Dear Dr. Royes:

I like staying home, but my family has a problem with that. I am a housewife and I don't drive. My husband shops for the groceries, and I don't really have a reason to go out much. I am not a social butterfly, so I don't like going out at night, particularly since everything is so dangerous. Now my sons are telling me that something is wrong with me. One of them read something about people who like to stay home. They keep trying to get me to go out. I just get upset and go to my bedroom. How can I get them to stop? I'm quite happy the way I am.

Dear Housebound Housewife:

I know it is often comforting to be at home, especially since there's so much crime these days, and it sounds as if you and your husband have reached an arrangement that works for both of you. Having said that, I will say that people who are emotionally healthy enjoy being alone, but they also enjoy going out in public. They balance their time at home with their time outside of the home.

Staying at home all the time means that you limit yourself to what you see, do and learn. It also could mean that a person is suffering from an emotional disorder. In fact, there's a name for people who don't like to go out in public. It's called agoraphobia. That's probably what your son read about and has been suggesting you're experiencing.

You will feel fear of being in public, if you suffer from agoraphobia. Maybe you should examine yourself and be honest about your reasons for not going outside. Is it comfort with being at home, or fear of the world outside? If you feel discomfort at the idea of going out in public, then you need to consider seeking some assistance with your condition.

Remember that, as you get older, you will want to keep your mind and body active -- in order to keep alert and healthy. Just doing the routine things every day, watching television and doing work around the house, will most likely result in mental deterioration and ill health.

If you decide you want to tackle this problem alone, or with the help of your family, there is a possibility that you can do it. The treatment for agoraphobia is to first, face the fact that you are fearful. Second, it means learning how to go out again. This second task can best be accomplished with the help of your family. Ask close relatives to assist you in your task.

The work of facing your demons means that you will gradually start by going out of your home every day, even if it's onto your patio or verandah. Next, get into the car. If you feel that you want to go back into the house, you can do that at first. But keep going out and getting into the car. The next step is to take a drive to someplace familiar, a friend's house or the supermarket. Keep doing this regularly until you're comfortable. Eventually, get your relatives to go with you to a public place, like a mall or a store you have never visited before.

At many points, you will want to stop and just curl up in the comfort of your home. Find a way, or a good friend, who will remind you that you want to live a long and healthy life.
Keep a reminder on your refrigerator or in your bathroom that will motivate you to get out of your cocoon.

And, by the way, if anyone tries to discourage you from creating change in your life, just ignore them. Sometimes people prefer us emotionally crippled than emotionally strong.

Trousers in Denim

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