The Parsi guide shared that: “In the Parsi religion we continue to hold the elements of Earth, Wind, Fire and Water as sacred. To bury a dead body in the Earth, the way Christians do, is to desecrate the Earth. To cremate a dead body the way Hindus do is to desecrate the Air. On this spot we prepare the Parsi dead to be disposed of in the only way God intended, which is to be eaten by vultures. In this way we stay in the natural cycle of creation and dissolution. We also do not wish to steal food from any of God’s creatures. Vultures have a God-given right to the dead.” This was only my second day in India.

Mutty and Elaine Perkins had first gone to India several decades before it became fashionable. At that time there was no thought of any industrial powerhouse that would eventually take a significant role on the world stage. In the global imagination, India was largely defined by poverty, disease and weird religious practices. Besides some spaced-out hippies, yogis and National Geographic reporters, no one went to India. In fact, the Indians were migrating in droves to Britain and the United States. Hell, even Jamaica seemed a good option for some.

But Elaine Perkins is a keen observer of life and the consummate storyteller. I was riveted by her tales of both the squalor and the grandeur. Her fascination and enthusiasm were infectious as she described a place where you were constantly encountering things unexpected. Her impressions stuck with me as a young boy and I knew that one day I would go. I put it off for 30 years.

Recently I began the trip of a lifetime; three months of roaming around India in an attempt to develop some understanding of this vastly complex and distant culture. “By the end of this trip,” the Mumbai travel agent informed me as she worked out my schedule, “you will have seen more of India than most Indians.” Indeed.

Shakti guru Sharon McConnell-Feanny once said to me that India creates strong visceral reactions. You either love it or hate it, there is no in-between. Twenty days into my 90-day trip, and I absolutely love it!

As I march through the travel bucket list, I always worry that I could become world-weary, feeling like I have seen it all and stop being surprised, shocked or moved by anything. India has been the one-stop cure-all for any of that. No matter how much of the world you’ve experienced, India is still a place filled with unexpected surprises.

In a small town near Pune I had bent down to smell spices in a vendor’s basket when I felt something rub my back. Thinking I was in someone’s way I stood up and turned to apologise only to come face to face with an elephant. I screamed and all the people nearby and the elephant driver burst out laughing at my over-reaction.

I sat in a Jain temple in Mumbai one afternoon and watched a woman wearing a surgical mask go through an elaborate set of religious rituals which lasted over an hour. When she was done I approached and asked if she was well enough to tell me a little about Jainism and the rituals she was performing. She said she was not at all ill but that as a devout Jain she was committed to non-violence, and as such she did not want her breath to accidentally disturb any small creatures or insects who came under her nose. She also does not venture out at night for fear that in the shadows she might accidentally step on a creature. Lady, do you want to be my neighbour in Kingston?

I spent an afternoon hiking around the Lonar Crater where a meteorite weighing two million tonnes and travelling at 90,000 kilometres per hour crashed into the earth about 50,000 years ago. It left a hole about 1,800 metres wide and 150 metres deep. Over time a dense saline lake has formed in the hole. It is believed that chunks of the meteorite are still inside. NASA is investigating. The area around the lake has a distinct bio-diversity and is swarming with peacocks, monkeys, and, ahm, pythons.

In the town near the Lonar Crater there is a holy temple dedicated to the Hindu Deity Shiva on which there are carvings of a most graphic nature representing hard-core acts of copulation. Like the Kama Sutra, these are apparently ancient educational manuals. Hinduism and Buddhism have never had the aggressive antagonism to sexuality that Christianity or Islam have had. It is not that Hindus are not modest, they are. It’s just that they do not see satanic forces or infidels whenever someone does something sexually risqué. In fact, the intermingling of sex and spirituality is par for the course in certain spiritual centres (ashrams) in India.

In Ajanta there are 30 beautiful Buddhist temples elaborately carved into caves. As I was walking around the ancient site it struck me that it was the kind of place that my culture-history-buff mother should see. The problem was that I had no idea how she could undertake the arduous climb over the rocky hills to reach the site. Almost on cue the solution presented itself when I saw an elderly woman being carried by four men on an open-air sedan chair (or palanquin as it is known in India). Yes, mummy could come up the mountains like the Queen of Sheba. For four men to carry you up and down the mountain costs a whopping US$8. Indian labour is incredibly cheap.

