I thank God I am not a woman,

To be touched

With so many giddy offences.

— Shakespeare, As You Like It III, 2

Oh sure, he may say that he’s glad he’s not a woman, but how can we be sure that he really means it? When women insist on stating certain things repeatedly, the saying is, ‘Perhaps the maiden doth protest too much.’ So could it be that some men secretly want to be women? They also say that most women suffer from penis envy, ergo, they secretly yearn to be men. Well, it just may be that many men suffer from vagina envy, although being a man’s world, we never hear that term. Still, even if men don’t want to be women, it is a certainty that they are strongly influenced by females. Combine this with the female hormones and chromosomes that all men have and there is no escape, the female influence affects our lives, as we’ll see right after these words from some readers.

Hi Tony,

It’s a shame you didn’t beat Mr Steve Harvey and write your own book. You mentioned that sex is a man’s primary objective from the first hello to the first kiss and so on…but guess what Missa T, WE KNEW! That’s why we don’t rush to give it away, well, apart from the young and inexperienced among us. And I totally agree with making the man wait 90 days, that’s one thing Steve has definitely got right. If he’s serious about you, he’ll appreciate it and YOU even more. No matter how much he pushes with sweet words and sweet romancing, no man respects a woman who doesn’t make him work for it. If she gives it up too soon, he no longer sees her as wife material and he’s just wasting his time until someone better comes along who’s willing to make him wait.

Adella, Brockley

UK

Hey Tony,

I had to browse that article again, ‘Young Gifted and Dangerous’, to see that I am NOT like that at all. I enjoy the company of men, no matter the age group because of what I can learn from them, but in terms of choosing a partner, I look closer to my age group. Also, I do not go into a relationship for financial benefits, that is NOT a priority for me. He must be stable, but a relationship has two people, so we both give and we both take.

Christine

Mr Teerob,

The modern Jamaican man has, in my opinion, for the most part lost his true competitive advantage. In any case, women have always looked at sexual relationships differently than men. Most of us prefer hugs, kisses and tender looks, and frankly a courtship that demonstrates an appreciation for the whole person, than the sex act itself. Sex is important, but it is not the whole feast. For most men on the other hand, the act is the thing, and too often, the only thing.

Elaine

Ah women, you gotta love ’em, and I certainly do. And rightly so, for that’s who we came from, and it’s they who had to bear the crosses of nurturing us. Of course, fathers play their part too, and a very important role, but it’s usually the mothers who get top billing, and it’s said that when a man dies, he often utters the word ‘mom’ as his last.

So the female influence on men is powerful. Some may deny this, while others aren’t afraid to admit that they’re in touch with their feminine side. How can this influence be disputed, when for the first years of his life all a boy does is suck on breasts and fall asleep afterwards? What a way to start a life. And that is why most men seek a woman who reminds them of their mother.

But usually if he finds one, he’s in for a rude awakening, for she isn’t going to let him suck on her breast for hours on end for years. “Say what, you want to fondle and suck my breasts and fall asleep afterwards…every night…you think say I am you madda? Listen, I am your wife…and the honeymoon is OVER!”

Oh, how Oedipus must be having quite a laugh right now. What is true is that some grown men still live with their mothers and succumb to this influence from that alpha female from their birth to their grave. The sad thing is that they see nothing wrong, and neither do their mothers. “So he’s my 50-year-old son and still living with me…what is the problem?”

But the female influence has been pervasive throughout history, and many men have fallen prey to it, or suffered the brunt of it. This female influence has brought great men to their knees, and giant figures in mankind’s great past have fallen and wilted under the wiles and guile of the female influence. It’s because of their early upbringing and the influence of females in their lives that these men buckled to the ways of women. Hey, if you doubt me, just look at the men who grew up in the company of women only, especially sisters, with no father figure around to balance the equation.

Those men simply turn into another sister and think that their effeminate behaviour is normal. It’s not until he hits high school that the reality of the female influence on him slaps him in the face and calls him Suzy. His mother doesn’t see it, neither do his aunts and sisters, but those tough boys in first form will certainly make it clear to him. “Should we call you Earl or Pearl…is who you grow with, you granny, you madda and five sisters?” What’s sad is that many mothers still take this influence further and will even visit their sons in school more than they should.

