May I Have This Dance?
I have been a band musician for about 45 years and have been fortunate to have witnessed, and participated in, the changes in our music scene over those years. What has been really interesting are the changes in reaction by the various sections of society over those years, which has been very visible in the cultural norms of the dance scene.
When I started out in the business there were at least a dozen nightclubs in Kingston where live music was played. The Jonkanoo Lounge at the then Sheraton Hotel (now the Hilton Kingston) had a live band six nights per week. Hotel Kingston and Flamingo Hotel had live music four nights per week, while Sombrero and VIP clubs (formerly Glass Bucket) averaged three nights per week. The other major clubs averaged twice per week with the occasional Wednesday night special shows.
Most of these clubs could really have been described as dance halls in the original sense of the word. These were places where people from all sections of the society went to have a peaceful and enjoyable evening, but most of all, came to dance. Perhaps for the younger readers I should clarify what I mean by dancing. Firstly, there were a fairly equal number of men and women, although they did not necessarily come in pairs. Secondly, men and women used to dance with each other. Thirdly, as the night went on there were enough couples dancing to actually play some slow R&B music (or Steppers, as we used to call it). Lastly, if you were a man who could not “step”, the probability of finding a girl was very low.
The accepted social behaviour meant that you had to be versed in a variety of dance steps in order to work your way up to getting a slow dance. Those young men who thought that they could sit out the early fast dances and only make their approach when the slow music came on were often sadly disappointed as it was not expected that you display the “daggering” mentality so plainly. The behaviour at the dance reflected some of the socially accepted factors. Some of these were saying ‘good evening’ to a young lady’s parents when you want to take her on a date, and to return her home safely after the date within a defined time frame.
Over the years the culture (our mating ritual if you will) changed dramatically. Many people have no interested parents with whom they can have dialogue. So there is no one who is accountable for the whereabouts of their children. In return, young people feel there is no need to say where they are going, and the first time that a parent knows where their children have been is when they are in a car accident in Negril when they should have been at a party in Havendale.
It is so sad to observe that we are becoming unconcerned about each other. This sad development has contributed to the heavy drinking and other substance abuse which lead to some of the tragic events we read of every day in our newspapers: shootings, rapes, kidnappings and serious life-threatening incidents. There is no longer a need to be in control of your own actions as the dance has deteriorated from “pas de deux” to solo. So what we now have is a change from social integration to gender separation. The situation is not assisted by the inequity between men and women at the secondary and tertiary education levels.
With our universities graduating 70 per cent women, over time there will be a numerical imbalance of men and women with the same intellectual ability. But how do we see this in the broader society? One way is to observe people at cocktail parties or other social functions which would normally be for ‘Mr & Mrs’. Mr usually comes with his wife, who is probably his intellectual equal, and he is not ashamed of being seen in public with her. Mrs often comes alone as Mr is not really ‘socially presentable’. There are so many persons with higher degrees who have yet to learn how to eat properly with a knife and fork, and in the upwardly mobile population, this is extremely embarrassing, yet avoidable.
This is extremely unfortunate as many of our brightest women are highly placed in the corporate world and that of academia, due to their better educational qualifications. In fact, in spite of a perceived “glass ceiling”, women have successfully broken through the old boys’ network in many, if not all, industries. (Please note that this is evident except in the areas related to equal salary.)
Nowadays, a party consists mainly of dancehall music followed by soca and a smattering of retro disco. This is not necessarily simply the choice of the DJ or band, but relates to the composition of the audience. In the predominant dancehall culture, it allows the men to line up on one side and the women to line up on the other. I think this encourages a kind of “no man’s land” to exist between the men and women. Perhaps this no man’s land which is the gulf between the two groups is what they mean by “gully” and “gaza”. (This is probably not true, but it is perhaps as good an explanation as any that I have heard.) In this scenario, all energy is retained until the “video lights” come around, then the action starts.
At the more formal dances, dancehall music may be the minority except for the few that are not heavily loaded with expletives. So Reggae, Soca, and Retro disco rule the scene here. Due to the imbalance in numbers between men and women, there is no room for slow music (steppers) during the dance period, and this may only be introduced during dinner or a show.
I find it more than coincidental the way the dancehall runs in parallel with the changes in society. What remains constant is that within the social environment of the dance, women are still in control. They set the rules and they still enforce the sanctions for non-conformity. If asked to dance, the response has gone from “not now, thank you”, to “tek weh yuhself”. In a way this shows the deterioration of respect, and has its sad ending in domestic violence and even a tolerance of criminal activities possibly to gain respect.
We have lost some of the graciousness which would tend to subvert violence. We have lost the necessary tolerance to live together peacefully. We have lost the ability to forgive and forget. There is no such thing as friendly rivalry, and in order to be a man today, every dispute needs to end with a violent action. We have lost the ability for a civil discussion, even in Parliament. The more that we men continue to be marginalised educationally and socially, is the less self-respect that we will have. If we have no self-respect, how can we respect others?
The happiest days in the life of a musician are Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve. There are usually mainly couples present, and the objective of the evening is to celebrate love. So gentlemen, when next you go out and see a nice lady, don’t forget to say, “May I have this dance, please?” It may yield big dividends in the future. Perhaps the lady of your dreams awaits you.