a good woman. But clearly they do, but just don’t express it verbally. Instead, men sift through the chaff until they find the woman who they think is the right one.

Now, I’m not blowing my own trumpet, well maybe I am a little bit, but just recently one of my wife’s friends who’s getting married soon looked at me and said, “I wish my husband will be as good a husband as you are to your wife.” Oh boy, what a head-swelling moment. But my immediate response was, “That’s because my better half is a really good woman, so it’s easy to treat her well.”

My point is, if someone is good to you, then more than likely you’ll be good to them too. Naturally there are exceptions, for Lord knows, some people have been good to their spouses but get nothing but hell in return.

So the question is raised, who is this really good woman that men seek deep down? Usually she comes very close to being like the man’s mother.

Top of the list is, she must be considerate and not selfish. I don’t think that being inconsiderate and selfish are classed as sins, but they should be. A person who has those faults can wreak havoc on any relationship. A good woman considers a man’s needs, and is selfless when it comes to dealing with him.

Now, at this point some women are going to jump off their brooms and shriek, “Say what, consider a man’s needs? Hell no. Those days are long gone, Mister. It’s equality time now.” Sadly, there are women who think that by catering to a man, they’re being subservient, servile and slavish.

Far from it, for as long as the man does not take it for granted, and treats her with the same consideration and selflessness, then it’s a-okay. What’s wrong with bringing him a glass of water or mixing his juice? He’ll do it for you too, even without you asking.

Being considerate means seeing to it that the man is comfortable in his mind, as he knows that you got his back. So many women just unload on a man without even asking him how he is. There are women who think that men have no feelings, no sensitivity, and that it’s only they who have problems, or that their problems are more important than the man’s.

“Honey, I had such a terrible day, the car broke down, the boss chew me out, and I might get laid off.”

“Well, I broke a nail and I can’t find my nail stylist….what a disaster for me.”

While it is true that many men may not talk and open up much, a truly considerate and selfless woman will know how to ease the man’s burdens, reassuring him, encouraging him, soothing him, without making him feel foolish or vulnerable.

In the same way that women love little surprises like flowers, cards, or candy now and then, men appreciate those little gestures too. A really good woman will do those things as second nature. Surprise him by taking him to lunch occasionally, even it’s a patty and a box drink, he will appreciate it immensely.

There used to be a time when women really catered to men and made their appreciation, love and respect known. They would preface almost everything with the words, ‘My husband’ or ‘My man.’ “I don’t know, I’ll have to ask my husband first.” “My husband will speak to you on the matter.” “My man will see that it gets done.” Sounds old school eh? Far from it.

It’s all about respect, and it doesn’t take away a woman’s independence or spirit. Some men may want soft, meek and mild women, but give me a spirited woman any day, a woman who has her opinion and can defend it to the max.

Nothing is wrong with telling people that your man is a good man and that he treats you well. There is so much cursing of men by women that it seems to be a national pastime. Of course, some men deserve it, but not all do. If the man treats you well, let him know, and let others know too.

I must put a rider on that one though, for at times women boast about their men to their girlfriends and those vixens end up wanting the man. But if he’s as good as you say he is, then you’re safe.

A really good woman is able to have discussions, debates, even spirited arguments with her man without putting him down or taking it personally. After all, it’s only a discussion, and a really good woman won’t hold it against him if he wins the argument by withholding sex from him. That’s why my friend lets his wife win every argument. “I can’t bother to win the argument and lose the sex,” he told me.

Speaking of sex, that’s where the really good woman plays her hand. She knows how to please the man physically and emotionally, and will even sacrifice her mood to accommodate him. Too many men suffer because of women’s moods. “So you have a headache, how does that affect me from having sex?”

I know that many women may not agree with those points, but a really good woman will usually attract a pretty decent man. It’s old school, but it works. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I don’t usually dabble in sports, but I must comment on the state of our football. Undoubtedly our players have skills, but the team is lacking in cohesion. Apart from that, the team selection leaves much to be desired. To not play our most gifted midfielder, Jermaine Hue, is almost criminal. His last game was brilliant, so what’s his reward, but to be dropped for other games. And don’t give me that hogwash about ‘horses for courses’ either. You play your best player… every time.

So we played poorly against Panama and eked out a draw. What do our experts do…send the same team to Costa Rica with the same tactics and expect a different result. To do the same thing over and over but expect a different result each time is madness, it is said.