More and more the female influence is apparent, and an evolution has taken place that Darwin would have been proud of. Suddenly the modern male has taken on the persona of the female, which is alarming. This does not occur in nature, apart from a few species of fish that change sexes if one gender becomes scarce.

Where in nature have you seen a male lion acting like a lioness? He’s called the king of the beasts, not the queen of the beasts, and he eats first…sleeps a lot…and has sex as often as he wants. But androgyny is not the issue, neither is cross-dressing, which incidentally is what those boys who grew up with too many females are inclined to do.

“Norman, how many times I must tell you, stop put on you sister’s underwear.” Poor thing, it’s what he knows, plus he didn’t know that he could pee standing up until he went to school and saw other boys doing it. That’s not the case with these modern-day marvels of men who are so influenced by females that they adopt all the traits of feminine pulchritude and don’t even know that they have morphed into a she. Oh dear.

Now it’s the era of men spending hours getting their mani-pedi, having a facial, getting their eyebrows plucked and styled, having their hair braided, their skin waxed to remove unwanted hair, and looking quite the lady as they spend more time at the spa than a movie starlet. And don’t tell me that it’s the era of the metrosexual either, I’m talking about guys applying cream to their face and exfoliating their skin to remove dead cells. Next thing they’ll be asking to use the bidet or taking bubble baths with shower caps on.

Now it’s the era of men spending hours getting their mani-pedi, having a facial, getting their eyebrows plucked and styled, having their hair braided, their skin waxed to remove unwanted hair, and looking quite the lady as they spend more time at the spa than a movie starlet. And don’t tell me that it’s the era of the metrosexual either, I’m talking about guys applying cream to their face and exfoliating their skin to remove dead cells. Next thing they’ll be asking to use the bidet or taking bubble baths with shower caps on.

When did the female influence become so powerful? Is it because fathers are not stepping up to the plate, or washing too many plates? But absentee fathers are not new, and in fact this has been the status quo in our culture for a very long time. History will corroborate this. But even so, the feminine influence was not as powerful as it is now. Aha, eureka, by Jove, I think I’ve got it! The men have abdicated their role as men, and whether they are absent or present in the household, it’s the female who rules.

Do you remember this phrase, “Just wait until your father gets here…he will fix your business.” That died. Now many mothers resent it when fathers try to have any impact at all. We have witnessed families where the wife’s influence is so great that even the daughters handle the father like he is a boy, for they simply follow mummy’s lead, and speak to him and treat him exactly as she does.

We also know of families where it’s the female who dictates the when, the where, the how, and the why of sex. Oh yes, it’s a sore topic and often mentioned, but it’s never-ending. Just last week I learnt of yet another husband who has not had the pleasure of his wife for seven years now. “One day she just say, that’s it, she tired of sex now…and stop.” You ask any couple nowadays who dictates sex in the bedroom, and you’ll see the power of the female influence.

The women will also give you a plethora of reasons why it’s so and yadda yadda yadda, but the plain truth is, if you really love something you’re going to want it and love doing it. This filters into the broader society, for nothing happens by chance, and the truth is, the female influence has affected many of our men…plenty…whole heap…nuff.

And don’t think that it’s confined to Jamaica, for I recently read where many mothers in China actually move in with their sons for the first few weeks of university…just to ensure that he’s settled in and cosy. Sometimes it backfires, and this strong female influence creates a resentment, and the men become women beaters…abusers. One quick note on women beaters, statistics have shown that those creeps never ever have altercations with males…is only woman dem have strength for.

So the female influence is strong, and the effects are evident. Sometimes we have to take a long, hard look to see who is who. Is it fish or fowl, Francis or Francine?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Attaining a PhD is the pinnacle of the educational pyramid, and the title Dr is something that should instill pride. I have family members with doctorates who achieved it while still in their early 20s. I know other people who achieved it in their later years and still others who took over 15 years to complete the studies.

Some insist on being called Dr, while others do not care, and I have PhD friends who beg me not to introduce them as Dr. It’s a personal choice. What’s important, though, is how the PhDs conduct themselves. It’s not just about book learning and writing an everlasting thesis, but also about leadership, moral fortitude, deportment and honour.

Sadly this is lacking in some, turning off many youngsters looking on. I did a little poll, asked parents, “Of all the PhDs around, who would you like your son to emulate?” The names Dr Hopeton Dunn and Dr Leachim Semaj were dominant. It’s a responsibility, and people want to look up to, not down on.