So many of us go through life without knowing what it is to truly love someone. It would take the best of the best psychiatrists and psychoanalysts to fully grasp why this is so. If we take the time to examine mankind, we will see that people are happiest when they are in love and all is well with their lives.

I have always heard the view being posited that half a love is better than none. This is and has been the way that people rationalise what they shouldn't be doing or perceive they shouldn't be doing.

Think of the many women you know who are in relationships that annoy them or are totally unfulfilled. When asked why complain, why not leave, they say half a love is better than none, and, besides, there is no one out there, all men are the same. If we accept the premise that all men are the same, then, inevitably, we must accept the premise that all women are the same. People are just people. We all basically want the same things, whether we are men or women, which is to be happy.

We would all do better with our emotional lives if we not only understand ourselves and what we want, but are honest about it. The younger we are, the more everything is within our grasp, simply because some things are more attainable and, therefore, easier.

A younger woman will find love easier, if all is going for her in the right way. The younger you are, the more men want you, and I am, by no means, limiting this to younger men. The fact that the older men (at least much older) may just be deluding themselves as to their allure and charisma is quite another matter.

So back to this half-a-love story. A lot of us, being unable to find the man we are looking for, settle. We take the man who is crass, overweight, or poor, simply because he is what is available. We excuse his crassness, for example, by saying that he makes up for it in bed or he bestows gifts on us. I suppose we feel we are better off with someone to keep us warm at night, even if he comes in at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning, having left another woman's bed. We settle for downright bad manners and a lack of respect and we rationalise it by saying that half a love is better than none.
The problem with this half-a-love business is that when we settle we are undoubtedly robbing ourselves of realising our full potential. When we parade around town with someone else's husband, we are preventing ourselves from getting suitable suitors and realising that potential.

A single man may be attracted to you, but will hold his ground because he sees you out with another man, and a married man at that. No man who is remotely serious about a woman will want to even consider sharing her and he certainly doesn't want to know that a married man has her.

There is also the element of trust. If you, as a woman, are prepared to settle for someone's husband whenever you can get him, you can be rest assured he will always be half a love. Married men seldom leave their wives for their paramour, and, if they do, they often end up doing the same thing to her!

Personally, I am not into this half a love thing, simply because I have to be number one. I must be able to step out with a man and not worry about another woman throwing a missile at me. Plus I truly believe in the principle of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. We have to be careful that the seeds that we sow in this world do not grow to be weeds that will devour us. I also do not believe in doing things at half-measure. When I love, I give it my all and relish that love like a fine repast, savouring every moment.

Joy Crawford is a freelance writer.

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