In Goa the scene was largely about swimming in the Arabian Sea, eating spicy fish followed by fresh fruit and indulging in the cheap beach massages. The best massage was from two bony 70-plus-year-old sisters. The price? Four US dollars for a full-on body, head and foot massage. I got three massages every day while in Goa; the invigorator in the morning, the deep tissue in the early afternoon and then wrapped the day with the smooth relaxer at sunset. Hallelujah! Thank you, Vishnu!

Goa is also famous for their trance dances held on the beach after sunset. The heavy, repetitive bass sounds combined with the symbiotic movement of the crowds took me to mysterious highs without the use of alcohol or drugs. Not that there is any shortage of drugs in Goa. One afternoon I was strolling on Anjuna beach and passed a large group seemingly obsessed with intensely studying small shells and sand grains. It all looked rather strange until I realised that everyone was actually “tripping”.

And then, dear Brahma, there is the food. I have never tasted this wide a variety of dishes anywhere in the world. The Indian fare of curries, tandooris and masalas that we all know is an infinitesimally small representation of the complex and varied cuisine that exists inside India. I found entire new tastes and combinations of tastes that I didn’t know existed. Even when you order the same dish from two different regions they taste completely different and each region has its own unique cuisine. Indians seem to use every known spice in some combination or other. At one point I simply gave up asking what something was and just ate whatever was put in front of me. I have died and gone to foodie heaven. Plus, this high-class culinary adventure is a bargain. De nyammings are cheap!

It is offerings like inexpensive massages and cheap but delicious food that has allowed India to win the award for the “best value for money holiday”. It is well deserved. Outside Delhi and Mumbai, you can do India all-in, very comfortably, for between US$80 and US$200 a day.

The current tourist board campaign of “Incredible India” seems spot-on. Large facets of Indian culture are deep-rooted, fascinating and immovable. Take religion. Hinduism is the oldest surviving religion in the world, predating Christianity by about 4,000 years. Despite almost 300 years of British Christian rule, the population has remained largely Hindu. This is a staggeringly impressive instance of cultural resistance. Most occupied countries quickly take on the religion of the imperial occupier and hold it long after the occupier has left. In South America and Africa, Christianity remains firmly rooted in the populace even though the religion is fading out in what is now largely atheistic Europe.

Indian conception of history predates what most of us think of as world history, which begins with Greece/Rome/Egypt and ends with the triumph of the American system. All western history is defined in relation to this axis. Outside this axis were just barbarians waiting to be civilised, and untapped resources to be consumed. But history in India (and China) is spoken entirely from a non-European perspective. To hear ordinary Indians talk about history outside this axis sounds odd to the Western ear. You do not realise how much we are taught to see history through European eyes until you hear an Indian recite their history where Europe and America are only partial actors in the story.

Nor do they see their future unwaveringly tied to Europe or America. Recently the Indian Minister of External Affairs told America and China to butt out of their disputes with Pakistan. “We see no role for a third country here.” The future of India lies largely with India. The brain drain of the best and brightest to the West has subsided. They are finding enough cultural vibrancy and economic opportunities at home. There is even a growing trend of skilled residents returning home. India’s deep-rooted past now seems melded to an enviably dynamic future.

At the end of the day, encountering the unexpected is really the only reason to travel. Being out of your comfort zone allows you to re-examine the things you think obvious, expanding your world view from parts unknown. Every cultural practice, no matter how bizarre it might seem, has a coherent logic by which it developed. The Parsi burial ritual of leaving the dead body for vultures is revolting to my Judeo-Christian sensibilities, but it has its own impeccable logic. When an American woman at the table next to me asked the waiter, “Why do you people eat with your hands?” He shot back, “Why do you eat with a knife and fork?” Touché!

India is a delirious enigma bursting with the unexpected. There are still 70 more days to go and I am already whacked out by the experience.