WELL, if you are reading my column, it means that the holocaust, I mean, election, has finally come and gone and tomfoolery, I mean, governance will resume by whomever is victorious. Finally, the insanity is over.

This election was like the Grinch who Stole Christmas. Can you imagine in a season that we usually party like rock stars, dressed up all festive, persons were afraid to don Christmas colours? Red, yellow, orange and green articles of clothing were thrown to the back of the wardrobe for more drab choices like, brown, blue or black. At the recently concluded Tastee Talent Trail finals held in Cross Roads, giveaways that usually fly off the stage mysteriously if not guarded were being shunned by some persons because they were red or yellow, colours associated with Tastee from when patties were hand-made. I am so glad that it is over! Finally, I can put on my yellow wig, orange shoes and green blouse, MTV music video style, and step out fashionably without being branded as favouring a political party.

I hope the ‘smart’ people like myself, who thought that participating in the electoral process was beneath our intelligence, will not grumble at the choice of our ‘dumber’ fellow citizens who exercised their constitutional right to vote. I will just sit and take whatever is dealt because I chose to bury my head in the sand. If you do not pay taxes or vote, you shouldn’t really even utter a word in protest about how you are being violated. Just shush and take your medicine, serves you right for being a coward. Abay! Wait, that goes for me too, except for the ‘no taxes’ part.

I give unto Caesar what is due to Caesar. Yes, believe it or not, as rebellious and hooliganistic (new word) as I am, I pay my dues even before the assigned date. It is not because I’m overenthused, or ‘frighten’ as we say, here on the Rock, but I know taxes run the country, whether elections are on or not. Besides, I cannot afford to be collared up by tax officials about outstanding taxes, no sir. The shame and scandal I can tolerate, but not the pain. With my body frame and permanent scowl, I would incite the infliction of bodily wounds to my person because they would think, quite rightly so, that I was resisting arrest. Granny always says ‘lick and skin nuh gree’ and therefore I comply.

I hope when Election Day over here in Elva Land comes in April 2013, it will run as smoothly and fairly as this recently concluded Jamaican election ran. Even I have to laugh at that statement, because a big ‘NOT’ came flying from my lips as soon as I placed the full stop at the end of that sentence. Give me a minute, please. OK, I have successfully composed myself. I’m fully aware that most of the rumours floating around about death threats and destruction of property in the name of partisan politics may not be true, but my madda always say ‘if a nuh so…..a suppen near so’. Which leads me to ask….why does a difference of opinion lead to death or bodily injury? A so we fool-fool and dark? Or is it that the power generated from a victory will lead to wealth and opportunities beyond one’s wildest dreams so much so that anyone who even smells like a threat has to be eliminated? Whatever the reason, both are wrong.

My wish for my beautiful island Jamaica (yes, is not politician alone have dual citizenship) is that we can live like the people in Negril at election time. Negril is where I weather out every election since they don’t get caught up the way we do in election fever. Business places have regular hours on Election Day; no graffiti or posters with political slogans defacing public property; persons don which ever colour they feel like wearing idling on the beach and on the night of the countdown, they sit sharing drinks under the stars observing the counting of ballots on a big screen at that popular fish spot on the West End without fear. I hope we get there soon, because that is what being Jamaican is all about: ‘no problem man’. Well, time for me to return to reality. Have a Happy New Year filled with wealth, good health and laughter!

elvachatalot@yahoo.com